"Um, I'm gonna be on American Idol? It's the biggest show on TV! ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
I would like to open this entry with this amazing Hollywood Week story from Season 7 finalist Carly Smithson: "Because there was a shot of me in the ads for the new season, I'd been warned to come in disguise, to put on a baseball hat and cardigan. Well, my flight stopped in Vegas where I became very hot, so without thinking I took the cap and sweater off, but tried to keep my head down because I was terrified that someone would recognize me. When I got on the plane, I was walking through first class and looked down at a man and saw John Mayer. At that moment, he looked at me and his eyes lit up and he yelled out to the whole plane, 'Hey that's the girl who's going to be on American Idol!' I tried to shush him and raced back to my seat. I was petrified that I was going to be disqualified. At the baggage claim, he sent his people over to ask if it was really me. When I got to the theater though and confessed it all to the producers, they laughed and said it was the funniest thing they'd ever heard."
I would give anything to be a person on that plane when JOHN FUCKING MAYER fangirled about a girl who was not even yet a semi-finalist on "American Idol."
“Imagine you’re an American Idol contestant.”
I already do that every day, Ryan.
“Imagine leaving your job, your family and your home?”
Do I dare to dream that big?
Cutie Katelyn Epperly is still here! Haven’t heard from her in forever.
I love the part where the judges decide who to cut. I dream of doing that shit, for real. I really enjoy judging people. That’s why I want to go into casting. I’m so good at being critical and bitchy.
Casey James, Todrick Hall, Tyler Grady and Andrew Garcia are in the same room. We know who’s going through here.
Angela Martin is great. I hope she makes it!
Janell Wheeler is so pretty. I wish I could tell the difference between her and Didi Benami. I think I like Janell more, but I really can never remember which one is which. Janell sang “American Boy” last week; Didi sang “Terrified.” Didi is the one with the dead best friend. This is all I have to go with, people.
Jermaine Purifoy: “Why people don’t like Brick House?” I love him so much based on this statement alone. His personality is awesome.
I am building up some hatred for Casey James. He’s so…unwashed. He reminds me of Jason Castro.
I hope Jermaine Sellers gets kicked off because I don’t want to bother having to tell the difference between him and Purifoy and I’m pretty sure I like Purifoy more. Let’s go to the tape. Yup!
Siobhan! This girl dresses like Cyndi Lauper and Bruce Springsteen and is a Fanson. And she’s a glassblowing apprentice. For real though? Too bad she’s not that good. Oh, take it back, listen to her crazy high notes! Potential!
Crystal Bowersox. I get that this is a singing competition and this girl can SANG and is sort of like a female Bob Dylan with the instruments, but I have to close my eyes when I look at her because she is such a swamp creature.
Alex Lambert is playing the UKELELE. He looks like Kyle Riabko. One trick pony like whoa. I love that he always wears Ray Bans, even indoors. It’s like he is in his own private production of Less Than Zero at all times.
I thought I loved Todrick but I don’t think anyone loves him as much as Kara does. She was basically climaxing in her chair. It wasn’t THAT good, girl. Keep it in your pants!
Good God, Thaddeus’ mom is so annoying that I hope he doesn’t make it through for that reason alone.
Mary Powers is so awful on every level. And I have to ask the question that the entire blogosphere is asking: doesn’t she know that she is competing for votes, meaning people have to LIKE her?
Lloyd Thomas. These people are still here?
Poor Hope is pretty. Pretty underwhelming. I want her to get through so I can continue to call her “Poor Hope” though. It’s catchy, don’t you think?
Facial Paralysis Shelby is still on?? Oh, this is emotional. She looks like a pretty version of Jennifer Carpenter.
Aaron Kelly reminds me of Josiah Leming.
God, Tori Kelly is annoying.
I want to make sweet, sweet love to Andrew Garcia’s song choices.
HAHA SUCK ON IT, MARY POWERS.
Man, you really have to take this long walk in and out of the theatre after hearing your fate? This is torture!
Alright, * means Top 24 contestant:
*Michael Lynche - He does not seem to love Seacrest as much as Seacrest loves him. I don’t care for that. Also, I find him totally annoying with his whiny voice and his wife’s cervix.
*Didi Benami - Oh my God, she is so the female Danny Gokey with the dead best friend. Stop speaking for the dead. You’re not honoring her memory by becoming famous. That makes NO sense. Grieve like a normal person. She also looks like Brooke White. “I’m in shock right now. Um, I’m gonna be on American Idol?” Okay, that was cute.
*Katelyn Epperley - Who cares that your parents are getting divorced? Seriously, is this 1957? Shut up. I don’t care about you and your stupid fake problems.
Shelby Dressel - I genuinely believe this girl should be really proud of making it this far. A for effort, bb. You’re a brave soul.
*Casey James - This is the worst male eye candy we’ve ever had. I guess it’s all downhill after Kris Allen.
*Aaron Kelly - I feel like he’s supposed to remind me of my talented friend from high school. But my friend is better. I hope he tries out next year.
*Lee Dewyze - Did he just tell HIMSELF that he did his thing? STFU, Lee. Stop telling the judges to shut up now! I am over you and your chin beard. Okay, the self-aware babbling is winning me over.
*Todrick Hall - “Are your parents gonna be happy to meet me? Do they know I’m black?” Do they know you’re GAY, Todrick? You’re a dancer! I was so nervous that they weren’t going to put him through. I LOVE HIM. He’s such a fierce bitch.
Jessica Furney - She really looks like Anna Paquin, pre-Sookie make-over. I don’t believe this girl is serious. She can’t even think of anything to say but “I HAVE IT. You have NO idea.” I’m not buying it. But I wonder if anyone ever gets kicked off this show and then kills herself.
17 more to go!
Predictions:
Katie Stevens
Crystal Bowersox
Tyler Grady
Lilly Scott
Angela Martin
Ashley Rodriguez
Andrew Garcia
John Park
Hopes:
Jareb Liewer
Siobhan Magnus
Jermaine Purifoy
Janell Wheeler
Theri (is she still on?)
I would give anything to be a person on that plane when JOHN FUCKING MAYER fangirled about a girl who was not even yet a semi-finalist on "American Idol."
“Imagine you’re an American Idol contestant.”
I already do that every day, Ryan.
“Imagine leaving your job, your family and your home?”
Do I dare to dream that big?
Cutie Katelyn Epperly is still here! Haven’t heard from her in forever.
I love the part where the judges decide who to cut. I dream of doing that shit, for real. I really enjoy judging people. That’s why I want to go into casting. I’m so good at being critical and bitchy.
Casey James, Todrick Hall, Tyler Grady and Andrew Garcia are in the same room. We know who’s going through here.
Angela Martin is great. I hope she makes it!
Janell Wheeler is so pretty. I wish I could tell the difference between her and Didi Benami. I think I like Janell more, but I really can never remember which one is which. Janell sang “American Boy” last week; Didi sang “Terrified.” Didi is the one with the dead best friend. This is all I have to go with, people.
Jermaine Purifoy: “Why people don’t like Brick House?” I love him so much based on this statement alone. His personality is awesome.
I am building up some hatred for Casey James. He’s so…unwashed. He reminds me of Jason Castro.
I hope Jermaine Sellers gets kicked off because I don’t want to bother having to tell the difference between him and Purifoy and I’m pretty sure I like Purifoy more. Let’s go to the tape. Yup!
Siobhan! This girl dresses like Cyndi Lauper and Bruce Springsteen and is a Fanson. And she’s a glassblowing apprentice. For real though? Too bad she’s not that good. Oh, take it back, listen to her crazy high notes! Potential!
Crystal Bowersox. I get that this is a singing competition and this girl can SANG and is sort of like a female Bob Dylan with the instruments, but I have to close my eyes when I look at her because she is such a swamp creature.
Alex Lambert is playing the UKELELE. He looks like Kyle Riabko. One trick pony like whoa. I love that he always wears Ray Bans, even indoors. It’s like he is in his own private production of Less Than Zero at all times.
I thought I loved Todrick but I don’t think anyone loves him as much as Kara does. She was basically climaxing in her chair. It wasn’t THAT good, girl. Keep it in your pants!
Good God, Thaddeus’ mom is so annoying that I hope he doesn’t make it through for that reason alone.
Mary Powers is so awful on every level. And I have to ask the question that the entire blogosphere is asking: doesn’t she know that she is competing for votes, meaning people have to LIKE her?
Lloyd Thomas. These people are still here?
Poor Hope is pretty. Pretty underwhelming. I want her to get through so I can continue to call her “Poor Hope” though. It’s catchy, don’t you think?
Facial Paralysis Shelby is still on?? Oh, this is emotional. She looks like a pretty version of Jennifer Carpenter.
Aaron Kelly reminds me of Josiah Leming.
God, Tori Kelly is annoying.
I want to make sweet, sweet love to Andrew Garcia’s song choices.
HAHA SUCK ON IT, MARY POWERS.
Man, you really have to take this long walk in and out of the theatre after hearing your fate? This is torture!
Alright, * means Top 24 contestant:
*Michael Lynche - He does not seem to love Seacrest as much as Seacrest loves him. I don’t care for that. Also, I find him totally annoying with his whiny voice and his wife’s cervix.
*Didi Benami - Oh my God, she is so the female Danny Gokey with the dead best friend. Stop speaking for the dead. You’re not honoring her memory by becoming famous. That makes NO sense. Grieve like a normal person. She also looks like Brooke White. “I’m in shock right now. Um, I’m gonna be on American Idol?” Okay, that was cute.
*Katelyn Epperley - Who cares that your parents are getting divorced? Seriously, is this 1957? Shut up. I don’t care about you and your stupid fake problems.
Shelby Dressel - I genuinely believe this girl should be really proud of making it this far. A for effort, bb. You’re a brave soul.
*Casey James - This is the worst male eye candy we’ve ever had. I guess it’s all downhill after Kris Allen.
*Aaron Kelly - I feel like he’s supposed to remind me of my talented friend from high school. But my friend is better. I hope he tries out next year.
*Lee Dewyze - Did he just tell HIMSELF that he did his thing? STFU, Lee. Stop telling the judges to shut up now! I am over you and your chin beard. Okay, the self-aware babbling is winning me over.
*Todrick Hall - “Are your parents gonna be happy to meet me? Do they know I’m black?” Do they know you’re GAY, Todrick? You’re a dancer! I was so nervous that they weren’t going to put him through. I LOVE HIM. He’s such a fierce bitch.
Jessica Furney - She really looks like Anna Paquin, pre-Sookie make-over. I don’t believe this girl is serious. She can’t even think of anything to say but “I HAVE IT. You have NO idea.” I’m not buying it. But I wonder if anyone ever gets kicked off this show and then kills herself.
17 more to go!
Predictions:
Katie Stevens
Crystal Bowersox
Tyler Grady
Lilly Scott
Angela Martin
Ashley Rodriguez
Andrew Garcia
John Park
Hopes:
Jareb Liewer
Siobhan Magnus
Jermaine Purifoy
Janell Wheeler
Theri (is she still on?)