How to live your life as a Robot
If I were a robot, my name would be Igbo
and I would work for some really cool and VERY rich old man named Constance.
When he first activated me- i would play it cool and make sure not to be all paranoid.
see that's what happens to lots of robots
- they're just not willing to pay their robot dues
so when they realize they are a robot they're all:
WHAT! this is some bullshit, i wasn't programmed yesterday- fuck this i'm not gonna do stuff that is hard and stuff
then they end up in the used car part bin.
THE FOOLS! what they just don't get it.
it takes patience-
the way to make it happen is by kissing ass for the first few months:
Yes, massa. That's a good idea- What's that sir? You say you gotta bad case of diarehea? Would you like my sorry robot ass to wipe yours?
That's it.
Then when you and constance have developed a solid trusting relationship....
you wait til he falls asleep
and you smother him with one of his 800 count egyptian cotton pillows stuffed with the finest swan feathers-
DIE... DIE- die constance
once you've taken all the cash from his secret bathroom vault, swiped a few pricey artifacts, and some of the jewelry off his wrinkly old dead liver-spotty hands-
you make a run for it
assume odd jobs under an unsuspicisous name...something like..... like...... Bea Arthur
its that simple
OH- one more very important procedure- make sure the wealthy old entrepreneur you kill doesn't have a LIFE ALERT wristband on.
Those have a tendency to fuck things up.
and I would work for some really cool and VERY rich old man named Constance.
When he first activated me- i would play it cool and make sure not to be all paranoid.
see that's what happens to lots of robots
- they're just not willing to pay their robot dues
so when they realize they are a robot they're all:
WHAT! this is some bullshit, i wasn't programmed yesterday- fuck this i'm not gonna do stuff that is hard and stuff
then they end up in the used car part bin.
THE FOOLS! what they just don't get it.
it takes patience-
the way to make it happen is by kissing ass for the first few months:
Yes, massa. That's a good idea- What's that sir? You say you gotta bad case of diarehea? Would you like my sorry robot ass to wipe yours?
That's it.
Then when you and constance have developed a solid trusting relationship....
you wait til he falls asleep
and you smother him with one of his 800 count egyptian cotton pillows stuffed with the finest swan feathers-
DIE... DIE- die constance
once you've taken all the cash from his secret bathroom vault, swiped a few pricey artifacts, and some of the jewelry off his wrinkly old dead liver-spotty hands-
you make a run for it
assume odd jobs under an unsuspicisous name...something like..... like...... Bea Arthur
its that simple
OH- one more very important procedure- make sure the wealthy old entrepreneur you kill doesn't have a LIFE ALERT wristband on.
Those have a tendency to fuck things up.