Vriska's New8ie Guide to Sacrosanct (WIP?)

Oct 02, 2011 13:14



So you've just been hauled through an interdimensional 8ullshit rift. You are tired and sore and confused! And presuma8ly you have questions. SOME people might tell you to fuck off, 8ecause you should have listened to the tour! 8ut those people clearly didn't arrive while the tour was DISA8LED DUE TO FUCKING HOLOGRAM MONSTER 8ULLSHIT.

Some of us did. We understand! And we are here to help. ::::)

Where am I? Where are my friends/genetic relatives/pet woof8easts/pants?

Cool your jets, new8ie! 8reathe. Try not to rupture one of your fear8ladders.
8asically, you have 8een 8rought to a space st8tion known as Sacrosanct. Anything or any8ody who didn't get sucked through the rift with you? Still 8ack home, wherever your home may 8e!

How do I get home?

You don't! Generally. For long. It's complic8ted.

8ut I was in the middle of something important!

Tough shit! Lots of people here were. The sooner you suck it up and deal with the fact that you are stuck here, the 8etter!
It 8n't like it matters anyway. God. Time doesn't pass 8ack home while you are here! So if you are "lucky" (lol) enough to 8e sent home at some point, nothing will have happened. No8ody will have noticed that you were gone! Not even YOU.
I am not going to lie to you, new8ie. It is pretty lame.

Sounds gr8! So how do I arrange to 8e sent home?

Give. It. Up!!!!!!!!
It seems to happen entirely 8y chance. And people usually come 8ack anyway. No8ody knows what happens to the people that don't! Hypatia (the glowy 8oss lady from the tour) might have just deleted them. She's lame like that.
When people DO get sent home, it is through the transportalisers. Or teleporters or whatever the fuck you want to call them.

I can't take this any more! I refuse to live like this! Good8ye, cruel world!!!!!!!!

Good luck with that! If you die here, you are resurrected from the st8 you were in the last time you entered a transportaliser. You won't remem8er your death, 8ut you might 8e missing a few hours/days/weeks! Think of it as loading a save game in a really shitty RPG.
So yeah. No permadeath. Can't a8scond, 8ro!

Oh. Then I 8etter hoist up my shameglo8es and resign myself to 8eing here a while! Any tips?

Yes. Get a jo8, you fucking dead8eat loser!!!!!!!! Until you have at least one work credit, you can't do shit around here. You have to live in the 8arracks, which sucks, and you can't even enter any of the stores and it's pretty much the worst thing ever. If you are organic, I recommend going and don8ting a 8ag of 8lood at one of the donor 8anks! Perhaps even don8 two, then transfer one of your credits to me as an awesome thank you gift for writing this guide! :::;D
Credits don't expire or get spent up or whatever. So once you have one? You're independent forever! Isn't that cooooooool?

Ok. I am totally getting the hang of this now! 8ut what a8out the people? Is there any8ody that I should avoid?

Striders. 8888)
Ok, no, seriously. Here are some of the major factions!

Trolls:
More of a race than a faction, 8ut who cares! Most easily recognised 8y our typing quirks if using text, or our grey skin and orange horns if using video. Not to 8e confused with the humans who use typing quirks! Although some of them are pretty ok. And they hang out with us, anyway, so........
Fuck it, I'll just include them here too. ::::\
If you are speaking to some8ody who is typing in 8lue or orange, you're generally ok. Most of the others are assholes and liars and douche8ags! FACT.

Armored Spacedouches aka Spartans aka Freedancers (or something, fuck if I know):
They wear the weakslimiest, dum8est-looking space armor I have ever seen. Seriously. You will know these guys if you see them. Just. Oh my god.
Possi8ly 8est avoided if you are not a human! They can 8e incredi8ly space racist. Even if some of them are pretty cool, I guess? Whatever.

Normandy Guys aka Commander Shepard's League of Shooting Things:
I don't actually know what their deal is, 8ut I think they are some kind of clu8 that was esta8lished for purposes of 8adassery? Also some of them make out with 8andits after 8lowing things up. It's pretty sweet.

Those Assholes With The Glowy Lines And Stuff:
Man, they sure are, like. Glowy. And shit.
Well. Except the ones that don't glow. Like that one guy who looks startlingly like Troll Jeff 8ridges, if Troll Jeff 8ridges were in fact an Earth human!
(Seriously. It's fucking uncanny. Check that shit out.)

Fucking AIs:
While I would neeeeeeeever advoc8 murdering them on sight (may8e), these assholes cause all the trou8le! All of it. If an AI offers you help/ro8otic enhancement/candy/ANYTHING EVER, punch them and/or run like fuck.

Cy8ertrains:
Ro8ots that are ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL oh man. Except the ones that aren't cool. And also some of them are kind of human and not ro8oty any more? Uh.

Every8ody else:
Mostly harmless.

singularity, ic

Previous post Next post
Up