Realization Meme. <3
Realization Meme
--- REALIZATION:
1. I've come to realize that my hair:
Is ugly. I don’t like my hair, at all. /:
2. I've come to realize that when I talk:
I will usually use several different voices of mine within one conversation. And I usually talk pretty loud, too.
3. I've come to realize that, when I love someone:
I get very awkward and flustered, but very floaty and happy. I can also be rather mean in my tsundere-ish, sarcastic way.
4. I've come to realize that I need:
to be at Idyllwild to be happy. My dogs. My family. My girlfriend and my writing. My music. And … just a lot of things.
5. I've come to realize that I've lost:
A lot of time. Chances to get to know people I’ll never be able to speak to again, either because I’ve lost touch or they’re just gone. My ability to trust easily. A lot of my patience and sympathy in growing into someone more mature. Stability came with apathy.
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when:
People pretend they get me. My step-father acts like he’s got me all figured out. My mom gets into one of her fits. I lose friends. People try to drag me into their drama. People act like they’re better than someone else. People act fake and superficial. (I hate a lot of things.)
7. I've come to realize that money:
Makes the world go round, as much as we’d like to pretend it’s not important. (You can’t buy a house or food or a car with “love”, as nice as that would be.)
8. I've come to realize that people:
Are very weak, fake beings. But I still love people and I wish they would help themselves. Being open and honest really isn’t as hard as it seems. I swear.
9. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
Myself. No matter what happens, I’m not going to fall into that stupid teenage trap, all that fitting in stuff.
10. I've come to realize that I love spending my time with:
My friends, my brother, my sister, my dogs and my mother. My computer. My music. My writing.
11. I've come to realize that the last time I cried I was:
Actually cried? Probably when my mom was telling me I wouldn’t ever get into a college the way I was going. She was freaking out and told me I would be working in a McDonald’s my whole life, the way I was going, and that I wasn’t going to be allowed to stay at home the way things were going… and even when I showed her all these forms for colleges wanting to get in touch with me and have me tour, she still told me, “I used to have such high hopes for you. I wanted you to be a marine biologist or something amazing, because you’ve always been smart enough,” and … and all that disappointment in her just killed me. I called Jess and curled up on this giant pillow in my closet and sobbed my eyes out because it felt like no matter what I was doing, it wouldn’t ever be good enough. I love my mom and I’ve always struggled with my grades, even when I try my best, so… I was very upset. But… I don’t know. I don’t usually cry anymore.
12. I've come to realize that my cell phone is:
… A device that helps me communicate. I don’t use it much unless I’m texting Kelsey.
13. I've come to realize that my friends are:
Some of the most important people in my life. I love each of them and I’m so grateful for all of them. Even if we don’t talk much anymore, I love all of you. And just knowing that each of you is there is so… wonderful to me. It really helps me get through a lot.
14. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night:
I have to listen to something… and I always think about what Jess and I spoke about that night.
15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
This. My stories-I’m working on a TsunaUni thing right now, and it’s really depressing (as that couple will always be), but I want to make it the best I can. I’m thinking about this song (“Breathe Me” by Sia), and about watching Six Feet Under because it sounds amazing and beautiful and tragic. I’m also thinking of my character Bianca, who is an insecure, nervous mess, trying to survive in her dysfunctional family (because I am also planning on writing something about her and Angelo).
16. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook:
I check my livestream to see if my friends are talking about anything interesting, respond to things people say to me, and maybe update my status. But I’m never on for more than 10-20 minutes. I dislike websites like that; tumblr and livejournal are much better.
17. I've come to realize that today:
I feel very content and quiet.
18. I've come to realize that tonight I will:
Have thai food to celebrate Idyllwild wanting me to come back enough to give me 26k once again.
19. I've come to realize that the last person I kissed is:
Huh… I’m pretty sure it was Bandit, my dog.
20. I've come to realize that I'll never be:
Pretty. Rid of my insecurities. Able to live without my friend Jess. Ready to say goodbye to anyone. Able to get to know so many people I’ve wanted to know.
--- HONESTY:
1. Will you answer every question honestly?
Sure, why not.
2. Have you ever stayed up all night while drunk or high?
I hate alcohol, and I dislike drugs. They smell terrible. I’ve never touched drugs and the only time I’ve ever had alcohol was a) New Year’s, when my mother wanted me to try Bailey’s, b) in Wales, I had a sip or two of champagne to celebrate my great aunt and great uncle’s anniversary, and c) when my cousin wanted me to try some weird cider drink of hers. I didn’t like any of them. So, no.
3. Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
HAH. Yes. A couple times. My brother, my friend Connor, and probably one or two other people.
4. Do you miss anything or anyone?
I miss Jess, Whitney, Idyllwild, Lucy, Erica… a lot of people.
5. What makes you laugh no matter what?
Pffft… I dunno. Tvtropes can usually get giggles out of me. Carlos Mencia and Pablo Francisco can make me smile, too. So can Brian Reagan.
6. Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past five hours?
Hah, no. I’ve never really kissed anyone on the lips.
7. Who was the last person you talked to?
Uh. Mom. I think.
8. What do you dislike at the moment?
Nothing at the moment, really. I’m pretty calm right now.
9. Name one of your friends who is the most like you?
Huh. Probably Sarah. We’re both Disney freaks, mildly perverted, able to be serious and blunt and honest, but kind to a fault, loud and excitable… yeah. We’re very, very similar; we just kind of hit it off instantly.
--- MORE HONESTY:
1. Do you get butterflies around the guys/girls you like?
Hmm… depends. I actually get pretty mean; I was pretty mean to Arik back when I liked him in Freshman year. But… I used to get very, very fluttery thinking about Erica and I get very happy and fluttery while talking to Kelsey, so… guess so.
2. Do you think it is bad to do drugs at your age?
… Doing drugs is always bad.
3. Will you get married?
I wouldn’t mind it, but I doubt anyone would want to marry me.
4. Will you be doing drugs in the near future?
… Why are you asking me all these drug questions? No, I don’t plan on taking drugs now, in the near future, or any time in the distant future. They’re idiotic and they smell awful.
--- VERY PERSONAL:
1. Are you happy with yourself?
Content is more the word. I know I’m intelligent and funny and very likable, but I also know I’m not very pretty, too tall, and kind of overweight. I know I’m honest and open and friendly, but I also know my own apathy and temper, my insecurities and my issues with trust. There’s sort of a balance I find in myself so I don’t hate myself, but I don’t particularly like myself.
2. Would you change yourself for the person you love?
Pffft. I don’t really plan on changing myself for anyone. I’m always going to be like this on the inside, so whoever’s with me should get used to the way I am. Besides, if I love someone, and they love me, they should love me for me. If they want me to change, well… that’s not real love, now is it?
---- SECRETS:
1. When did you last cry?
Just a few tears, not a total cry like I mentioned way back in the beginning? Jess sent me the YouTube video for “Wherever You Are” from Winnie the Pooh, and I shed one or two tears.
2. Do you believe in religion?
No. I don’t. I might wind up believing in God-anything can happen; I’ve got my whole life ahead of me-but I don’t believe in or like religion. I’ve been going to church for as long as I can remember, and even when I was younger, I never listened to the preacher because I never believed what he was saying. And now that I’m actually old enough to listen, I’m beginning to realize exactly how much organized religion actually kind of… scares me. It just feels like a cult, and it really creeps me out. So I just… no, I don’t believe in religion, and I prefer staying away from it.
3. What is currently on your mind?
Political issues, Bianca and Angelo and her weird family, KHR!, DRRR!!, Six Feet Under, “Breathe Me”, “the sound of shattered pearls and broken shellfish” (my TsunaUni story), and several other things.
--- SCANDALS:
1. Have you done bad things with your parents nearby?
Pffft. I’ve read dirty fics, read some yaoi comics on mangafox, some yuri comics, had to draw a yaoi picture for a secret santa thing on dA (LavixDeke/Deak/whateverthefuckhisnameis-aka, himself, anyone? I: )… I’ve cursed a lot, too. I also was looking at the /cm/, with my parents upstairs, asanskjdfkth.
2. Have you started a horrible rumor about somebody?
I don’t start rumors, and I usually only hear about them when they’ve already blown over. I’m not usually up to date with gossip… ever.
3. Did you ever fail the school year?
Hahah, no. I’ve managed to pass, but my grades are usually quite average. I’m so forgetful that I almost never remember to do assignments or turn them in. I test very well, but… yeah. Homework and such kills me.
4. Have you ever been too drunk to remember a certain night?
No, never.
5. Do you think your future will be a good one?
Who knows. I want to be a voice actress, so it definitely won’t be an easy future… but hopefully I can make it and I can be pretty happy.
--- DEEP THOUGHTS:
1. Do you think you were raised well?
Who knows. You guys don’t have to read this if you don’t want.
My “mother” was young when she had me, and she was also mentally retarded-her brain functions at about a fourth grade level. I don’t know who my father is-don’t know his name, his face, if he’s alive-and apparently I have an older brother out there somewhere who was put up for sale before I was born. I was conceived in West Palm Beach, Florida-my mom kept running away from home, which was in Canada-and even while she was heavily pregnant, she refused to believe she was pregnant. Then I was born and nine months later, she dumped me on my grandmother-now my mother; she adopted me in fourth grade-and I never learned any of this until I was in about third grade, but I never heard the full story until I was in about ninth.
My (real) mother raised me as best as she could, but she had just been cheated on by her husband with several other women (my brother has a half-brother only a few months younger than him, and that’s the one we know about. Yeah), and had gone through a divorce, so she was really devastated and she took to alcohol. She tried her best and sacrificed so much for us three kids, but we moved around constantly and she was always travelling and away from home, and even when she WAS home, she was so moody from the alcohol that it was hard to tell when it was okay to talk to her or not. She used to threaten to put me in a foster home and once almost choked me with fish, because she was trying to shove it down my throat to show me “what a foster home would be like”.
But… I love my mom. Very, very much. She’s a good, strong woman, and she’s given up so, so much to be able to provide for us, and she’s always come through. And when she met my step-dad, he helped her get sober, and she has been now ever since I was in fifth grade. However much I resent my step-dad, I’m really grateful to him for that.
So… really, I think I have it very easy compared to a lot of kids. The only things I’ve gained from what’s happened are a hatred of alcohol, a lot of insecurities from my step-dad, and a desire to find out who my father is and where my brother is. I’m smart and I’m well-liked; I know how to laugh and push past things, and with all the weird shit in my life (because this doesn’t even cover it), I’ve really pulled through and I’m a lot stronger than a lot of people my age, and some people who are older than me. I’m very protective of my siblings and I’ve learned not to trust so easily. I was raised at least that well.
2. Do you have a secret that you've never told ANYONE?
Eh. Don’t think so. I don’t see much point in keeping secrets, so I usually don’t.
3. How do you handle stress?
I don’t usually get stressed, hahah. I only got stressed once all last year. Mostly, I get angry or depressed, or I just make a joke of things and keep taking it easy.
4. How would you spend your last day alive?
Being as cool as possible. No, I don’t know. I’d probably just say goodbye to all my friends and any family I have left, and then just wait by myself for the end. I’m not one for crowds or anything, but I’d probably like someone to be there with me. I’m scared of dying, so I’d like it if someone was there to hold my hand until I went.
5. Do you hide things well or do you have a guilty conscience?
Pfffft. I don’t usually do things that make me feel guilty. There isn’t a point. If you’re going to feel guilty, it was probably wrong, and I don’t really like breaking rules unless they’re totally stupid.
7. If your parents got divorced and you had to pick mom or dad to live with, who would you choose?
Dunno. Probably my mom.
--- LOVE:
1. Do you know if you're in love?
… I have… been in love. And it hurts. A lot. I went through a lot of pain and tears and anger, all because I loved this person so much that I couldn’t give up. Even after I found out she’d been lying to me, I still loved her, even though I was so confused. And, honestly, I do still love her, although I feel very cautious right now about letting myself love her as much as I did then, even though we’ve reconciled.
2. The last time you kissed someone - did you picture yourself with them?
I’ve never been kissed.
3. What’s the most important part of a relationship in your opinion?
Hmn. Well… honesty. Erica and I fell apart because she wasn’t honest with me and wouldn’t speak to me frankly, even though I would tell her anything. Kelsey and I fell apart the first time because she wasn’t honest with me, and when she finally told me the truth, I was so shocked that I caused us to get into a bad fight and break up… but now that we’re trying again, we’re both doing our best to be as honest and open as we can with each other. We talk whenever we can, and we’re both … working hard on understanding each other better and just being honest. So, honesty first, communication second and then understanding third, because those are the three most important things. Because… I could handle it if someone didn’t talk much to me (I don’t mind silence at all), or if they’re kind of emotionally retarded (Erica was), because to me, that just makes them kind of cute. The only thing that gets me is honesty.
4. If your parents didn't like the person you were dating, would you lose them?
Not if I cared about them enough. I know my dad has never approved of Kelsey, but I still love her dearly and we’re trying our best. So, yeah. It would usually depend, but no.
--- RANDOM:
1. Do you spend time with the same people always?
Yeah. Whitney and Jess are pretty much some of the only people I actually spend time with. Lauren too.
2. Do you think best friends can be replaced?
Mmm… this question is odd, but I don’t think it’s a question of “can” it’s more that sometimes you have to. If you lose touch with someone who was once your best friend, well, that doesn’t mean you can’t have another one. My best, best friend in first, second and third grade was this girl named Monica Sanchez, and when I moved to Virginia for fourth grade, we tried, but we totally lost touch. At this point, I’m not even sure where she is or what she’s like anymore. But I have new best friends who I really, really love, and they’re some of the most important people in my life. Jess, Lauren, Whitney, I love all three of you dearly. <3
3. Are you the type that would rather stay at other people's houses or have them at yours?
I love going over to other people’s houses. Especially Jess’s. It’s so interesting to see a family that’s so close and loving. My family loves each other, but we don’t really spend time together or eat together, so it’s fun to me.
4. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life?
Hmm… probably when Kelsey and I reconciled. I guess “truly” happy is difficult, though. Idyllwild wanting me back badly enough to give me back all my scholarship money so last minute … winning a silver medal in the National Scholastic Writing Contest … getting to meet voice actors I really admire, being given such sweet compliments by Mary Elizabeth McGlynn-who I really really admire; her voice is amazing and she’s so talented and nice (she said I was pretty and I had a really pretty voice. I was just talking to her!). I think there’ve been a lot of times I’ve been so happy I could literally die and I would be smiling.
5. Where was your default Facebook picture taken?
Hahah, um… I was at home, on my bed, and I was taking photos of myself because I had gotten a new haircut … Something made me laugh, so I accidentally clicked down on the photo button, and presto, new profile pic.
6. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
Yeah. Erica and Kelsey were/are both long distance, so. Kelsey and I make the effort, so it really is nice, and I really feel happy that she cares enough to try.
7. What is your favorite color?
Hm… silver. Blue. Green. Red. Black. White. I dunno, I like a lot.
8. What do you do when you have a bad day?
Go on Tvtropes… sing… write something… rant in my head… RP with Jess… yeah.
9. Do you really think exes can be "just friends"?
Honestly, I do, but I think to do that, you would need to have parted on good terms.
10. Who messaged you last?
My little bro. .w.
11. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Um… Oh. I told Lauren just an hour or so ago, because she missed me. <3
12. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
Hmm… well, I’m going to boarding school soon, so sure. Especially if said new life would involve something exciting. And, I mean, I can always call and visit. Leaving my life now doesn’t mean totally leaving it behind… it just means moving on with a new phase of my own life.
13. Do you fall for people easily?
Hmm… I usually fall for people by personality. The senior I had a giant crush on in freshman year, I liked him so much because of what an amazing actor he was, and how he just blew everyone away with his performance. I liked Arik after seeing him play piano and how excited he got about Final Fantasy music. When I liked Erica, that was just so gradual that I almost didn’t notice it, but she just… she was funny and smart and dry, and all of that just gave her this odd, wonderful charm that I just fell for. So, I don’t think it’s hard for me to fall for people, but I wouldn’t say it’s particularly easy.
14. Are you quick to start a fight?
Hm. Well, I have a bad temper, but I dislike fighting, so I usually don’t say anything and instead walk away. I like class discussions and such, though, getting to argue freely.
15. Do your parents really know YOU?
My step-dad thinks he does, but in his head, I’m just a bratty, spoiled teenager who thinks the world revolves around her. My mother, on the other hand, knows me pretty well-she’s actually startled me because of how well she knows me sometimes. She’s recognized that I worry about others to the point where I don’t think about myself at all, that I’m awkward and severely insecure… and just a lot of other stuff. She knows me very well.
16. Lyrics stuck in your head?
God damn, I had “Redlight District” by Porcelain and the Tramps stuck in my head for two weeks. I don’t even like that song. And right now, I have “My Hands” by Leona Lewis stuck in my head, but I like that song, so it’s okay. “Breathe Me” is also getting stuck, slowly, but that’s okay, because I love that song too.
17. Are you tired?
Not at the moment.
18. Any friends you'd like to tell how much you appreciate them?
I love all my friends, plain and simple. Even if I haven’t gotten to talk much with them, my friends know who they are, and know how much I adore them.
19. Last time you walked farther than one block?
Just this morning. I took Bandit on a thirty minute walk at around 9am or so.
--- OFF THE WALL:
1. What curse word do you use the most?
Hm… I use all of them. A lot. So I dunno. IRL and online.
2. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
Only if I’m going on a long, long plane ride (I took some sleeping pills on both flights over to Europe and back, to adjust to the time change better), or if I really can’t sleep. I’ve battled a lot of mild insomnia and inability to sleep, so sometimes I need the pills to sleep, otherwise I won’t get nearly enough.
4. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Uh. Hm. Too long ago. I want a frap now.
5. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Pfft, I know they do. Katie and Luna apparently used to do it a lot last year, which means Arik probably said some things, too. Some kids in the writing department definitely did… and probably some other students. There was also this one kid I smacked in freshman year for being a dick to my friend who posted YouTube videos re-enacting our “fight” (I smacked him, and he tried to smack me back, but just kind of fluffed my hair), where he was suddenly the hero defending my friend and I was the one bothering her, and he apparently beat me up and I was all pathetic. He said about me, “Yeah, she’s like, a six foot man, except, like, she’s got a vajayjay.” So… yeah. But it’s okay, because no one at the school gave a fuck about him LOL. I love Idyllwild, man.
6. Is anyone in love with you?
Yes. And I love her, too.
7. Ever cry in public?
Yeah. Probably a few times. But I never really get noticed. ;w;
8. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Pfft! No way. I’m terrified of needles.
9. What’s the weather like?
Eh. Decent. There’s an ocean breeze, so it’s not too hot.
10. What are you listening to?
“Breathe Me” by Sia on repeat. The pool waterfall outside. Mati kind of woofing quietly every once and a while behind me.
11. How many real best friends do you have?
Three. They’re some of the people most dear to me. Although, it might be four, even though I don’t get the chance to talk to him as much.
12. What are their names?
Lauren, Whitney and Jess. And probably Connor, too.
13. Do you pay attention to the calories in the package/box?
Nah. I just eat what I like. I don’t really care about my weight… which probably isn’t good… but hey, at least I’m not obese. Ew.
14. Do you use sarcasm?
All the time. I think my brother’s starting to pick it up, along with the flat look and dry voice. Hahah.
15. Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Hm. I dunno. I just get along with people, really.
I AM WATCHING CALL OF CTHULHU GUYS AND OH MY GOD WHY. I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE IT.
At least Helloween making dry comments helps me get through this. OTL
But I am going to finish this! I will do it!!
--- REALIZATION:
1. I've come to realize that my hair:
Is ugly. I don’t like my hair, at all. /:
2. I've come to realize that when I talk:
I will usually use several different voices of mine within one conversation. And I usually talk pretty loud, too.
3. I've come to realize that, when I love someone:
I get very awkward and flustered, but very floaty and happy. I can also be rather mean in my tsundere-ish, sarcastic way.
4. I've come to realize that I need:
to be at Idyllwild to be happy. My dogs. My family. My girlfriend and my writing. My music. And … just a lot of things.
5. I've come to realize that I've lost:
A lot of time. Chances to get to know people I’ll never be able to speak to again, either because I’ve lost touch or they’re just gone. My ability to trust easily. A lot of my patience and sympathy in growing into someone more mature. Stability came with apathy.
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when:
People pretend they get me. My step-father acts like he’s got me all figured out. My mom gets into one of her fits. I lose friends. People try to drag me into their drama. People act like they’re better than someone else. People act fake and superficial. (I hate a lot of things.)
7. I've come to realize that money:
Makes the world go round, as much as we’d like to pretend it’s not important. (You can’t buy a house or food or a car with “love”, as nice as that would be.)
8. I've come to realize that people:
Are very weak, fake beings. But I still love people and I wish they would help themselves. Being open and honest really isn’t as hard as it seems. I swear.
9. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
Myself. No matter what happens, I’m not going to fall into that stupid teenage trap, all that fitting in stuff.
10. I've come to realize that I love spending my time with:
My friends, my brother, my sister, my dogs and my mother. My computer. My music. My writing.
11. I've come to realize that the last time I cried I was:
Actually cried? Probably when my mom was telling me I wouldn’t ever get into a college the way I was going. She was freaking out and told me I would be working in a McDonald’s my whole life, the way I was going, and that I wasn’t going to be allowed to stay at home the way things were going… and even when I showed her all these forms for colleges wanting to get in touch with me and have me tour, she still told me, “I used to have such high hopes for you. I wanted you to be a marine biologist or something amazing, because you’ve always been smart enough,” and … and all that disappointment in her just killed me. I called Jess and curled up on this giant pillow in my closet and sobbed my eyes out because it felt like no matter what I was doing, it wouldn’t ever be good enough. I love my mom and I’ve always struggled with my grades, even when I try my best, so… I was very upset. But… I don’t know. I don’t usually cry anymore.
12. I've come to realize that my cell phone is:
… A device that helps me communicate. I don’t use it much unless I’m texting Kelsey.
13. I've come to realize that my friends are:
Some of the most important people in my life. I love each of them and I’m so grateful for all of them. Even if we don’t talk much anymore, I love all of you. And just knowing that each of you is there is so… wonderful to me. It really helps me get through a lot.
14. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night:
I have to listen to something… and I always think about what Jess and I spoke about that night.
15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
This. My stories-I’m working on a TsunaUni thing right now, and it’s really depressing (as that couple will always be), but I want to make it the best I can. I’m thinking about this song (“Breathe Me” by Sia), and about watching Six Feet Under because it sounds amazing and beautiful and tragic. I’m also thinking of my character Bianca, who is an insecure, nervous mess, trying to survive in her dysfunctional family (because I am also planning on writing something about her and Angelo).
16. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook:
I check my livestream to see if my friends are talking about anything interesting, respond to things people say to me, and maybe update my status. But I’m never on for more than 10-20 minutes. I dislike websites like that; tumblr and livejournal are much better.
17. I've come to realize that today:
I feel very content and quiet.
18. I've come to realize that tonight I will:
Have thai food to celebrate Idyllwild wanting me to come back enough to give me 26k once again.
19. I've come to realize that the last person I kissed is:
Huh… I’m pretty sure it was Bandit, my dog.
20. I've come to realize that I'll never be:
Pretty. Rid of my insecurities. Able to live without my friend Jess. Ready to say goodbye to anyone. Able to get to know so many people I’ve wanted to know.
--- HONESTY:
1. Will you answer every question honestly?
Sure, why not.
2. Have you ever stayed up all night while drunk or high?
I hate alcohol, and I dislike drugs. They smell terrible. I’ve never touched drugs and the only time I’ve ever had alcohol was a) New Year’s, when my mother wanted me to try Bailey’s, b) in Wales, I had a sip or two of champagne to celebrate my great aunt and great uncle’s anniversary, and c) when my cousin wanted me to try some weird cider drink of hers. I didn’t like any of them. So, no.
3. Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
HAH. Yes. A couple times. My brother, my friend Connor, and probably one or two other people.
4. Do you miss anything or anyone?
I miss Jess, Whitney, Idyllwild, Lucy, Erica… a lot of people.
5. What makes you laugh no matter what?
Pffft… I dunno. Tvtropes can usually get giggles out of me. Carlos Mencia and Pablo Francisco can make me smile, too. So can Brian Reagan.
6. Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past five hours?
Hah, no. I’ve never really kissed anyone on the lips.
7. Who was the last person you talked to?
Uh. Mom. I think.
8. What do you dislike at the moment?
Nothing at the moment, really. I’m pretty calm right now.
9. Name one of your friends who is the most like you?
Huh. Probably Sarah. We’re both Disney freaks, mildly perverted, able to be serious and blunt and honest, but kind to a fault, loud and excitable… yeah. We’re very, very similar; we just kind of hit it off instantly.
--- MORE HONESTY:
1. Do you get butterflies around the guys/girls you like?
Hmm… depends. I actually get pretty mean; I was pretty mean to Arik back when I liked him in Freshman year. But… I used to get very, very fluttery thinking about Erica and I get very happy and fluttery while talking to Kelsey, so… guess so.
2. Do you think it is bad to do drugs at your age?
… Doing drugs is always bad.
3. Will you get married?
I wouldn’t mind it, but I doubt anyone would want to marry me.
4. Will you be doing drugs in the near future?
… Why are you asking me all these drug questions? No, I don’t plan on taking drugs now, in the near future, or any time in the distant future. They’re idiotic and they smell awful.
--- VERY PERSONAL:
1. Are you happy with yourself?
Content is more the word. I know I’m intelligent and funny and very likable, but I also know I’m not very pretty, too tall, and kind of overweight. I know I’m honest and open and friendly, but I also know my own apathy and temper, my insecurities and my issues with trust. There’s sort of a balance I find in myself so I don’t hate myself, but I don’t particularly like myself.
2. Would you change yourself for the person you love?
Pffft. I don’t really plan on changing myself for anyone. I’m always going to be like this on the inside, so whoever’s with me should get used to the way I am. Besides, if I love someone, and they love me, they should love me for me. If they want me to change, well… that’s not real love, now is it?
---- SECRETS:
1. When did you last cry?
Just a few tears, not a total cry like I mentioned way back in the beginning? Jess sent me the YouTube video for “Wherever You Are” from Winnie the Pooh, and I shed one or two tears.
2. Do you believe in religion?
No. I don’t. I might wind up believing in God-anything can happen; I’ve got my whole life ahead of me-but I don’t believe in or like religion. I’ve been going to church for as long as I can remember, and even when I was younger, I never listened to the preacher because I never believed what he was saying. And now that I’m actually old enough to listen, I’m beginning to realize exactly how much organized religion actually kind of… scares me. It just feels like a cult, and it really creeps me out. So I just… no, I don’t believe in religion, and I prefer staying away from it.
3. What is currently on your mind?
Political issues, Bianca and Angelo and her weird family, KHR!, DRRR!!, Six Feet Under, “Breathe Me”, “the sound of shattered pearls and broken shellfish” (my TsunaUni story), and several other things.
--- SCANDALS:
1. Have you done bad things with your parents nearby?
Pffft. I’ve read dirty fics, read some yaoi comics on mangafox, some yuri comics, had to draw a yaoi picture for a secret santa thing on dA (LavixDeke/Deak/whateverthefuckhisnameis-aka, himself, anyone? I: )… I’ve cursed a lot, too. I also was looking at the /cm/, with my parents upstairs, asanskjdfkth.
2. Have you started a horrible rumor about somebody?
I don’t start rumors, and I usually only hear about them when they’ve already blown over. I’m not usually up to date with gossip… ever.
3. Did you ever fail the school year?
Hahah, no. I’ve managed to pass, but my grades are usually quite average. I’m so forgetful that I almost never remember to do assignments or turn them in. I test very well, but… yeah. Homework and such kills me.
4. Have you ever been too drunk to remember a certain night?
No, never.
5. Do you think your future will be a good one?
Who knows. I want to be a voice actress, so it definitely won’t be an easy future… but hopefully I can make it and I can be pretty happy.
--- DEEP THOUGHTS:
1. Do you think you were raised well?
Who knows. You guys don’t have to read this if you don’t want.
My “mother” was young when she had me, and she was also mentally retarded-her brain functions at about a fourth grade level. I don’t know who my father is-don’t know his name, his face, if he’s alive-and apparently I have an older brother out there somewhere who was put up for sale before I was born. I was conceived in West Palm Beach, Florida-my mom kept running away from home, which was in Canada-and even while she was heavily pregnant, she refused to believe she was pregnant. Then I was born and nine months later, she dumped me on my grandmother-now my mother; she adopted me in fourth grade-and I never learned any of this until I was in about third grade, but I never heard the full story until I was in about ninth.
My (real) mother raised me as best as she could, but she had just been cheated on by her husband with several other women (my brother has a half-brother only a few months younger than him, and that’s the one we know about. Yeah), and had gone through a divorce, so she was really devastated and she took to alcohol. She tried her best and sacrificed so much for us three kids, but we moved around constantly and she was always travelling and away from home, and even when she WAS home, she was so moody from the alcohol that it was hard to tell when it was okay to talk to her or not. She used to threaten to put me in a foster home and once almost choked me with fish, because she was trying to shove it down my throat to show me “what a foster home would be like”.
But… I love my mom. Very, very much. She’s a good, strong woman, and she’s given up so, so much to be able to provide for us, and she’s always come through. And when she met my step-dad, he helped her get sober, and she has been now ever since I was in fifth grade. However much I resent my step-dad, I’m really grateful to him for that.
So… really, I think I have it very easy compared to a lot of kids. The only things I’ve gained from what’s happened are a hatred of alcohol, a lot of insecurities from my step-dad, and a desire to find out who my father is and where my brother is. I’m smart and I’m well-liked; I know how to laugh and push past things, and with all the weird shit in my life (because this doesn’t even cover it), I’ve really pulled through and I’m a lot stronger than a lot of people my age, and some people who are older than me. I’m very protective of my siblings and I’ve learned not to trust so easily. I was raised at least that well.
2. Do you have a secret that you've never told ANYONE?
Eh. Don’t think so. I don’t see much point in keeping secrets, so I usually don’t.
3. How do you handle stress?
I don’t usually get stressed, hahah. I only got stressed once all last year. Mostly, I get angry or depressed, or I just make a joke of things and keep taking it easy.
4. How would you spend your last day alive?
Being as cool as possible. No, I don’t know. I’d probably just say goodbye to all my friends and any family I have left, and then just wait by myself for the end. I’m not one for crowds or anything, but I’d probably like someone to be there with me. I’m scared of dying, so I’d like it if someone was there to hold my hand until I went.
5. Do you hide things well or do you have a guilty conscience?
Pfffft. I don’t usually do things that make me feel guilty. There isn’t a point. If you’re going to feel guilty, it was probably wrong, and I don’t really like breaking rules unless they’re totally stupid.
7. If your parents got divorced and you had to pick mom or dad to live with, who would you choose?
Dunno. Probably my mom.
--- LOVE:
1. Do you know if you're in love?
… I have… been in love. And it hurts. A lot. I went through a lot of pain and tears and anger, all because I loved this person so much that I couldn’t give up. Even after I found out she’d been lying to me, I still loved her, even though I was so confused. And, honestly, I do still love her, although I feel very cautious right now about letting myself love her as much as I did then, even though we’ve reconciled.
2. The last time you kissed someone - did you picture yourself with them?
I’ve never been kissed.
3. What’s the most important part of a relationship in your opinion?
Hmn. Well… honesty. Erica and I fell apart because she wasn’t honest with me and wouldn’t speak to me frankly, even though I would tell her anything. Kelsey and I fell apart the first time because she wasn’t honest with me, and when she finally told me the truth, I was so shocked that I caused us to get into a bad fight and break up… but now that we’re trying again, we’re both doing our best to be as honest and open as we can with each other. We talk whenever we can, and we’re both … working hard on understanding each other better and just being honest. So, honesty first, communication second and then understanding third, because those are the three most important things. Because… I could handle it if someone didn’t talk much to me (I don’t mind silence at all), or if they’re kind of emotionally retarded (Erica was), because to me, that just makes them kind of cute. The only thing that gets me is honesty.
4. If your parents didn't like the person you were dating, would you lose them?
Not if I cared about them enough. I know my dad has never approved of Kelsey, but I still love her dearly and we’re trying our best. So, yeah. It would usually depend, but no.
--- RANDOM:
1. Do you spend time with the same people always?
Yeah. Whitney and Jess are pretty much some of the only people I actually spend time with. Lauren too.
2. Do you think best friends can be replaced?
Mmm… this question is odd, but I don’t think it’s a question of “can” it’s more that sometimes you have to. If you lose touch with someone who was once your best friend, well, that doesn’t mean you can’t have another one. My best, best friend in first, second and third grade was this girl named Monica Sanchez, and when I moved to Virginia for fourth grade, we tried, but we totally lost touch. At this point, I’m not even sure where she is or what she’s like anymore. But I have new best friends who I really, really love, and they’re some of the most important people in my life. Jess, Lauren, Whitney, I love all three of you dearly. <3
3. Are you the type that would rather stay at other people's houses or have them at yours?
I love going over to other people’s houses. Especially Jess’s. It’s so interesting to see a family that’s so close and loving. My family loves each other, but we don’t really spend time together or eat together, so it’s fun to me.
4. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life?
Hmm… probably when Kelsey and I reconciled. I guess “truly” happy is difficult, though. Idyllwild wanting me back badly enough to give me back all my scholarship money so last minute … winning a silver medal in the National Scholastic Writing Contest … getting to meet voice actors I really admire, being given such sweet compliments by Mary Elizabeth McGlynn-who I really really admire; her voice is amazing and she’s so talented and nice (she said I was pretty and I had a really pretty voice. I was just talking to her!). I think there’ve been a lot of times I’ve been so happy I could literally die and I would be smiling.
5. Where was your default Facebook picture taken?
Hahah, um… I was at home, on my bed, and I was taking photos of myself because I had gotten a new haircut … Something made me laugh, so I accidentally clicked down on the photo button, and presto, new profile pic.
6. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
Yeah. Erica and Kelsey were/are both long distance, so. Kelsey and I make the effort, so it really is nice, and I really feel happy that she cares enough to try.
7. What is your favorite color?
Hm… silver. Blue. Green. Red. Black. White. I dunno, I like a lot.
8. What do you do when you have a bad day?
Go on Tvtropes… sing… write something… rant in my head… RP with Jess… yeah.
9. Do you really think exes can be "just friends"?
Honestly, I do, but I think to do that, you would need to have parted on good terms.
10. Who messaged you last?
My little bro. .w.
11. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Um… Oh. I told Lauren just an hour or so ago, because she missed me. <3
12. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
Hmm… well, I’m going to boarding school soon, so sure. Especially if said new life would involve something exciting. And, I mean, I can always call and visit. Leaving my life now doesn’t mean totally leaving it behind… it just means moving on with a new phase of my own life.
13. Do you fall for people easily?
Hmm… I usually fall for people by personality. The senior I had a giant crush on in freshman year, I liked him so much because of what an amazing actor he was, and how he just blew everyone away with his performance. I liked Arik after seeing him play piano and how excited he got about Final Fantasy music. When I liked Erica, that was just so gradual that I almost didn’t notice it, but she just… she was funny and smart and dry, and all of that just gave her this odd, wonderful charm that I just fell for. So, I don’t think it’s hard for me to fall for people, but I wouldn’t say it’s particularly easy.
14. Are you quick to start a fight?
Hm. Well, I have a bad temper, but I dislike fighting, so I usually don’t say anything and instead walk away. I like class discussions and such, though, getting to argue freely.
15. Do your parents really know YOU?
My step-dad thinks he does, but in his head, I’m just a bratty, spoiled teenager who thinks the world revolves around her. My mother, on the other hand, knows me pretty well-she’s actually startled me because of how well she knows me sometimes. She’s recognized that I worry about others to the point where I don’t think about myself at all, that I’m awkward and severely insecure… and just a lot of other stuff. She knows me very well.
16. Lyrics stuck in your head?
God damn, I had “Redlight District” by Porcelain and the Tramps stuck in my head for two weeks. I don’t even like that song. And right now, I have “My Hands” by Leona Lewis stuck in my head, but I like that song, so it’s okay. “Breathe Me” is also getting stuck, slowly, but that’s okay, because I love that song too.
17. Are you tired?
Not at the moment.
18. Any friends you'd like to tell how much you appreciate them?
I love all my friends, plain and simple. Even if I haven’t gotten to talk much with them, my friends know who they are, and know how much I adore them.
19. Last time you walked farther than one block?
Just this morning. I took Bandit on a thirty minute walk at around 9am or so.
--- OFF THE WALL:
1. What curse word do you use the most?
Hm… I use all of them. A lot. So I dunno. IRL and online.
2. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
Only if I’m going on a long, long plane ride (I took some sleeping pills on both flights over to Europe and back, to adjust to the time change better), or if I really can’t sleep. I’ve battled a lot of mild insomnia and inability to sleep, so sometimes I need the pills to sleep, otherwise I won’t get nearly enough.
4. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Uh. Hm. Too long ago. I want a frap now.
5. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Pfft, I know they do. Katie and Luna apparently used to do it a lot last year, which means Arik probably said some things, too. Some kids in the writing department definitely did… and probably some other students. There was also this one kid I smacked in freshman year for being a dick to my friend who posted YouTube videos re-enacting our “fight” (I smacked him, and he tried to smack me back, but just kind of fluffed my hair), where he was suddenly the hero defending my friend and I was the one bothering her, and he apparently beat me up and I was all pathetic. He said about me, “Yeah, she’s like, a six foot man, except, like, she’s got a vajayjay.” So… yeah. But it’s okay, because no one at the school gave a fuck about him LOL. I love Idyllwild, man.
6. Is anyone in love with you?
Yes. And I love her, too.
7. Ever cry in public?
Yeah. Probably a few times. But I never really get noticed. ;w;
8. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Pfft! No way. I’m terrified of needles.
9. What’s the weather like?
Eh. Decent. There’s an ocean breeze, so it’s not too hot.
10. What are you listening to?
“Breathe Me” by Sia on repeat. The pool waterfall outside. Mati kind of woofing quietly every once and a while behind me.
11. How many real best friends do you have?
Three. They’re some of the people most dear to me. Although, it might be four, even though I don’t get the chance to talk to him as much.
12. What are their names?
Lauren, Whitney and Jess. And probably Connor, too.
13. Do you pay attention to the calories in the package/box?
Nah. I just eat what I like. I don’t really care about my weight… which probably isn’t good… but hey, at least I’m not obese. Ew.
14. Do you use sarcasm?
All the time. I think my brother’s starting to pick it up, along with the flat look and dry voice. Hahah.
15. Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Hm. I dunno. I just get along with people, really.
I AM WATCHING CALL OF CTHULHU GUYS AND OH MY GOD WHY. I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE IT.
At least Helloween making dry comments helps me get through this. OTL
But I am going to finish this! I will do it!!