2011
hey there online journal! its been a while.
well .. hmm i dont even remember what my last post was about or when it was!! but basically, architecture isnt happening anymore .. sometimes i think university just isnt for me. i seem to fail at it time and time again. i passed first year but got crippling homesickness and so lonely this year that i got depressed. which obviously impacted on my studies.
i met Ben around christmas and he has definatly brightened everything up but by then first semester was over and it had gone horribly, there really was no way to pull it back then. so bleh, fees go up next year so im applying again for september and hopefully i get into a course here.
at this point i just want a degree, i dont even care what its in anymore i just want the letters after my name and to get a job and live. i hate university, i dont have the uni experience. i never really have had it and ive been at uni for three years now.
My amazing boyfriend has made things fantastic, i honestly didnt think i could love someone as much as i love him :) i didnt think i was capable of it. i really really thought i was jaded and couldnt feel healthy good feelings for someone. Being with him makes me feel like a better person.. yeah im actually coming out with all the soppy stuff i thought id never say. ever.
hes like my best friend aswell as my boyfriend, its so easy to tell him i love him, its healthy and normal and i love being with him, even if we just laze about all day or go on adventure drives and the likes!
were going on holiday next week, i cant wait! just the two of us, ive never been on a boyfriend/girlfriend holiday before and im looking forward to it big style!! well obviously ive never been on a holiday like it seeing as how my longest *relationship* before this was like three weeks!! or if you count the really disfunctional experience with damon .. well i think that lasted a few years but it doesnt count cause it wasnt a relationship and was unhealthy!!
Bens a few years older than me and has had some long relationships, in fact he was only single for a few weeks when we met .. he just got out of a 5 year (i think) thing. which was a bit daunting at the start i thought i was rebound girl *again* but weve ended up being fantastic together :)!
i really do love him, i miss him so bad when i dont get to see him for a while, even a short while! example - we spent the weekend together at his place (he lives with his parents cause he hadda sell up his share of his place when his last relationship ended) but within an hour of him leaving me home i was really missing him and sleeping without him beside last night was horrible :(
but yeah so he is amazing, even if i cant take him home for reasons that my paranoid mother wont let me talk about on the phone hehe.
speaking of home, i havnt been in derry since april and im def missing it, ive booked flights home for a week at the end of the month but god knows if i even have any friends to go home to. theyve kinda abandoned me a bit lately and to be fair i dont blame them!
all i talk about is Ben and they dont have other halves so obviously dont want to hear toooo much about my loved up ness.. even though i listened to all their boy/girl troubles for years while i was jaded.
ive had three emails and a phone call (to inform me they were all going on holiday and i wasnt invited) in the past few weeks. i dont blame them, i dont want to be in derry for the rest of my life and they do so we were all bound to grow apart at some point.
i moved away and therefore have been relegated to the outer circle of our group of friends, which may i add sinead and i formed... clare informed me when ben and i were in gweedore that i was no longer in the inner circle and more of an a sometimes friend.
oh well i cant complain can i? i have a fantastic boyfriend and it was my decision after all to move to essex and love it. Whatever, lie i said we were all bound to grow apart. ill visit derry but they never want to leave.
eugh
anyways thinking about it has put me in sufficently bad enough form that im going to finish this post.
byebyepost.
well .. hmm i dont even remember what my last post was about or when it was!! but basically, architecture isnt happening anymore .. sometimes i think university just isnt for me. i seem to fail at it time and time again. i passed first year but got crippling homesickness and so lonely this year that i got depressed. which obviously impacted on my studies.
i met Ben around christmas and he has definatly brightened everything up but by then first semester was over and it had gone horribly, there really was no way to pull it back then. so bleh, fees go up next year so im applying again for september and hopefully i get into a course here.
at this point i just want a degree, i dont even care what its in anymore i just want the letters after my name and to get a job and live. i hate university, i dont have the uni experience. i never really have had it and ive been at uni for three years now.
My amazing boyfriend has made things fantastic, i honestly didnt think i could love someone as much as i love him :) i didnt think i was capable of it. i really really thought i was jaded and couldnt feel healthy good feelings for someone. Being with him makes me feel like a better person.. yeah im actually coming out with all the soppy stuff i thought id never say. ever.
hes like my best friend aswell as my boyfriend, its so easy to tell him i love him, its healthy and normal and i love being with him, even if we just laze about all day or go on adventure drives and the likes!
were going on holiday next week, i cant wait! just the two of us, ive never been on a boyfriend/girlfriend holiday before and im looking forward to it big style!! well obviously ive never been on a holiday like it seeing as how my longest *relationship* before this was like three weeks!! or if you count the really disfunctional experience with damon .. well i think that lasted a few years but it doesnt count cause it wasnt a relationship and was unhealthy!!
Bens a few years older than me and has had some long relationships, in fact he was only single for a few weeks when we met .. he just got out of a 5 year (i think) thing. which was a bit daunting at the start i thought i was rebound girl *again* but weve ended up being fantastic together :)!
i really do love him, i miss him so bad when i dont get to see him for a while, even a short while! example - we spent the weekend together at his place (he lives with his parents cause he hadda sell up his share of his place when his last relationship ended) but within an hour of him leaving me home i was really missing him and sleeping without him beside last night was horrible :(
but yeah so he is amazing, even if i cant take him home for reasons that my paranoid mother wont let me talk about on the phone hehe.
speaking of home, i havnt been in derry since april and im def missing it, ive booked flights home for a week at the end of the month but god knows if i even have any friends to go home to. theyve kinda abandoned me a bit lately and to be fair i dont blame them!
all i talk about is Ben and they dont have other halves so obviously dont want to hear toooo much about my loved up ness.. even though i listened to all their boy/girl troubles for years while i was jaded.
ive had three emails and a phone call (to inform me they were all going on holiday and i wasnt invited) in the past few weeks. i dont blame them, i dont want to be in derry for the rest of my life and they do so we were all bound to grow apart at some point.
i moved away and therefore have been relegated to the outer circle of our group of friends, which may i add sinead and i formed... clare informed me when ben and i were in gweedore that i was no longer in the inner circle and more of an a sometimes friend.
oh well i cant complain can i? i have a fantastic boyfriend and it was my decision after all to move to essex and love it. Whatever, lie i said we were all bound to grow apart. ill visit derry but they never want to leave.
eugh
anyways thinking about it has put me in sufficently bad enough form that im going to finish this post.
byebyepost.