Dear Congressman Tripp Vanderbilt:
Here are some issues I would like you to address. In no particular order:
1. The MTA. It is problematic and unreliable. There has to be a better way to get around. My #1 choice is teleportation. Until that time, you need more security guards to police the behavior of schizophrenic homeless people, protect people who fall onto the train tracks, and stop people from grabbing or shoving strangers just so they can make their train. It's not just rude; it's dangerous. Also, if we have to have people sleeping in the metro stations, can they at least be required to wear shoes?
2. Lincoln Plaza Cinemas. Maybe you can get the Gestapo who work at this theatre to work at in the subways. It's cash-only at the box office. Ew. Also, when I asked to enter the theatre to use the bathroom, I was sent to a bathroom that was farther away from my theatre and where I was standing...JUST so I wouldn't sneak into a different movie. So what if I was actually going to sneak into that movie? I already paid to see a movie. And I know they don't really sell out. So I returned my tickets. Now I will have to go see art movies at the preferable downtown movie theatres.
3. Union Square Regal Cinema. THERE WAS A GAY BASHING HERE. IN 2008. IN UNION SQUARE. Also, they have a problem with vermin. Congressman, you must do something about this.
4. Also, gay marriage. We need it, seeing as this is the second or third gayest city in the country.
5. Please crack down on people who sell fake concert tickets on craigslist. There should be a way to police this? A serial code or something. Send these assholes to jail. Some people still need to make an honest living and just want to see Rob Thomas.
6. New York is famous for being one of the most picturesque holiday locations. So how come Starbucks no longer sells the delicious and surprising salted hot chocolate or even the simple peppermint hot chocolate? Somehow they are still selling the eggnog latte which tastes like hot vomit. Have you tasted it, Tripp? (Do you mind if I call you Tripp?) I've only had it once in my life (and I've never heard of anyone else trying it), but the memory of when I did imbibe this noxious so-called holiday beverage is burned into my sense memory forever. On that fateful night, I was so repulsed by its vomitrocious flavor that I actually spit it out onto a subway grate which then corroded right in front of my hazel eyes. The crowd dispersed at the stench and looked upon me with disgust. WHAT GIVES, SBUX? You should be called "StarSUCKS." Boycott.
7. This one might be a little above your paygrade, but how come banks are allowed to charge fees if you do not maintain a certain amount of money in your account? Isn't that nonsense that favors the upper class and punishes the middle and lower classes? Now, I know you are of the upper class yourself, Senator, but I believe you are a Democrat, so please have a bleeding heart and do something about this.
8. Please rally the troops and get people to vote for the Adam Lambert/Kris Allen/Allison Iraheta concert to come to New York. It is a "neutral city" (not any one of the three's hometowns), a city that did NOT get an Idol concert (while Long Island and New Jersey did), and it's close to other areas like Boston and Philadelphia. MAKE IT HAPPEN PLEASE.
Or I swear, I'm moving.
You know you love me.
xoxo,
Gossip Girl
P.S. Rumor has it a former Bob Gaudio from Jersey Boys and Kevin Zegers will be joining your gang. How do you feel about having another musical theatre alumnus? Might there be some singing? And is your cousin Nate Archibald threatened by yet another Zac Efron lookalike? The public wants to know.
1. The MTA. It is problematic and unreliable. There has to be a better way to get around. My #1 choice is teleportation. Until that time, you need more security guards to police the behavior of schizophrenic homeless people, protect people who fall onto the train tracks, and stop people from grabbing or shoving strangers just so they can make their train. It's not just rude; it's dangerous. Also, if we have to have people sleeping in the metro stations, can they at least be required to wear shoes?
2. Lincoln Plaza Cinemas. Maybe you can get the Gestapo who work at this theatre to work at in the subways. It's cash-only at the box office. Ew. Also, when I asked to enter the theatre to use the bathroom, I was sent to a bathroom that was farther away from my theatre and where I was standing...JUST so I wouldn't sneak into a different movie. So what if I was actually going to sneak into that movie? I already paid to see a movie. And I know they don't really sell out. So I returned my tickets. Now I will have to go see art movies at the preferable downtown movie theatres.
3. Union Square Regal Cinema. THERE WAS A GAY BASHING HERE. IN 2008. IN UNION SQUARE. Also, they have a problem with vermin. Congressman, you must do something about this.
4. Also, gay marriage. We need it, seeing as this is the second or third gayest city in the country.
5. Please crack down on people who sell fake concert tickets on craigslist. There should be a way to police this? A serial code or something. Send these assholes to jail. Some people still need to make an honest living and just want to see Rob Thomas.
6. New York is famous for being one of the most picturesque holiday locations. So how come Starbucks no longer sells the delicious and surprising salted hot chocolate or even the simple peppermint hot chocolate? Somehow they are still selling the eggnog latte which tastes like hot vomit. Have you tasted it, Tripp? (Do you mind if I call you Tripp?) I've only had it once in my life (and I've never heard of anyone else trying it), but the memory of when I did imbibe this noxious so-called holiday beverage is burned into my sense memory forever. On that fateful night, I was so repulsed by its vomitrocious flavor that I actually spit it out onto a subway grate which then corroded right in front of my hazel eyes. The crowd dispersed at the stench and looked upon me with disgust. WHAT GIVES, SBUX? You should be called "StarSUCKS." Boycott.
7. This one might be a little above your paygrade, but how come banks are allowed to charge fees if you do not maintain a certain amount of money in your account? Isn't that nonsense that favors the upper class and punishes the middle and lower classes? Now, I know you are of the upper class yourself, Senator, but I believe you are a Democrat, so please have a bleeding heart and do something about this.
8. Please rally the troops and get people to vote for the Adam Lambert/Kris Allen/Allison Iraheta concert to come to New York. It is a "neutral city" (not any one of the three's hometowns), a city that did NOT get an Idol concert (while Long Island and New Jersey did), and it's close to other areas like Boston and Philadelphia. MAKE IT HAPPEN PLEASE.
Or I swear, I'm moving.
You know you love me.
xoxo,
Gossip Girl
P.S. Rumor has it a former Bob Gaudio from Jersey Boys and Kevin Zegers will be joining your gang. How do you feel about having another musical theatre alumnus? Might there be some singing? And is your cousin Nate Archibald threatened by yet another Zac Efron lookalike? The public wants to know.