emo tiem
man, I know I don't post often, but christmas. I feel like I need to right now so I can get this crap outta my head ._.;
So, recently I've been going out a lot, which i don't mind, but man, I haven't had a lot of down time, so that's making me very awkward these days. Like, hardly being home and seeing my mommy and now that her fiance lives with us, i find it very uncomfortable to be n the house, kind of. IDK, I'm very leery of almost everyone, especially the guys my mom dates. I know she's known him for most of her life, but then again I guess I'm just being weird because he comes off strange to me. I mean, when he talks on the phone, it sounds to me like he has a hidden agenda. But it also bothers me how loud he talks on the phone, like he has no sincere emotion when he's speaking to someone on the phone.
But that's my opinion :/
Then, when I do see my mom in the house, I feel awkward and I feel like apologizing for not being around as much and not being as helpful around the house as I should be.
Then there's also the fact that I'm a VERY lazy person. I still haven't cleaned my room right D: I'll start on certain sections and then stop for a while, cuz I'm busy. So I technically gave up and stopped.
Which makes me feel very very bad for not keeping up with my cave at all.
so much freakin' dust, I swear.
Then I also have plans in the future of moving out. I want a nice small apartment, but I don't know where. Plus, I'd need to learn how to live on my own (i.e. bills and taxes)
that'll be a task ==;
I'm such a lazy bum that way D:
I avoid adult responsibilities way too much. I mean, I'm grateful to live with my mom, but I feel like I'm imposing quite a bit, even though she assures me that I'm not.
IDK ==;
Now, I also have been feeling terrible lately cuz I feel like I've insulted people who aren't very easily reassured. Like, recently, I was telling the story of how I went to the Gothic nite club with my friend Tes and Chrystal at a V-day picnic and I had mentioned how Tes calls her BF a 'nigga'. I feel like I offended my friend who was there who is black D:
WHY IS IT THAT I'M THE ONE WHO SAYS RACIST CRAP AROUND THE WRONG PEOPLE D:
WHY ME?!
/spasm
that happens so much to me too, I feel like I offend people no matter what I say. I'm not a 'PC person', cuz that's just stupid, BUT, I don't like causing a fuss because I hate arguing and I get violent when I'm annoyed enough and it gets very bad. Sometimes I'd cry if I weren't such a bastard D:
Then there's some kid on DA who felt offended when I had mentioned that I thought it would be funny if Canada (Axis Powers Hetalia) met a tranny and the tranny wanted a sex change and Canada felt sorry for him and gave him one for free. He kind of took it as a homophobic statement, which I didn't meant for it to be. Now, I know it was silly of him to not see my viewpoint and get easily offended, but then again, I too easily forget others views on things like that.
*sigh* I can't ever win can I?
but anyway, right now I'm glad I'm taking a breather from cosplay, even though I have to start back up on it immediately, like tonight XD but at least I'm being productive.
anyway, sorry for the emo rant, I just never get to blow off my steam cuz I'm too busy to do so, or I feel no one really cares to read stupid crap like this.
I think too much, yeah? XD
gah...I pray for some more peace of mind and less stress from regular stupidities of the day ==;;
thanks if you actually read this ^^;
over and out~
So, recently I've been going out a lot, which i don't mind, but man, I haven't had a lot of down time, so that's making me very awkward these days. Like, hardly being home and seeing my mommy and now that her fiance lives with us, i find it very uncomfortable to be n the house, kind of. IDK, I'm very leery of almost everyone, especially the guys my mom dates. I know she's known him for most of her life, but then again I guess I'm just being weird because he comes off strange to me. I mean, when he talks on the phone, it sounds to me like he has a hidden agenda. But it also bothers me how loud he talks on the phone, like he has no sincere emotion when he's speaking to someone on the phone.
But that's my opinion :/
Then, when I do see my mom in the house, I feel awkward and I feel like apologizing for not being around as much and not being as helpful around the house as I should be.
Then there's also the fact that I'm a VERY lazy person. I still haven't cleaned my room right D: I'll start on certain sections and then stop for a while, cuz I'm busy. So I technically gave up and stopped.
Which makes me feel very very bad for not keeping up with my cave at all.
so much freakin' dust, I swear.
Then I also have plans in the future of moving out. I want a nice small apartment, but I don't know where. Plus, I'd need to learn how to live on my own (i.e. bills and taxes)
that'll be a task ==;
I'm such a lazy bum that way D:
I avoid adult responsibilities way too much. I mean, I'm grateful to live with my mom, but I feel like I'm imposing quite a bit, even though she assures me that I'm not.
IDK ==;
Now, I also have been feeling terrible lately cuz I feel like I've insulted people who aren't very easily reassured. Like, recently, I was telling the story of how I went to the Gothic nite club with my friend Tes and Chrystal at a V-day picnic and I had mentioned how Tes calls her BF a 'nigga'. I feel like I offended my friend who was there who is black D:
WHY IS IT THAT I'M THE ONE WHO SAYS RACIST CRAP AROUND THE WRONG PEOPLE D:
WHY ME?!
/spasm
that happens so much to me too, I feel like I offend people no matter what I say. I'm not a 'PC person', cuz that's just stupid, BUT, I don't like causing a fuss because I hate arguing and I get violent when I'm annoyed enough and it gets very bad. Sometimes I'd cry if I weren't such a bastard D:
Then there's some kid on DA who felt offended when I had mentioned that I thought it would be funny if Canada (Axis Powers Hetalia) met a tranny and the tranny wanted a sex change and Canada felt sorry for him and gave him one for free. He kind of took it as a homophobic statement, which I didn't meant for it to be. Now, I know it was silly of him to not see my viewpoint and get easily offended, but then again, I too easily forget others views on things like that.
*sigh* I can't ever win can I?
but anyway, right now I'm glad I'm taking a breather from cosplay, even though I have to start back up on it immediately, like tonight XD but at least I'm being productive.
anyway, sorry for the emo rant, I just never get to blow off my steam cuz I'm too busy to do so, or I feel no one really cares to read stupid crap like this.
I think too much, yeah? XD
gah...I pray for some more peace of mind and less stress from regular stupidities of the day ==;;
thanks if you actually read this ^^;
over and out~