100 questionssss.
1) Full Name: Ariel Elizabeth B. Funny story, I was supposed to be named Ariadne, not Ariel. Ahahah.
2) Male/Female: Female. o':
3) Were you named after anyone?: Knowing my biological mother, probably the Little Mermaid. ...For some reason I almost typed "litter" instead of "little". LOL.
4) Does your name mean anything?: Uh... Lion of God or something like that. /:
5) Nick Name(s): Ari, Manrii, Mitsuki, Kira, Star, Alice... yeah.
6) Who do you think you look like: LOL um... Erica once told me I looked like Rinoa (FF8) with wavy hair. I don't think I look like anyone. Saying I did would be an insult to the person I looked like.
7) Date Of Birth: March 1st, 1994.
8) Place of Birth and Current Location: Leamington, Ontario.. and I am currently in Idyllwild, California.
9) Nationality: I'm Welsh/Mayan by heritage, and Canadian by birth. :'D But I guess now I'm also an American 'cause duel citizenship? Idk.
10) Astrology Sign: I am a Pisces, full on. I'm pretty much a poster girl for it.
11) Chinese Astrology Sign: I'm a dog. Right? I think.
12) Religion: None. I'm agnostic, even though I was raised Protestant. I just don't believe any of it. /:>
13) What’s your favorite smell?: Idk. Home, things baking. My puppy.
14) Political Position?: Uhhh.. I guess I'm more of a democrat...?
15) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?: I like juice. I guess.
16) Hair + Eye color: I have darkdarkbrown hair/black hair, with golden streaks in it from highlights. And my eyes are very dark brown. People have said they look black. /:
17) Do you look like anyone famous?: LOL NO.
18) What do you look like?: WHAT DO I--LOL WHAT. I guess I look like a panda!! -DONNNN-
19) Any unusual talents?: Um... I am good at various voices and... yeah? I don't know.
20) Rightly, Lefty, or Ambidextrous?: I'm a righty.
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: I think for now I'll classify myself as pansexual. I just like people, regardless of gender and without leaning in particular towards one or the other.
22) What do you do for a living?: I'm a student right now, but I want to go into video game design or voice acting. :'D
23) What do you do for fun?: Surf the net, talk with friends, read TVtropes, sleep, listen to music, doodle, sing... yeah...
24) What are your favorite art materials to work with?: I love pencils and Sakura pens. I also use Hero Burger (my laptop) a lot. I also like Photoshop I guess.
25) What kind of materials would you like to work with?: I kind of want to try copic markers. A lot.
26) Have you met your grandparents?: Yep.
27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: I just broke up with Kelsey (relieffffff) and I'm still struggling to get over Erica hahahah. It's not working very well.
28) Crush: Pretty sure I still have a big one on Erica haaaaahahahahah. Also countless anime people--AND HOLY SHIT WHO JUST SCREAMED OH GOD. -closes window-
29) What celebrity would you date if you could?: UM... I... don't know?? A VOICE ACTOR PROBABLY...
30) Current worries?: I'm forcing myself to keep calm, so I'm not really worried about much.
31) Favorite online Guy/Girl(s): I love all my online friends what.
32) Favorite place to be?: My bed, my room.
33) Least favorite place to be?: Anywhere with too many people...
34) Do you burn or tan?: I tan.
35) Ever break a bone?: Nope! :'D
36) What is your favorite cereal?: Life cereal. Om nom.
37) Person you cry with: Myself... or Jessi... I guess.
Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: lol yeah. I have a little sister.
39) Any brothers: One little brother. I LOVE HIM.
40) Any pets: I have three dogs. >w< Bandit, Bridget and Mati. <3 <3 <3
41) An Illness: Eh? Not at the moment, I guess. And I think mentally I'm alright if a little unstable. My family has a history of bipolar disorder and diabetes, though.
42) A Pager: lol what? No.
43) A Personal phone line: Not really.
44) A Cell phone: Yep. His name is Walker.
45) A visible birthmark: No. It's on my lower hip... I can't remember which side. LOL.
46) A Pool or hot tub: We have both at my house, yeah.
47) A Car: Nope. I'm kind of scared of driving LOL.
Describe Your...
48) Personality: Oh god. Um. I'm a lot like Kida Masaomi from DRRR!! IRL. I'm also a hell of a lot like Alice from Pandora Hearts. Yeah. Basically I'm kind of severely insecure but I act loud and kind of flamboyant on the outside. People seem to like me naturally, even though I'm almost brutally honest to the point of meanness. I'm really funny and apparently cute augh and I love my friends dearly. I mess up a lot but I'm a very strong person. But my temper is absolutely horrible, and I snap quickly even though it doesn't ever last too long. Yeah. I don't know. I don't like talking about myself hahahahah.
49) Driving: I HAVE NEVER DRIVEN BEFORE...
50) Your clothing style: Comfortable. I only wear stuff I'm comfy in.
51) Room: Messy, anime stuff scattered around, lots of pillows and some stuffed animals. Yeah.
52) What’s missing: ...my what. I don't know?
53) School: AMAZING. Idyllwild Arts Academy is awesome you guys like woah. I love it here so much.
54) Bed: Uhhh... pillows, a big blanket. It's normal.
55) Relationship with your parent(s): It's usually pretty good with my mom. She just sometimes freaks out on me and gets kind of hysterical. And with my step-dad... yeah. He's the main reason for my past, almost crippling insecurity (it's gotten soooo much better in recent years).
56) Do you believe in yourself: Sometimes. I guess.
57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: Honestly, yeah. To a certain extent.
58) Consider yourself a good listener: Yes.
59) Have a future dream that you would like to share?: -shrug- Not really.
60) Get Along with your parents: I guess so. Not any worse or better than anyone else my age, I suppose.
61) Save your e-mail conversations: I save my AIM conversations and Skype conversations. :'D
62) Pray: Nope.
63) Believe in reincarnation: Kind of.
64) Brush your teeth twice a day?: Most of the time. But I do always brush in the mornings even if I'm too tired to at night.
65) Like to talk on the phone: Only with Jessi, hahah.
66) Like to eat?: Yep.
67) Like to exercise?: Not particularly, but I don't mind it. PE here is okay. At least people don't just make fun of me the whole time.
68) Like to watch sports?: Only sports anime. LOL. I adore both Eyeshield 21 and Ookiku Furikabutte. I don't know what it is, but sports manga just... make me so happy. HAHAH.
69) Sing in the car?: Yep. >w>
70) What is a dream that you have all the time?: Uh... I don't dream too much lately, sadly. And I don't dream the same things over and over. I have really zany dreams that come out like epic adventures, and some are just plain weird. I also have dreams that show scenes anywhere from 5 seconds to 20 minutes of something that's going to be happening in my life. I seriously had one scene I saw in a dream from before I had even considered going to Idyllwild where I was talking with my friend Amber... like, a month ago. I had that dream in like fifth grade. Make of that what you will.
71) Dream in color: Yeah, all the time.
72) Do you have nightmares?: Not usually.
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: lol yeah, sometimes.
74) Right next to you: A wall, a window, an alarm clock, and on my other side, my desk and... a bunch of stuff on that.
75) On your favorite coffee cup?: I don't have a favorite coffee cup.
76) On your mouse pad: Don't have one.
77) favorite flavor of gum?: Idk.
78) Your brand of deodorant?: Dove.
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: ...?? I don't know.
80) Your dream husband/wife: I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, BRO. UHHH.
81) Hiding in your closet?: ...LOL what.
83) The name of one of your closest/best friends?: Jessi, Lauren, Whitney, Connor, IRL. And then on the intaneto... I would say Jubi is one of my best online friends, hahahah. -awkward- ;;;
84) Your bad time of the day: Mornings oh god ugh. I'm such a night owl so mornings suck.
85) Your worst fear(s): Sharks, pain, dying, turning invisible/not existing, that everyone I'm friends with has been lying to me and doesn't actually give a shit about me, snakes, needles, being worthless, abandonment, ect. Basic fears, I guess.
86) What's the weather like: Right now? Idyllwild is a mountain with PMS, man. I dunno.
87) Your favorite time of year?: I like Fall and Winter.
88) Your favorite holiday?: Hm. I like Christmas because of the snow... and I also like St. David's Day, 'cause that's my birthday LOL.
89) A material weakness?: Eh? Like, objects? Hero Burger (laptop) and Tibarn (iPod), I guess. I love them both like they're actually my friends (even though we're always arguing augh). My dogs... um... presents I've gotten from friends, my autographs from voice actors, my art books... some of my manga... idk.
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: ??? I don't know. I don't think I like anything too out there, honestly. I'm kind of a chicken when it comes to new foods, hahah.
91) At the top of your "to-do list"?: Umm... idk. I just sort of do things on a "as they come" basis, so I don't usually keep to-do lists. =w=; I guess I would like to write a novel--I have an idea for a series, probably a trilogy, and I have an idea for a novel about two characters named Winter and Summer, but... yeah. I would also like to work on a video game and voice act a decently noticeable part in an anime. YEAAAH.
92) The hardest thing about growing up: For me, maturity comes with apathy. So that was really difficult for me to accept... I hated how I felt so bitchy because I just didn't care about most things anymore. But I'm so sensitive that if I tried to care I would be breaking down all the damn time. So sometimes... you've got to sacrifice. I don't have as many friends, but the ones I do have are better, and I'm generally calmer (and sometimes how laid-back I am is not to my benefit). I also hate how you seem to fight more with your parents.
93) A pet peeve?: Too many to even list LOL. My temper is very similar to Shizuo's: all too easily triggered, but calmed not much later (and probably after a bit of RAGE).
94) Your scariest moment: Um... several moments where I panicked that I got lost... some night panic attacks I've had--they sound funny when I explain them, but some of them scared me so much that I had to hide under my covers, in a ball, crying to myself and begging Jessi not to hang up because I was so petrified. /: There was also when I was younger; me and my little brother were left in the car as my mom ran to pick up something from the farmer's market real quick, Zeke fucked up the emergency brake, and we almost rolled down a giant hill and crashed into a house. I had to sit in the front seat with my foot on the brake for ten minutes. Fucking... augh. I am kind of a fraidy cat, tho'.
95) Your attitude about love?: Hm. I think it's necessary, but because I tend to fall way too quickly and way too hard (I've been in love twice and both have ended badly--i.e., Kelsey and Erica), so I'm really wary of it now. Even love within my family is painful because of how my family seems prone to... well. I don't know. My mom to hysteria and breakdowns and my step-dad to snark and mean jokes that aren't funny and my little sister to mouthiness that makes me want to smack her across the face... so... I dunno. Love hurts, basically, and it can make you angry and crazy. But... I'd still like to think that we need it.
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex?: Umm... I am... not--I don't know. IRL, I don't really bother. I just have fun being weird. Especially this year, I don't actually like anyone here (I think). So... yeah. And I'm a total tsundere when I like people--sadly, with emphasis on the tsun. OTL I really liked my friend Arik freshman year and oh god I was a bitch to him. I could also snark a lot at my friend Matt, who I also liked, and back when I still really liked Kelsey, I was sarcastic as hell with her and I would be really blunt. EVEN WITH ERICA, I WOULD SAY MEAN THINGS IN A FUNNY/CHEERFUL WAY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME LOL.
97) The worst feeling in the world: Hm. I would say... I guess... in a way, I agree with Jubi saying "guilt". But I think for me it's more... being invisible, or just that general feeling of totally falling apart. That's all it takes for me to cave in on myself, curl into a ball and cry. Guilt I can handle.
WARNING : MAJOR DEPRESSING STUFF AHEAD.
One of the lowest points in my life thus far was when, in eighth grade, my mom and step-dad were worried that Jess and I were obsessed with each other (and, you know, maybe we were. I don't know), and so they forbade me to communicate with her. This went on for about a month or two, and... I can say without shame that I was literally having a mental breakdown after two weeks. I started hurting myself, tearing at my arms with my nails, and I would have panic attacks and I would randomly get angry and then get depressed and then desperate. I was just... a wreck. And even if Jess and I did have a slightly obsessive relationship, I... hated them both for putting us through that. For a while. Even now, that's something I can't forgive them for doing. And during that time, I... felt... so incomplete, like I was alone and like no one cared that I was falling apart. That was one of the first times I ever felt like I didn't exist, although it was in a different way from other times... but I suppose that then, I was much more unhinged, so.
Then I guess the second worse time was when Erica just suddenly stopped talking to me and replaced me with someone exactly like me. I sort of realized I hadn't ever been anything to her in the long run, even with everything I had told her and she had told me and how I felt about her and how I knew she cared about me (she thought about me while looking at oreos, come on...) and--god, I can't even talk about it. Hahah. My hands are shaking. But I literally started falling apart again, and I felt like no one could see me and that no one cared... and I felt like I had been broken, like I didn't exist anymore. I actually questioned if I was there anymore. It completely destroyed all the happiness I had built up, and I still haven't gotten over it, even though I thought I had. Being honest, I still love her and I don't understand what happened for her to suddenly stop talking to me and move on to a less intelligent version of me. I have to say I think it's because--being totally honest--she couldn't handle that I challenged her and cut past all her bullshit. But... hahah, I got so off topic. I can't talk about her because all those feelings come rushing back... i'mhereiknowiamandiexist.
Then there was that... complete emotional meltdown I had two weeks ago, hahahah. I felt like in life I could just curl up in bed and no one would notice there was anything wrong or that I was even gone. I was just totally overwhelmed by everything and I can't even explain why now.
DEPRESSING STUFF OVER.
So yeah. Falling apart internally and being invisible. Those are the worst.
98) The best feeling in the world: ...Mm. Some of my best feelings come from being in love. Kelsey and Erica made me feel like everything in life was okay. They were just... so important, and they made me smile and laugh and care about myself a little more. When I was with both of them, I felt better about myself; I felt like I mattered and like I could actually... be pretty. Like I could be something special, you know? Especially a lot of the compliments and little things Erica would say. With Kelsey, she's more flamboyant and insecure like me, so when she said things it was more, "D'aw," but... with Erica... god. She was so emotionally retarded that whenever she said something remotely sappy, she would mean it. Like... really mean it. And she would just... say some of the sweetest things, and for those several months we were together, I was probably one of the happiest people in the whole god damn world. I felt like I could actually fly, that's how much I loved her. (Still love her, hahah...) The great feeling I get after a roller coaster or a reading can't even compare to how happy that damn girl made me.
And the stupid thing is that it... doesn't even matter to her. She couldn't care any less about me anymore. And I still don't understand why.
Shit. Stupid questionaire, making me cry. WHY AM I SUCH A SAP.
99) Who sent this to you?: No one. I stole it from the meme com.
100) Four to six people you tag: LOL too lazy. Just take it if you want.
2) Male/Female: Female. o':
3) Were you named after anyone?: Knowing my biological mother, probably the Little Mermaid. ...For some reason I almost typed "litter" instead of "little". LOL.
4) Does your name mean anything?: Uh... Lion of God or something like that. /:
5) Nick Name(s): Ari, Manrii, Mitsuki, Kira, Star, Alice... yeah.
6) Who do you think you look like: LOL um... Erica once told me I looked like Rinoa (FF8) with wavy hair. I don't think I look like anyone. Saying I did would be an insult to the person I looked like.
7) Date Of Birth: March 1st, 1994.
8) Place of Birth and Current Location: Leamington, Ontario.. and I am currently in Idyllwild, California.
9) Nationality: I'm Welsh/Mayan by heritage, and Canadian by birth. :'D But I guess now I'm also an American 'cause duel citizenship? Idk.
10) Astrology Sign: I am a Pisces, full on. I'm pretty much a poster girl for it.
11) Chinese Astrology Sign: I'm a dog. Right? I think.
12) Religion: None. I'm agnostic, even though I was raised Protestant. I just don't believe any of it. /:>
13) What’s your favorite smell?: Idk. Home, things baking. My puppy.
14) Political Position?: Uhhh.. I guess I'm more of a democrat...?
15) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?: I like juice. I guess.
16) Hair + Eye color: I have darkdarkbrown hair/black hair, with golden streaks in it from highlights. And my eyes are very dark brown. People have said they look black. /:
17) Do you look like anyone famous?: LOL NO.
18) What do you look like?: WHAT DO I--LOL WHAT. I guess I look like a panda!! -DONNNN-
19) Any unusual talents?: Um... I am good at various voices and... yeah? I don't know.
20) Rightly, Lefty, or Ambidextrous?: I'm a righty.
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: I think for now I'll classify myself as pansexual. I just like people, regardless of gender and without leaning in particular towards one or the other.
22) What do you do for a living?: I'm a student right now, but I want to go into video game design or voice acting. :'D
23) What do you do for fun?: Surf the net, talk with friends, read TVtropes, sleep, listen to music, doodle, sing... yeah...
24) What are your favorite art materials to work with?: I love pencils and Sakura pens. I also use Hero Burger (my laptop) a lot. I also like Photoshop I guess.
25) What kind of materials would you like to work with?: I kind of want to try copic markers. A lot.
26) Have you met your grandparents?: Yep.
27) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: I just broke up with Kelsey (relieffffff) and I'm still struggling to get over Erica hahahah. It's not working very well.
28) Crush: Pretty sure I still have a big one on Erica haaaaahahahahah. Also countless anime people--AND HOLY SHIT WHO JUST SCREAMED OH GOD. -closes window-
29) What celebrity would you date if you could?: UM... I... don't know?? A VOICE ACTOR PROBABLY...
30) Current worries?: I'm forcing myself to keep calm, so I'm not really worried about much.
31) Favorite online Guy/Girl(s): I love all my online friends what.
32) Favorite place to be?: My bed, my room.
33) Least favorite place to be?: Anywhere with too many people...
34) Do you burn or tan?: I tan.
35) Ever break a bone?: Nope! :'D
36) What is your favorite cereal?: Life cereal. Om nom.
37) Person you cry with: Myself... or Jessi... I guess.
Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: lol yeah. I have a little sister.
39) Any brothers: One little brother. I LOVE HIM.
40) Any pets: I have three dogs. >w< Bandit, Bridget and Mati. <3 <3 <3
41) An Illness: Eh? Not at the moment, I guess. And I think mentally I'm alright if a little unstable. My family has a history of bipolar disorder and diabetes, though.
42) A Pager: lol what? No.
43) A Personal phone line: Not really.
44) A Cell phone: Yep. His name is Walker.
45) A visible birthmark: No. It's on my lower hip... I can't remember which side. LOL.
46) A Pool or hot tub: We have both at my house, yeah.
47) A Car: Nope. I'm kind of scared of driving LOL.
Describe Your...
48) Personality: Oh god. Um. I'm a lot like Kida Masaomi from DRRR!! IRL. I'm also a hell of a lot like Alice from Pandora Hearts. Yeah. Basically I'm kind of severely insecure but I act loud and kind of flamboyant on the outside. People seem to like me naturally, even though I'm almost brutally honest to the point of meanness. I'm really funny and apparently cute augh and I love my friends dearly. I mess up a lot but I'm a very strong person. But my temper is absolutely horrible, and I snap quickly even though it doesn't ever last too long. Yeah. I don't know. I don't like talking about myself hahahahah.
49) Driving: I HAVE NEVER DRIVEN BEFORE...
50) Your clothing style: Comfortable. I only wear stuff I'm comfy in.
51) Room: Messy, anime stuff scattered around, lots of pillows and some stuffed animals. Yeah.
52) What’s missing: ...my what. I don't know?
53) School: AMAZING. Idyllwild Arts Academy is awesome you guys like woah. I love it here so much.
54) Bed: Uhhh... pillows, a big blanket. It's normal.
55) Relationship with your parent(s): It's usually pretty good with my mom. She just sometimes freaks out on me and gets kind of hysterical. And with my step-dad... yeah. He's the main reason for my past, almost crippling insecurity (it's gotten soooo much better in recent years).
56) Do you believe in yourself: Sometimes. I guess.
57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: Honestly, yeah. To a certain extent.
58) Consider yourself a good listener: Yes.
59) Have a future dream that you would like to share?: -shrug- Not really.
60) Get Along with your parents: I guess so. Not any worse or better than anyone else my age, I suppose.
61) Save your e-mail conversations: I save my AIM conversations and Skype conversations. :'D
62) Pray: Nope.
63) Believe in reincarnation: Kind of.
64) Brush your teeth twice a day?: Most of the time. But I do always brush in the mornings even if I'm too tired to at night.
65) Like to talk on the phone: Only with Jessi, hahah.
66) Like to eat?: Yep.
67) Like to exercise?: Not particularly, but I don't mind it. PE here is okay. At least people don't just make fun of me the whole time.
68) Like to watch sports?: Only sports anime. LOL. I adore both Eyeshield 21 and Ookiku Furikabutte. I don't know what it is, but sports manga just... make me so happy. HAHAH.
69) Sing in the car?: Yep. >w>
70) What is a dream that you have all the time?: Uh... I don't dream too much lately, sadly. And I don't dream the same things over and over. I have really zany dreams that come out like epic adventures, and some are just plain weird. I also have dreams that show scenes anywhere from 5 seconds to 20 minutes of something that's going to be happening in my life. I seriously had one scene I saw in a dream from before I had even considered going to Idyllwild where I was talking with my friend Amber... like, a month ago. I had that dream in like fifth grade. Make of that what you will.
71) Dream in color: Yeah, all the time.
72) Do you have nightmares?: Not usually.
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: lol yeah, sometimes.
74) Right next to you: A wall, a window, an alarm clock, and on my other side, my desk and... a bunch of stuff on that.
75) On your favorite coffee cup?: I don't have a favorite coffee cup.
76) On your mouse pad: Don't have one.
77) favorite flavor of gum?: Idk.
78) Your brand of deodorant?: Dove.
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: ...?? I don't know.
80) Your dream husband/wife: I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, BRO. UHHH.
81) Hiding in your closet?: ...LOL what.
83) The name of one of your closest/best friends?: Jessi, Lauren, Whitney, Connor, IRL. And then on the intaneto... I would say Jubi is one of my best online friends, hahahah. -awkward- ;;;
84) Your bad time of the day: Mornings oh god ugh. I'm such a night owl so mornings suck.
85) Your worst fear(s): Sharks, pain, dying, turning invisible/not existing, that everyone I'm friends with has been lying to me and doesn't actually give a shit about me, snakes, needles, being worthless, abandonment, ect. Basic fears, I guess.
86) What's the weather like: Right now? Idyllwild is a mountain with PMS, man. I dunno.
87) Your favorite time of year?: I like Fall and Winter.
88) Your favorite holiday?: Hm. I like Christmas because of the snow... and I also like St. David's Day, 'cause that's my birthday LOL.
89) A material weakness?: Eh? Like, objects? Hero Burger (laptop) and Tibarn (iPod), I guess. I love them both like they're actually my friends (even though we're always arguing augh). My dogs... um... presents I've gotten from friends, my autographs from voice actors, my art books... some of my manga... idk.
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: ??? I don't know. I don't think I like anything too out there, honestly. I'm kind of a chicken when it comes to new foods, hahah.
91) At the top of your "to-do list"?: Umm... idk. I just sort of do things on a "as they come" basis, so I don't usually keep to-do lists. =w=; I guess I would like to write a novel--I have an idea for a series, probably a trilogy, and I have an idea for a novel about two characters named Winter and Summer, but... yeah. I would also like to work on a video game and voice act a decently noticeable part in an anime. YEAAAH.
92) The hardest thing about growing up: For me, maturity comes with apathy. So that was really difficult for me to accept... I hated how I felt so bitchy because I just didn't care about most things anymore. But I'm so sensitive that if I tried to care I would be breaking down all the damn time. So sometimes... you've got to sacrifice. I don't have as many friends, but the ones I do have are better, and I'm generally calmer (and sometimes how laid-back I am is not to my benefit). I also hate how you seem to fight more with your parents.
93) A pet peeve?: Too many to even list LOL. My temper is very similar to Shizuo's: all too easily triggered, but calmed not much later (and probably after a bit of RAGE).
94) Your scariest moment: Um... several moments where I panicked that I got lost... some night panic attacks I've had--they sound funny when I explain them, but some of them scared me so much that I had to hide under my covers, in a ball, crying to myself and begging Jessi not to hang up because I was so petrified. /: There was also when I was younger; me and my little brother were left in the car as my mom ran to pick up something from the farmer's market real quick, Zeke fucked up the emergency brake, and we almost rolled down a giant hill and crashed into a house. I had to sit in the front seat with my foot on the brake for ten minutes. Fucking... augh. I am kind of a fraidy cat, tho'.
95) Your attitude about love?: Hm. I think it's necessary, but because I tend to fall way too quickly and way too hard (I've been in love twice and both have ended badly--i.e., Kelsey and Erica), so I'm really wary of it now. Even love within my family is painful because of how my family seems prone to... well. I don't know. My mom to hysteria and breakdowns and my step-dad to snark and mean jokes that aren't funny and my little sister to mouthiness that makes me want to smack her across the face... so... I dunno. Love hurts, basically, and it can make you angry and crazy. But... I'd still like to think that we need it.
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex?: Umm... I am... not--I don't know. IRL, I don't really bother. I just have fun being weird. Especially this year, I don't actually like anyone here (I think). So... yeah. And I'm a total tsundere when I like people--sadly, with emphasis on the tsun. OTL I really liked my friend Arik freshman year and oh god I was a bitch to him. I could also snark a lot at my friend Matt, who I also liked, and back when I still really liked Kelsey, I was sarcastic as hell with her and I would be really blunt. EVEN WITH ERICA, I WOULD SAY MEAN THINGS IN A FUNNY/CHEERFUL WAY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME LOL.
97) The worst feeling in the world: Hm. I would say... I guess... in a way, I agree with Jubi saying "guilt". But I think for me it's more... being invisible, or just that general feeling of totally falling apart. That's all it takes for me to cave in on myself, curl into a ball and cry. Guilt I can handle.
WARNING : MAJOR DEPRESSING STUFF AHEAD.
One of the lowest points in my life thus far was when, in eighth grade, my mom and step-dad were worried that Jess and I were obsessed with each other (and, you know, maybe we were. I don't know), and so they forbade me to communicate with her. This went on for about a month or two, and... I can say without shame that I was literally having a mental breakdown after two weeks. I started hurting myself, tearing at my arms with my nails, and I would have panic attacks and I would randomly get angry and then get depressed and then desperate. I was just... a wreck. And even if Jess and I did have a slightly obsessive relationship, I... hated them both for putting us through that. For a while. Even now, that's something I can't forgive them for doing. And during that time, I... felt... so incomplete, like I was alone and like no one cared that I was falling apart. That was one of the first times I ever felt like I didn't exist, although it was in a different way from other times... but I suppose that then, I was much more unhinged, so.
Then I guess the second worse time was when Erica just suddenly stopped talking to me and replaced me with someone exactly like me. I sort of realized I hadn't ever been anything to her in the long run, even with everything I had told her and she had told me and how I felt about her and how I knew she cared about me (she thought about me while looking at oreos, come on...) and--god, I can't even talk about it. Hahah. My hands are shaking. But I literally started falling apart again, and I felt like no one could see me and that no one cared... and I felt like I had been broken, like I didn't exist anymore. I actually questioned if I was there anymore. It completely destroyed all the happiness I had built up, and I still haven't gotten over it, even though I thought I had. Being honest, I still love her and I don't understand what happened for her to suddenly stop talking to me and move on to a less intelligent version of me. I have to say I think it's because--being totally honest--she couldn't handle that I challenged her and cut past all her bullshit. But... hahah, I got so off topic. I can't talk about her because all those feelings come rushing back... i'mhereiknowiamandiexist.
Then there was that... complete emotional meltdown I had two weeks ago, hahahah. I felt like in life I could just curl up in bed and no one would notice there was anything wrong or that I was even gone. I was just totally overwhelmed by everything and I can't even explain why now.
DEPRESSING STUFF OVER.
So yeah. Falling apart internally and being invisible. Those are the worst.
98) The best feeling in the world: ...Mm. Some of my best feelings come from being in love. Kelsey and Erica made me feel like everything in life was okay. They were just... so important, and they made me smile and laugh and care about myself a little more. When I was with both of them, I felt better about myself; I felt like I mattered and like I could actually... be pretty. Like I could be something special, you know? Especially a lot of the compliments and little things Erica would say. With Kelsey, she's more flamboyant and insecure like me, so when she said things it was more, "D'aw," but... with Erica... god. She was so emotionally retarded that whenever she said something remotely sappy, she would mean it. Like... really mean it. And she would just... say some of the sweetest things, and for those several months we were together, I was probably one of the happiest people in the whole god damn world. I felt like I could actually fly, that's how much I loved her. (Still love her, hahah...) The great feeling I get after a roller coaster or a reading can't even compare to how happy that damn girl made me.
And the stupid thing is that it... doesn't even matter to her. She couldn't care any less about me anymore. And I still don't understand why.
Shit. Stupid questionaire, making me cry. WHY AM I SUCH A SAP.
99) Who sent this to you?: No one. I stole it from the meme com.
100) Four to six people you tag: LOL too lazy. Just take it if you want.