a little thing on apollo.
since i was reading wittitwitty's wiccan journal, i remembered i should probably mention this... odd exchange i had with someone who i think was Apollo. i say think because... well, it was odd. it almost felt like talking to myself, but it was never anything i would say. nothing i would acknowledge without someone pushing me. so i don't know how to explain it. (i really do need to get more into wicca, i feel so terrible for never being able to make time for it.)
anyway, it was interesting. i was still on and off crying about everything my mom had said to me, still angry and upset and just... well, i think everyone knows how it goes with mother-daughter fights.
i was still upset, and... i can't remember exactly what was said? i think i thought something to myself about my mom - something about how i wanted to make her proud and that i couldn't... gosh, i can't remember. it was just about how i wanted to know she loved me and how i couldn't be proud of myself until she was. i think.
and someone responded, saying something about how... i had to love myself before i could accept that she loved me. that i had to be proud of myself, or nothing anyone said would mean anything. i had it backwards.
honestly, i waited far too long to write this down! i can't fully remember what was said, but i remembered i felt so warm, like someone was... someone was proud of me, and wanted me to be the best i could be. and even though i'm still... shaky, still insecure and self-depreciating, i guess i'm trying harder not to let everything get me down, and to be more serious about my work.
thus far, it's only really working in my arts? hahahah. although, i have been much more proactive in printing things for class, getting work done, getting up in the morning, ectetera.
so, yeah. i just remembered i should probably write it down. it's surreal that i still remember it, honestly, because i usually write stuff like that off. but, i don't know. like i said, it felt like talking to myself but not. i really... can't explain it? oh well.
on a side note, i can't have candles or anything in my room. :( so i don't know what to do to honor Apollo here, in my room, but i still do sing everyday. and it's sunny today! it's so nice to see it; it's been cloudy the past three or four.
okay, i think that's everything. i'm going to go finish my sherlock holmes reading for class later. and then, if i have time, i'm going to continue with that book cindy gave me. i'm sorry i haven't finished it yet!
...oh! also, i have a question. (mainly for marie and cindy.) what was it like for you two, getting into this? if you have any other friends who could help, too, i wouldn't mind meeting them. although i'm awkward as hell, with new people. uuum... yeah. i think that's it.
edit: as i'm still new, wicca/witchcraft/paganism and whatnot - i'm still learning the differences. thanks for telling me there is one, cindy!
anyway, it was interesting. i was still on and off crying about everything my mom had said to me, still angry and upset and just... well, i think everyone knows how it goes with mother-daughter fights.
i was still upset, and... i can't remember exactly what was said? i think i thought something to myself about my mom - something about how i wanted to make her proud and that i couldn't... gosh, i can't remember. it was just about how i wanted to know she loved me and how i couldn't be proud of myself until she was. i think.
and someone responded, saying something about how... i had to love myself before i could accept that she loved me. that i had to be proud of myself, or nothing anyone said would mean anything. i had it backwards.
honestly, i waited far too long to write this down! i can't fully remember what was said, but i remembered i felt so warm, like someone was... someone was proud of me, and wanted me to be the best i could be. and even though i'm still... shaky, still insecure and self-depreciating, i guess i'm trying harder not to let everything get me down, and to be more serious about my work.
thus far, it's only really working in my arts? hahahah. although, i have been much more proactive in printing things for class, getting work done, getting up in the morning, ectetera.
so, yeah. i just remembered i should probably write it down. it's surreal that i still remember it, honestly, because i usually write stuff like that off. but, i don't know. like i said, it felt like talking to myself but not. i really... can't explain it? oh well.
on a side note, i can't have candles or anything in my room. :( so i don't know what to do to honor Apollo here, in my room, but i still do sing everyday. and it's sunny today! it's so nice to see it; it's been cloudy the past three or four.
okay, i think that's everything. i'm going to go finish my sherlock holmes reading for class later. and then, if i have time, i'm going to continue with that book cindy gave me. i'm sorry i haven't finished it yet!
...oh! also, i have a question. (mainly for marie and cindy.) what was it like for you two, getting into this? if you have any other friends who could help, too, i wouldn't mind meeting them. although i'm awkward as hell, with new people. uuum... yeah. i think that's it.
edit: as i'm still new, wicca/witchcraft/paganism and whatnot - i'm still learning the differences. thanks for telling me there is one, cindy!