deprived of conciousness
I hate how the average sleep time has been 3 hrs per night for me and many of my friends, sometimes it is easier to pull an all nighter, I have had a few. These all nighters are followed by a day of a feeling of being surrounded by a cloud or a blanket, no worries, just hovering along, at this point you can't be stressed out your body only needs sleep and food, so you just can't think at all. I have reached a state of dilerium. once it was so wonderful, yet I knew it was traking it's toll on my body. I am so sick and tired, of feeling like a rag doll, feeling so frail from my lack of sleep and mental rest that I can't do anything. Sickness is plauging us all so much easier than it normally would be. I am loosing my voice for the second time in a month. The weather is not helpiung it's making the whole system of sleep deprivation so much worse. Cold then 2 hrs later hot, the so cold and foggy your body is almost shcoked by the transition. I suppose i could live in colorado so I shouldn't complain. But it is getting harder to bounce back. I went to bed last night at 4:30 woke up at 8 a lot of hours for me then made it to class at nine, i slept again from 12:30 to 3:30, and again from 8 to 10. that si a total of 9 hours, but it is 4:00 now and my body just can't do it. though my mental state is at a semi-functioning level, I need to spend at least 3 more hours drawing, and I don't think I can hold my arm up any more. It is getting hard to bounce back, somehow i must find time to sleep! I ahve to pull an all nighter tomorrow night, meening I might just come home and nap. I just want to smack myself in the face, but I know this isn't really all my fault. I Do procrastinate this is true, but in an attempt to let my body/mind have some time to relax, this relaxing time, known as saturday, really screws me up, I needed that day to do work, and on the other days i sleep in anyways. Alll nighter tomorrow!!!!! I just can't handle it, I am wearing very thin all of the sudden, emotions are becoming an issues, and my friend had an anxiety attack in class as well, she sleeps less than i do, and is a nursing major, sometimes i wonder why??? why do these people do this to us, is it necessary? Ug they have been there can't they see all their students stumbling into class and falling apart before their very eyes? is it not clear enough that this is to much to expect?????!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AHHHHHH!!!!!>!>!>!>>! okay so even though I am feelling this way I still find the need to try harder, to push more to make it harder to wake up, take more units. AHHG. And then there are those stupid people asleep now wondering why people like me can't get all my work done??? I guess I don't even know, maybe i havn't learned or maybe she does have less work than me, maybe her stress is less because her family is her cradle there to fall on if she needs them. I don't have a cradle of comfort and any palce in my life where stres sis not a factor. I am dangling very high above the world on very thing strings ahnging me from my limbs. That is the only image I can see in my head right now. It's so late, but now it seems early, it's only 4 he sun hasn't risen. my eyes are burning from the screen. I am delirious, though still forming some kind of cohesive thouhg, my mind is venturing. The visulas are now so prominant in my head it would not be long, if i chose to sstay awake, before the visulas in the back of my mind came forward and became a halucination. Good night, fuck that horrible rocky life. Sleep is my only pleasure!