Case 195
Is it possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone?
Because, honestly? I feel like that. All the goddamn time.
...I miss Jethro. I miss Worth and Lamont and Conrad...I miss my crappy job and my terrifying landlady...
I've been here for over a year. I'm homesick, and I'm sick and tired of making friends here only for them to leave, or then leave and come back without their memories. I'm tired of losing people or being afraid of losing people. I'm tired of feeling alone even when I'm not.
I'm tired of living in an apartment meant for a whole bunch of people. I hate coming home every day to a big, empty, quite house. When I first got here, it was filled with people.
It's just me now.
Sometimes, I wish I'd never decided to move in with Watanuki. At least living in a box, I knew for a fact I was alone. It's really the uncertainty that kills me, you know...? Oh, wait, no you don't.
I miss what Euphie and I had. It didn't last long, but...well, it was good while it lasted. Now it just hurts.
So, yeah, I guess I'm lonely. I've been lonely for a long time. You get used to being alone, and then you get surrounded by people again...the fear of losing it all is almost worse. Wait, no, that's wrong. It's not fear. It's knowing that inevitably, it all ends, and you're just alone again. Alone but even worse off. Because you had a taste of happiness and now it's gone...
...I need a drink. Or five.
Because, honestly? I feel like that. All the goddamn time.
...I miss Jethro. I miss Worth and Lamont and Conrad...I miss my crappy job and my terrifying landlady...
I've been here for over a year. I'm homesick, and I'm sick and tired of making friends here only for them to leave, or then leave and come back without their memories. I'm tired of losing people or being afraid of losing people. I'm tired of feeling alone even when I'm not.
I'm tired of living in an apartment meant for a whole bunch of people. I hate coming home every day to a big, empty, quite house. When I first got here, it was filled with people.
It's just me now.
Sometimes, I wish I'd never decided to move in with Watanuki. At least living in a box, I knew for a fact I was alone. It's really the uncertainty that kills me, you know...? Oh, wait, no you don't.
I miss what Euphie and I had. It didn't last long, but...well, it was good while it lasted. Now it just hurts.
So, yeah, I guess I'm lonely. I've been lonely for a long time. You get used to being alone, and then you get surrounded by people again...the fear of losing it all is almost worse. Wait, no, that's wrong. It's not fear. It's knowing that inevitably, it all ends, and you're just alone again. Alone but even worse off. Because you had a taste of happiness and now it's gone...
...I need a drink. Or five.