Pat..............
Yeah Pats still grounded and this time it's really bad. I miss him so much. This shit needs to end. I can't take this anymore...and it hurts so much not to be able to just hold him.I need things that I'm not getting with him now. You know, like a boyfriend, not an aquaintence who just randomly calls sometimes. The emotional satisfaction is not there. I need him to be able to be there for me, but he can't. And it hurts more than you'll ever know.I can't even just call him to say hi or I love you. This is the worst feeling ever.
I miss Pat so fucking much. He swears he'll never break up with me....and never cheat on me. He swears that he will change it all and things will be better. Why do I not believe that. I'm scared. But at the same time, I don't even care. I'm so fucking numb, but so full of emotion. I can't decipher the difference between my states of feeling. They're so closely the same...but so fucking different.
I miss Pat. I want this thing to work with us, god believe me I do. And I hope it does. Pat just needs to keep ALL of his promises to me and try his absolute fucking hardest to see me and call me more and when he gets back to school fucking fix his goddamn grades and bring them all up as much as he can and not fuck around, just do it. If he doesn't get better grades, I don't know what I'll do. That would be him breaking a promise to me and I don't deal well with broken promises.
I need this bullshit to go away. I need to atleast be able to talk to him more. I hate this. But I WON'T give up. I am not the type of person to just give up. Ecspecially in a relationship. When I am with somebody I give it my all, and that's just what I plan to do. I hope he does the same. I love him and if he loves me he will do whatever the fuck it takes to make this work. I love him, but I hate the way I feel right now.
Please let this work. I just want everything to be okay.
I miss Pat so fucking much. He swears he'll never break up with me....and never cheat on me. He swears that he will change it all and things will be better. Why do I not believe that. I'm scared. But at the same time, I don't even care. I'm so fucking numb, but so full of emotion. I can't decipher the difference between my states of feeling. They're so closely the same...but so fucking different.
I miss Pat. I want this thing to work with us, god believe me I do. And I hope it does. Pat just needs to keep ALL of his promises to me and try his absolute fucking hardest to see me and call me more and when he gets back to school fucking fix his goddamn grades and bring them all up as much as he can and not fuck around, just do it. If he doesn't get better grades, I don't know what I'll do. That would be him breaking a promise to me and I don't deal well with broken promises.
I need this bullshit to go away. I need to atleast be able to talk to him more. I hate this. But I WON'T give up. I am not the type of person to just give up. Ecspecially in a relationship. When I am with somebody I give it my all, and that's just what I plan to do. I hope he does the same. I love him and if he loves me he will do whatever the fuck it takes to make this work. I love him, but I hate the way I feel right now.
Please let this work. I just want everything to be okay.