(no subject)
My throat was sore and my nose stuffed with mucus. I had tried to sleep but instead I wandered the house eating out a tub of ice cream and trying to catch my reflection in my parents fine china case.
I studied my outline from different perspectives in the glass. I've had developed a complex about gaining back the 30 pounds i had lost the year before. Then I looked down at my cock and thought that hair was seeming to come back in normally.
I poured a good amount of cough syrup into a plastic 7-11 big gulp container and poured in some diet cherry 7-up and some cognac. Then I looked through my father's desk drawer for a bottle of Codeine pills the doctor had given him when he had broken his ribs.
Merri had come by earlier to drop of the Albert Camus book I had lent her. She came into my room and laid The Fall on my drawing table and sat on my bed studying the walls looking for something to say.
I'd hope she'd find nothing to say. I wanted to fall asleep. I wanted the carpet to swallow me like I saw it did to Renton in Trainspotting. But warm, a soft glow that I remembered the first time I swam in the evening in Crete.
" I really liked that book Manos, do you have anything else from him?"
" Yeah, I have Rebel and The Stranger somewhere up there. I also have a book about the arguments that took place between him and Jean Paul Sartre, but you don't like politics so you wouldn't like it"
Merri began looking towards the ground so her hair would cover her right side of her face after she caught me looking at it. It was still scratched up from the party. It looked like what would happen to your knee when you took a spill as a child.
Yeah keep that political bullshit away from me, I don't know why the fuck you get so involved in it she said to me, but never looking at me. I wanted to sleep. While she was talking I wanted to ask her if we could go to sleep holding each other and wake up in 3 days smiling and all of this gone.
Merri began to say something and I cut her off asking if I could draw her face. She told me to fuck off and pouted her lips and cringed her eye brows down. She brushed her
burgundy hair behind her ears and began to look through
my collection of records lying next to the foot of my bed.
Every time I inhaled through my nose there was a thick wet rippling like a garbage bag being stuck on a flag pole set out in the rain. I used a sock to blow my nose into and I would look at how green my mucus was. How it never seemed to end.
Why would you want to draw my face any ways, what the goddamn significance of my face to you? It's cut up? What's the meaning to you? You think that's beautiful? What? She kept flipping through my records. I focused on her socks which were pink and I thought of the warmth of argyle sweaters and falling asleep.
"Yes, I find it beautiful"
" You're odd Manos. When people first get to know you they might find the oddness to be intriguing and you're somehow deep cause of it but once someone spends an afternoon with you they can just see you're fucked up"
Whateva, I looked towards the window and shut my eyes and studied the way the sun exposed the blood vessels in my eyelids. I could feel my eyes sinking to the back of my head into my brain and disappearing.
Sorry Manos, I didn't mean that, you know, I love your shit. I could hear Merri struggle with herself in her head. The sounds were loud and scattered. I said Ok to salvage the warmth underneath my eyelids where now I was a child playing jump rope with my neighbor's older daughters who used to baby sit me.
I studied my outline from different perspectives in the glass. I've had developed a complex about gaining back the 30 pounds i had lost the year before. Then I looked down at my cock and thought that hair was seeming to come back in normally.
I poured a good amount of cough syrup into a plastic 7-11 big gulp container and poured in some diet cherry 7-up and some cognac. Then I looked through my father's desk drawer for a bottle of Codeine pills the doctor had given him when he had broken his ribs.
Merri had come by earlier to drop of the Albert Camus book I had lent her. She came into my room and laid The Fall on my drawing table and sat on my bed studying the walls looking for something to say.
I'd hope she'd find nothing to say. I wanted to fall asleep. I wanted the carpet to swallow me like I saw it did to Renton in Trainspotting. But warm, a soft glow that I remembered the first time I swam in the evening in Crete.
" I really liked that book Manos, do you have anything else from him?"
" Yeah, I have Rebel and The Stranger somewhere up there. I also have a book about the arguments that took place between him and Jean Paul Sartre, but you don't like politics so you wouldn't like it"
Merri began looking towards the ground so her hair would cover her right side of her face after she caught me looking at it. It was still scratched up from the party. It looked like what would happen to your knee when you took a spill as a child.
Yeah keep that political bullshit away from me, I don't know why the fuck you get so involved in it she said to me, but never looking at me. I wanted to sleep. While she was talking I wanted to ask her if we could go to sleep holding each other and wake up in 3 days smiling and all of this gone.
Merri began to say something and I cut her off asking if I could draw her face. She told me to fuck off and pouted her lips and cringed her eye brows down. She brushed her
burgundy hair behind her ears and began to look through
my collection of records lying next to the foot of my bed.
Every time I inhaled through my nose there was a thick wet rippling like a garbage bag being stuck on a flag pole set out in the rain. I used a sock to blow my nose into and I would look at how green my mucus was. How it never seemed to end.
Why would you want to draw my face any ways, what the goddamn significance of my face to you? It's cut up? What's the meaning to you? You think that's beautiful? What? She kept flipping through my records. I focused on her socks which were pink and I thought of the warmth of argyle sweaters and falling asleep.
"Yes, I find it beautiful"
" You're odd Manos. When people first get to know you they might find the oddness to be intriguing and you're somehow deep cause of it but once someone spends an afternoon with you they can just see you're fucked up"
Whateva, I looked towards the window and shut my eyes and studied the way the sun exposed the blood vessels in my eyelids. I could feel my eyes sinking to the back of my head into my brain and disappearing.
Sorry Manos, I didn't mean that, you know, I love your shit. I could hear Merri struggle with herself in her head. The sounds were loud and scattered. I said Ok to salvage the warmth underneath my eyelids where now I was a child playing jump rope with my neighbor's older daughters who used to baby sit me.