(no subject)

[manrashi]

I was just reading Good Housekeeping, specifically an article about how to stop yourself (as a wife/mother) from nagging and how to actually get your spouse and kids to help around the house. It depressed me greatly, mostly the spouse bit. I started thinking about males in my life now and in the past and how many of them actually help around the house... or do anything at all. An old friend's dad came to mind because he would frequently make dinner and seemed to be an all-around nice guy, willing to pitch in. My father, although nice as he can be, is useless unless the task interests him or he's in danger if he doesn't do it. Lazy lazy. I thought about exboyfriends and which ones would be helpful. I've deduced that mostly they'd all do chores while we were dating because they are enamoured, but if we were married or lived together for any amount of time, they'd stop. I thought of various guy friends and which ones would be potentially helpful. I guess it kind of comes down to whether their mother made them do chores and whether or not their dad does anything, whether or not they think a guy in an adult male position (I don't really consider a 19 year old an adult, but if he's living alone with his wife/girlfriend, then close enough) doing housework is the norm. I'm not old enough to have to deal with a useless husband, or even boyfriend, but it's enough to make me hate my future spouse. I've decided that helpfulness will be a requirement of marriage when the time comes. I will not marry someone who, by inaction, will force me to do all of the cleaning and laundering and grocery shopping; it's just selfish. If he really loved me, he would recognize the effect such laziness would have on me. The idea of a marriage, not necessarily mine--any, with both spouses working and the woman doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and shopping on top of it literally makes me sick. The idea of the woman begging, bribing, withholding sex, etc to get help, and feeling like a pest for it, or being called a bitch for it makes me sicker. If a spouse stays home, then it's totally fair for them to take a great bulk of the housework. Or if they work part time or whatever.

I have a few strategies for finding someone who won't stop doing housework 4 months into marriage:

• Find a neatfreak. If they can't stand messiness, then they will clean.
• Marry a self-declared feminist. Can't go wrong there, even beyond the housework thing. Yes, I actually know a couple.
• Live with him first and see how that goes. Actually, I think this could foreshadow a lot of problems, not just potential laziness.

I think my history with a messy house and my dad's recent ability to annoy me are making me more sensitive to this than I would be.

On the whole getting-kids-to-work thing, I suddenly realized i have no idea how to instill a sense of work into my children. I totally have the values thing planned out. I know how I will teach them to love books and learning and how to be tolerant, loving, mellow people. But I have no idea how to keep them from being more or less useless. Now I'm terrified of parenthood again. I was seriously okay with future children for a while (emphasis on future). My mom sucked at it (I did nothing as a kid), so I can't copy her methods. I'm not too bad now, though, so I guess that's alright.

Oh, by the way, I'm home. :) Photos eventually.