Rolling down the mountainside, closing in on the peak.
No I can't sleep. What did you expect. 3 hours last night, maybe 4 before that. About the same all of the previous week. I'm not tired. I'm not exhausted. I am bored. I am lonely. I am still the same pathetic being who swore to change a while ago. I stay awake thinking about a few different people, what they mean to me, what they've taught me, what I resent about them for whatever reason. I live in my little cubicle beneath a thin creaky floor. I hear every bit of water to go through the the pipes. I can ignore it; I don't. I'm afraid of what's happening. I don't want it to. I want life to freeze in every moment before it gets worse. I want to make it better. I can't change a damn thing. I'm not trying hard enough. I'm failing whenever I try to do something right. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I'm trying. I don't know why I'm here. That smile I keep, it's not so easy most of the time. I don't want life to be serious. I don't want life to rule me. I don't want to live every day stuck in the same place with the same routine, the same events, the same outcomes, the same repetition, the same bullshit. Alas, I'm the same. I'm here. It is 4:30 am. I slept last from 9:30 am to 11:30 am then from 11:45 am to 12:30 pm. I had been awake for a fair bit over 24 hours. I ran out of stupid ways to waste my life rotting in this basement. I lied in bed. My eyes closed. I woke again as soon as the phone rang. I was then tired... for one hour. I have school five days a week. At 9 am every weekday morning I'm in french class. I don't speak any french. I want to go. I don't know why. I don't know why a lot of things happen. I don't know why I'm crying so often in solitude. I need to hide. I want to be let free. I am free. I'm trapped by myself. I try so hard to let me go. I'm running away from this. I won't be stopped.
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Lost, just like I was, and it's all happening again.
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Lost, just like I was, and it's all happening again.