[IC Fic #002 || seriously what am I doing]
Author's note: I wrote this for my GR8EST H8FRIEND Eridan! I hope you like it, Eridouche! Really. :::;D
8luh 8luh not 8ased on real people 8luh 8luh totally fictional 8LUH. Featuring AWESOME cool ironic art 8y Dave! The orange one.
Our awesome tale begins with a young troll named Harry Hipster ((A/N: Hey Red Dave, I totally stole your weird Earth human culture reference as inspir8tion. U mad? :::;P)). Harry was a seadweller which sucked for him because seadwellers are LAME, but he also had a secret! He was sitting in his hive being a stupid lame douche when there was a knock at the door. He opened it and there stood a really angry troll holding a stick!
"HEY, FUCKASS," the angry troll screamed shoutily. "I'M KARGRID. YOU'RE A FUCKING FUCKWIZARD OF FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCK BLUH FUCK. HERE'S YOUR SCIENCE WAND, LOSER. FUCK."
"Wwow. So wwhat you're sayin' is that I'm some kind a wwizard wwho can use the wwhite science shootin' from my wwand to impress all a the guys an' girls an' make 'em wwant to fill pails wwith me," Harry expositioned as he grabbed the stick from Kargrid and pretty much tried to make out with it because he was just that excited about being a stupid fucking wizard. "And that maybe there's some kind a prophecy about me or somethin', I don't knoww."
"SURE, WHY THE FUCK NOT," fuckscreamed Kargrid. "HARRY - HARRYDAN, TO USE YOUR TRUE WIZARD NAME. YOU ARE THE FUCKING CHOSEN ONE. YOU ARE... THE BOY WHO LOVED."
"Fuckin' swweet," said Harrydan and he shot his wand at Kargrid who died angrily and sciencily.
So Harrydan Hipster, The Boy Who Loved, went out and started showing people his wand. Unfortunately, most people were entiiiiiiiirely unimpressed and just laughed at it. ((A/N: Lol!)) So Harrydan killed them and vanquished all his foes and shit, and somehow ended up with a full set of quadrants because some people are JUST THAT DESPERATE (naming no names!).
"Life is fuckin' awwesome," Harrydan sighed contentedly.
"Yeth," said Harrydan's kismesis, a really shitty ugly dumbfuck loser magical elf thing named Th'Oll-uks. "Yeth it ith. Although I gueth I could be thaying thith jutht becauthe I have no thtandardth, ethpecially when it cometh to romanthe and, like, telling people how they thould behave to their moirailth. Jutht to pick a totally random example and thtuff. Lithp lithp."
Harrydan was just about to tell Th'Oll-uks to shut the fuck up when suddenly there was a knock at the door again. Except THIS time the person didn't wait to be answered, she just fucking chainsawed that piece-of-shit door in two (also Th'Oll-uks was in the way and got cut in half too. Bifurcated and bisected, haha!).
"Hello Vile Science Wizard," said the stranger who was awesome and like. Glowing and stuff. "My Name Is Kandemort And I Suppose I Also Would Be Inclined To Answer To 'She Who Must Not Be Lamed'. Because That Is What People Call Me Sometimes As I Am Really Good At Killing Lamey Lame Weakslime Dipshits. Verbosely."
"Oh fuckin' fuckshit I am so royally fucked noww," said Harrydan, cowering and snivelling on the floor like a stupid weak dumb shitty asshole.
"Yes That Is An Adequate Assessment Of This Situation," badassed Kandemort and she sawed Harrydan in half and everybody lived happily ever after! Except the ones that died.
The end!