A Heartfelt Apology
I need to make a statement. The actions as exmplified by alleged alias and user "manoliwookie" of in here stated time period of November the twenty-fourth in said year of Two Thousand Four in no way reflect the views and opinions of the actual "manoliwookie". The recent Identity Fraud of said user "manoliwookie" is scrupulously being investigating due to these recently committed acts of tomfooloery and sheer gayness.
Some descriptions of the alleged assailant have described a dark, shadowy figure that is most likely the offspring of Canadian Jews. An eyewitness to the crime, who wished to remain unnamed, described the man as a someone who is quite likely to have his way with whatever woman lies within his grasp and especially if the woman in question has a love of 100% dancing and the touching of TaLaLas. The man who is guilty of these accusations may also have an overactive crotch- as scientific analysts have found large samples of groinal-area skin at the scene of the crime and described the found traces as not only repulsive- but very very gay.
This criminal mastermind is potentially dangerous and could be coming to a suburb near you to spread his special brand of hate and crotch-rubbing. To keep you and your children safe, there are a few precautions that you should strongly consider in order to keep this nympomaniac at bay:
1) Make absolutely sure that Missy Elliot's "Pass The Dutch" is NOT playing... or that you even mutter the song's title
2) Promptly hide all available Prescription Drugs, common cold medicines, or any type of innebriant in areas of the house that are not highly visible/accesible
3) Location Location Location
4) Don't keep company with anyone directly affliated or associated with Slumlords
Again, I can never fully amend the wrongs that have been committed against all those innocent people affected by this tragedy. I also realize that some of you realize that if I felt it necessary, that I could indeed edit/remove certain entries, but runderstand, dear reader, that the consequences of these actions may ultimately lead to the unraveling of events in the universe and so on. So, instead of play with the fate of god and the delicate balance of the Cosmos, I have decided to spare you all certain death and misery.
On a lighter note, I love all you guys who I hung out with tonight, even if you did indeed fuck my mom.
Some descriptions of the alleged assailant have described a dark, shadowy figure that is most likely the offspring of Canadian Jews. An eyewitness to the crime, who wished to remain unnamed, described the man as a someone who is quite likely to have his way with whatever woman lies within his grasp and especially if the woman in question has a love of 100% dancing and the touching of TaLaLas. The man who is guilty of these accusations may also have an overactive crotch- as scientific analysts have found large samples of groinal-area skin at the scene of the crime and described the found traces as not only repulsive- but very very gay.
This criminal mastermind is potentially dangerous and could be coming to a suburb near you to spread his special brand of hate and crotch-rubbing. To keep you and your children safe, there are a few precautions that you should strongly consider in order to keep this nympomaniac at bay:
1) Make absolutely sure that Missy Elliot's "Pass The Dutch" is NOT playing... or that you even mutter the song's title
2) Promptly hide all available Prescription Drugs, common cold medicines, or any type of innebriant in areas of the house that are not highly visible/accesible
3) Location Location Location
4) Don't keep company with anyone directly affliated or associated with Slumlords
Again, I can never fully amend the wrongs that have been committed against all those innocent people affected by this tragedy. I also realize that some of you realize that if I felt it necessary, that I could indeed edit/remove certain entries, but runderstand, dear reader, that the consequences of these actions may ultimately lead to the unraveling of events in the universe and so on. So, instead of play with the fate of god and the delicate balance of the Cosmos, I have decided to spare you all certain death and misery.
On a lighter note, I love all you guys who I hung out with tonight, even if you did indeed fuck my mom.