Writitng--In need of critique
I want to say a lot with this, but I don't know I need some help. I would appreciate input. it ends funny and kinda starts funny to, I had it in mty head but it just didn't come out right.
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When I look into her deep brown eyes
pst her always slightly blushed cheeks
Her facade become aparent.
Despite her strength and her confidence
I see she is a delicate girl.
She would fold if I were to crumble her
I can touch her soft flesh
and mold her body in a moment of passion.
As she leans down to sratch her leg
I see the small femine quality of her hands
They are familiar to me
and yet so intriguing.
I find this amazing beauty in her like no other I have known.
Her small voice touches me,
her femininity
her soft curves
her breasts
her hips.
I watch as she walks away.
She is a creature unlike myself.
Her body is so beautiful,
her face so smooth.
Sometimes it melts when she is upset
I see tears in her eyes
though her voice is hard.
This is a blurbish thing: I think it has potential but it sucks.
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I no longer see my shackles in the reflection of my eyes. I feeel free. My face is blushed with life. My smile is real and makes my whole face tingle. My tied back hair bounces in it's new weightlessness. It swarms around my face basking in the warmth of my being.
Why? becaus eI feel passion and inspiration everything is a beautiful image and words float in on a cool breeze. Sounds drift into my ears telling me a secret story.
-----------------------------------------------------------
When I look into her deep brown eyes
pst her always slightly blushed cheeks
Her facade become aparent.
Despite her strength and her confidence
I see she is a delicate girl.
She would fold if I were to crumble her
I can touch her soft flesh
and mold her body in a moment of passion.
As she leans down to sratch her leg
I see the small femine quality of her hands
They are familiar to me
and yet so intriguing.
I find this amazing beauty in her like no other I have known.
Her small voice touches me,
her femininity
her soft curves
her breasts
her hips.
I watch as she walks away.
She is a creature unlike myself.
Her body is so beautiful,
her face so smooth.
Sometimes it melts when she is upset
I see tears in her eyes
though her voice is hard.
This is a blurbish thing: I think it has potential but it sucks.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I no longer see my shackles in the reflection of my eyes. I feeel free. My face is blushed with life. My smile is real and makes my whole face tingle. My tied back hair bounces in it's new weightlessness. It swarms around my face basking in the warmth of my being.
Why? becaus eI feel passion and inspiration everything is a beautiful image and words float in on a cool breeze. Sounds drift into my ears telling me a secret story.