Idyllwild and normal high schools.
So ... I'm feeling kind of ... weird. I dunno why. I guess it's because school is almost here, but I already know I'm not going to Idyllwild, which is kind of making me... feel .... off. I guess.
It also feels weird just because, well ... I'm kind of ... scared of going to a normal high school. I really am. I mean, I've been to Idyllwild, but... a normal high school is a totally different experience. Idyllwild isn't just a high school, it's ... it's like a second family. It's this wonderful community that all supports and cares for each other, where everyone is an artist of some sort and everyone is so... nice. It's weird to know that I won't be going back there to such a wonderful environment.
I mean, I doubt a normal high school will be that bad, but... I don't know. I honestly don't. There's just this apprehension in my stomach, and it's tying itself up in knots. No matter what I do, it's ... just kind of stuck there.
It's weird, though, because I don't feel ... depressed. Or upset, really. It's just that I can't sleep even though I'm tired and my stomach's been acting up more than usual lately...
Well. I guess it's just weird having to really ... accept that I won't be going back to Idyllwild this year. Dunno. But I'm kind of ... moving past it. I'm trying to remember all the reasons why I left and why I wanted to come home, how I was dreading going back after Spring Break, and ... just... all of it. It's difficult to get it all back, but I'm sure when the school year starts, I'll remember, "Oh yeah. This is why I wanted to stay home."
Drama and ... other crap like that. Stupid people making things so much bigger than they are, making themselves so much more important than they are, clinging to each other like lifelines and bad talking others...
Three people in particular come to mind, but it's difficult to think about them because I get so angry and yet... I remember how much I love them because they're my friends. Augh. Damn them for being such bitches this past year... Oh well. I'm not actually all that upset about them right now, honestly. They were one of the reasons I wanted to leave so badly, but they aren't one of the reasons why I'm upset. They're nowhere near important enough for that...
I just wonder what it's going to be like, going back to all those insecurities that normal schools have given me. In middle school, I was constantly ... harassed and badmouthed by other students because I sucked at PE. And yet, when I stopped trying so much and let other people handle it (which, I wouldn't do unless they had told me they could do it themselves...), they got even angrier. And then, some other girl, because she was basically a whore, whenever she messed up without even trying, they were like, "It's okay! Try again later!" And then she had the gall to try and tell me it was because she was always trying her hardest? Good Lord...
I ... hated middle school. I loved my friends and certain classes so much, but everyone else sucked. The teachers were insane, and everyone expected so much out of me because I was "Gifted & Talented", and the students were all either jocks, preps, whores, or gangsters. I just... augh.
Is a normal high school going to be like that? 'Cause I don't know if I can handle that. I keep telling myself that I'm only doing this to get good grades this year (which is true), so I don't have to like or dislike anyone there, but I know me, and I'm going to wind up so irritable. I suppose because this is California and this area is so ... new, I'm going to be dealing with a lot more preps than anything.
Sporty preps.
Godshootmenow.
I'm making myself all annoyed. T: God damn.
Well.
At least it's only a year... I hope I can do it. I'm a junior this year, woo. -waves a little flag- Wooo...
I ... really want my manga. I'm all depressed, and I know that would help. But I'm going to have to wait a bit longer, I guess. Hnm.
KHR! should have a new episode soon, too ... I hope...
Oh. Speaking of KHR!, the new character song CD comes out... tomorrow. -blink- Huh, that was fast.
Welp, I'm kind of... really excited, hahah.
(It's funny how fast I can switch moods. KHR! is already making me feel more relaxed.)
Xanxus, Squalo, Byakuran, Kikyou, Shouichi and Spanner will all apparently have songs. ... And so will Fran, Mukuro and Bel! I forgot about that. Oh wow, I'm excited to hear Fran... I've heard everyone else sing, so yeah. (Kikyou is Kazuki Kato. Y'know? The guy who sings one of the opening songs? Easy Go? Yeah.) Then Byakuran has the song Perfect World (which, while I kind of liked his voice, I didn't much like the song...). Spanner is Kenjiro Tsuda, and I have a song he's sung as Rockin' Robin on my iPod LOL. Babeh~ Naku nai yo~
Then, Shouichi had "NO CONTROL", and he also did that cover song for Mikado... and he sang the song Honey Bee for ... Prince of Tennis, I think. Yeah. Then Squalo had Chikonka no Ame, and Xanxus had ... his song LOL. Can't remember the title off the top of my head. Squalo's also Japan, so... yeah.
I'm... really excited. -twirls finger in the air- It's gonna be great.
I'm watching her for when it comes out, because she'll likely have the songs available for download not long after. Woot.
Yeah. I think I'm done. = 3=
It also feels weird just because, well ... I'm kind of ... scared of going to a normal high school. I really am. I mean, I've been to Idyllwild, but... a normal high school is a totally different experience. Idyllwild isn't just a high school, it's ... it's like a second family. It's this wonderful community that all supports and cares for each other, where everyone is an artist of some sort and everyone is so... nice. It's weird to know that I won't be going back there to such a wonderful environment.
I mean, I doubt a normal high school will be that bad, but... I don't know. I honestly don't. There's just this apprehension in my stomach, and it's tying itself up in knots. No matter what I do, it's ... just kind of stuck there.
It's weird, though, because I don't feel ... depressed. Or upset, really. It's just that I can't sleep even though I'm tired and my stomach's been acting up more than usual lately...
Well. I guess it's just weird having to really ... accept that I won't be going back to Idyllwild this year. Dunno. But I'm kind of ... moving past it. I'm trying to remember all the reasons why I left and why I wanted to come home, how I was dreading going back after Spring Break, and ... just... all of it. It's difficult to get it all back, but I'm sure when the school year starts, I'll remember, "Oh yeah. This is why I wanted to stay home."
Drama and ... other crap like that. Stupid people making things so much bigger than they are, making themselves so much more important than they are, clinging to each other like lifelines and bad talking others...
Three people in particular come to mind, but it's difficult to think about them because I get so angry and yet... I remember how much I love them because they're my friends. Augh. Damn them for being such bitches this past year... Oh well. I'm not actually all that upset about them right now, honestly. They were one of the reasons I wanted to leave so badly, but they aren't one of the reasons why I'm upset. They're nowhere near important enough for that...
I just wonder what it's going to be like, going back to all those insecurities that normal schools have given me. In middle school, I was constantly ... harassed and badmouthed by other students because I sucked at PE. And yet, when I stopped trying so much and let other people handle it (which, I wouldn't do unless they had told me they could do it themselves...), they got even angrier. And then, some other girl, because she was basically a whore, whenever she messed up without even trying, they were like, "It's okay! Try again later!" And then she had the gall to try and tell me it was because she was always trying her hardest? Good Lord...
I ... hated middle school. I loved my friends and certain classes so much, but everyone else sucked. The teachers were insane, and everyone expected so much out of me because I was "Gifted & Talented", and the students were all either jocks, preps, whores, or gangsters. I just... augh.
Is a normal high school going to be like that? 'Cause I don't know if I can handle that. I keep telling myself that I'm only doing this to get good grades this year (which is true), so I don't have to like or dislike anyone there, but I know me, and I'm going to wind up so irritable. I suppose because this is California and this area is so ... new, I'm going to be dealing with a lot more preps than anything.
Sporty preps.
Godshootmenow.
I'm making myself all annoyed. T: God damn.
Well.
At least it's only a year... I hope I can do it. I'm a junior this year, woo. -waves a little flag- Wooo...
I ... really want my manga. I'm all depressed, and I know that would help. But I'm going to have to wait a bit longer, I guess. Hnm.
KHR! should have a new episode soon, too ... I hope...
Oh. Speaking of KHR!, the new character song CD comes out... tomorrow. -blink- Huh, that was fast.
Welp, I'm kind of... really excited, hahah.
(It's funny how fast I can switch moods. KHR! is already making me feel more relaxed.)
Xanxus, Squalo, Byakuran, Kikyou, Shouichi and Spanner will all apparently have songs. ... And so will Fran, Mukuro and Bel! I forgot about that. Oh wow, I'm excited to hear Fran... I've heard everyone else sing, so yeah. (Kikyou is Kazuki Kato. Y'know? The guy who sings one of the opening songs? Easy Go? Yeah.) Then Byakuran has the song Perfect World (which, while I kind of liked his voice, I didn't much like the song...). Spanner is Kenjiro Tsuda, and I have a song he's sung as Rockin' Robin on my iPod LOL. Babeh~ Naku nai yo~
Then, Shouichi had "NO CONTROL", and he also did that cover song for Mikado... and he sang the song Honey Bee for ... Prince of Tennis, I think. Yeah. Then Squalo had Chikonka no Ame, and Xanxus had ... his song LOL. Can't remember the title off the top of my head. Squalo's also Japan, so... yeah.
I'm... really excited. -twirls finger in the air- It's gonna be great.
I'm watching her for when it comes out, because she'll likely have the songs available for download not long after. Woot.
Yeah. I think I'm done. = 3=