...because I often think of you.
I never used to care about weddings, nor did I ever think about getting married. It wasn't something I worried about. Now these things have commandeered my cranium.
I picture myself in white, decorated in lace, lips painted red, gauzy veil providing glimpses of a face lit with joy and eyes shining with love.
But I am at a loss to whom that love is directed.
There is a shifting image of who that man is, and who that man could be.
I care deeply for them both, the one I've had and the one I have wanted.
I know I have the first, and will most likely never reach the second. Yet, I am unsatisfied. I want that which I cannot have, unhappy with what I've already got. The grass is greener, blah blah blah.
But I dream of him, and dreams are all I have for now. Dreams and wishes and tears and guilt.
I long to see your face beaming back at me, knowing it's love of me that lights you up from the inside. I long to cry happy tears for you, instead of these I shed for the loss of that which has never been mine.
Traitorous heart.
I picture myself in white, decorated in lace, lips painted red, gauzy veil providing glimpses of a face lit with joy and eyes shining with love.
But I am at a loss to whom that love is directed.
There is a shifting image of who that man is, and who that man could be.
I care deeply for them both, the one I've had and the one I have wanted.
I know I have the first, and will most likely never reach the second. Yet, I am unsatisfied. I want that which I cannot have, unhappy with what I've already got. The grass is greener, blah blah blah.
But I dream of him, and dreams are all I have for now. Dreams and wishes and tears and guilt.
I long to see your face beaming back at me, knowing it's love of me that lights you up from the inside. I long to cry happy tears for you, instead of these I shed for the loss of that which has never been mine.
Traitorous heart.