In world of despair and existential angst.
Blah Blah. Ignore the title.
I have many friends on here I love, and have loved forever. From far before coming to America. Almost a decade has passed since I left England for pastures new, a decision I do not and will never regret.
Genuinely. and mainly, the reason is Halie. Given the time, effort and extent we've tried to be together; the fact we've fought distance, international law, monetary concerns and most importantly, actual love problems, I feel I have gone beyond the call of duty. There is nothing left for me to explain or prove. When Halie spends years in England, suffering emotional and existential pain, I shall do everything in my power for her. Nobody deserves what I've been through, even if the end result is pretty much joy.
No, I'm writing this post piss-ass, fuck-gone drunk because it needs to go somewhere and I hate myself for doing it. I love Lucy. Not the show, the person. She's my favourite pain in the arse. She has appalling taste in men. She argues the point for no reason.
She sits between potential lover (which will never happen) and sister (which probably has happened, even though I feel weird) and basically is in my life, joyfully as neither and both.
Damnit.
The point is I feel if I were single, I'd clearly desire to be with her. Also, given what she's done and what I know, I also clearly do not ever want to be with her. Funnily, this is my issue. I am stuck between two non-existent philosophical positions. Only God knows how much I really love Lucy, and it's a lot. I care for her more than anyone barring Halie.
I just wish I knew in what sense. No doubt she'd call this overthinking. Still, I think as she's experienced in her short life, only one man has really grown to know her and love her. I always will. She's not Halie, nor is she comparable to my wife because my wife is beyond perfect in a realm I wish I could enter; no, Lucy is Lucy, an imperfect being who strikes too many chords with my imperfect self.
Even drunk this is as far as I choose to go and what I opt to say. I love my friends and I am not oblivious to the past. Nowadays, only two girls really enter my thoughts and one is my wife and the other is my best friend. I never thought this would happen.
Deary!
"The task must be made difficult, for only the difficult inspires the noble-hearted." - Kierkegaard
I have many friends on here I love, and have loved forever. From far before coming to America. Almost a decade has passed since I left England for pastures new, a decision I do not and will never regret.
Genuinely. and mainly, the reason is Halie. Given the time, effort and extent we've tried to be together; the fact we've fought distance, international law, monetary concerns and most importantly, actual love problems, I feel I have gone beyond the call of duty. There is nothing left for me to explain or prove. When Halie spends years in England, suffering emotional and existential pain, I shall do everything in my power for her. Nobody deserves what I've been through, even if the end result is pretty much joy.
No, I'm writing this post piss-ass, fuck-gone drunk because it needs to go somewhere and I hate myself for doing it. I love Lucy. Not the show, the person. She's my favourite pain in the arse. She has appalling taste in men. She argues the point for no reason.
She sits between potential lover (which will never happen) and sister (which probably has happened, even though I feel weird) and basically is in my life, joyfully as neither and both.
Damnit.
The point is I feel if I were single, I'd clearly desire to be with her. Also, given what she's done and what I know, I also clearly do not ever want to be with her. Funnily, this is my issue. I am stuck between two non-existent philosophical positions. Only God knows how much I really love Lucy, and it's a lot. I care for her more than anyone barring Halie.
I just wish I knew in what sense. No doubt she'd call this overthinking. Still, I think as she's experienced in her short life, only one man has really grown to know her and love her. I always will. She's not Halie, nor is she comparable to my wife because my wife is beyond perfect in a realm I wish I could enter; no, Lucy is Lucy, an imperfect being who strikes too many chords with my imperfect self.
Even drunk this is as far as I choose to go and what I opt to say. I love my friends and I am not oblivious to the past. Nowadays, only two girls really enter my thoughts and one is my wife and the other is my best friend. I never thought this would happen.
Deary!
"The task must be made difficult, for only the difficult inspires the noble-hearted." - Kierkegaard