we cant both have her
Catherine. I miss her more than ever. I'm at a standstill in this hopelessness. It would seem so.
I constantly have to sedate myself. I want to run to her house. Call her number. Comment on her journal. TALK TALK TALK. It's always words with me. I want to understand what she knows and who now she is.
The sad part of this is that I know it's not a good idea. That's why I stop myself. Because I know the end result.
She was my dream. My soul mate. My everything. And I have this aching feeling that we have split in these different sensations and different experiences. Two years is a long time. Long enough for us to not recognize the other. And what would I do if I knew the truth? That we mean nothing to eachother now?
I want to hold the memory. The people we were in this sad, sad scene.
Is she so grown up? Would she even acknowledge the toddler that I have become?
Why am I even here?
She's happy. I'm sad. We cannot love, and it's part of the riddle.
I want to tell her it all. The life I led while she was gone. But it would sadden her. Despite the fact that the drugs are gone. Despite the rehab. Despite the celibacy. Despite the philosophy. Despite the piracy.
I remember one line from her journal... "I love Beth. She is beautiful."
The more I think of it, the less I remember. Even Beth, Larkin, and Parisa are first-class. I'm not even sitting in coach! I load the fucking bags.
I will delete this.
I constantly have to sedate myself. I want to run to her house. Call her number. Comment on her journal. TALK TALK TALK. It's always words with me. I want to understand what she knows and who now she is.
The sad part of this is that I know it's not a good idea. That's why I stop myself. Because I know the end result.
She was my dream. My soul mate. My everything. And I have this aching feeling that we have split in these different sensations and different experiences. Two years is a long time. Long enough for us to not recognize the other. And what would I do if I knew the truth? That we mean nothing to eachother now?
I want to hold the memory. The people we were in this sad, sad scene.
Is she so grown up? Would she even acknowledge the toddler that I have become?
Why am I even here?
She's happy. I'm sad. We cannot love, and it's part of the riddle.
I want to tell her it all. The life I led while she was gone. But it would sadden her. Despite the fact that the drugs are gone. Despite the rehab. Despite the celibacy. Despite the philosophy. Despite the piracy.
I remember one line from her journal... "I love Beth. She is beautiful."
The more I think of it, the less I remember. Even Beth, Larkin, and Parisa are first-class. I'm not even sitting in coach! I load the fucking bags.
I will delete this.