This should probably be on private or something but fuck that this is real life...
DUTY; thats the biggest and most complex word i know. More than any swear word it expresses more emotion, holds back more thoughts of your own life than any other word. Some people might argue and say its love or faith but at heart these words can only be expressed by performing your duty.
I find myself close to tears after seeing my mummy broken like she was 20minutes ago sitting on the floor helpless but for her tears and all the gadgets and support shes been given by others mean fuck all without us; THE family being there for her. I provide this, my sister provides and most of all my dad. I don't want help from any outside power or godly escape from this as this is MY duty. We're there to hold her hand as she stumbles from doorway to doorway and its us that cleans up what she can't herself. Fuck anyone who says that gods up there watching and guiding us as that frankly is bullshit. I've seen her crying on the floor now too many times to beleive in anything higher anymore and for those who might say different i think you may have missed my point.
After coming back today from work i could only leave my dad to help her get up. I had to leave and i don't know how i didn't burst into tears. I'd cry for the rest of my life if it give her more hope. I had to leave now because i couldn't handle it and i've considered other thoughts of escape but duty keeps me here and as much as i hate being stuck watching her waste away i WILL stay as i could never let myself go...Hey thats one reason University is such an escape for me, and returning is so disheartening.
Well this post has gone from pity to hatred to some sort of fighting spirit but i still don't know what to do.
I find myself close to tears after seeing my mummy broken like she was 20minutes ago sitting on the floor helpless but for her tears and all the gadgets and support shes been given by others mean fuck all without us; THE family being there for her. I provide this, my sister provides and most of all my dad. I don't want help from any outside power or godly escape from this as this is MY duty. We're there to hold her hand as she stumbles from doorway to doorway and its us that cleans up what she can't herself. Fuck anyone who says that gods up there watching and guiding us as that frankly is bullshit. I've seen her crying on the floor now too many times to beleive in anything higher anymore and for those who might say different i think you may have missed my point.
After coming back today from work i could only leave my dad to help her get up. I had to leave and i don't know how i didn't burst into tears. I'd cry for the rest of my life if it give her more hope. I had to leave now because i couldn't handle it and i've considered other thoughts of escape but duty keeps me here and as much as i hate being stuck watching her waste away i WILL stay as i could never let myself go...Hey thats one reason University is such an escape for me, and returning is so disheartening.
Well this post has gone from pity to hatred to some sort of fighting spirit but i still don't know what to do.