i don't own me.

[manic_grrl]

been sleeping with CP semi-regularly since the hotel weekend. i feel like a whore. like i don't own my body. it's not about me; it's about her. i've fucked her about 8 times now. twice tonight. she's a rabbit. i hate it. she's using me. lying to me. lying to people about me. i'm not attracted to her at all. have no desire to pursue a relationship. don't want to fuck her. ever. but she needs me. wants me. whatever. i'm a whore.

if i need nothing. i am in control.
i could be a never-ending vending machine;
i could never need to be alone,
never need to be my own
as much as you need your coin.
- ani difranco

going home this weekend. for a funeral. i'm not cool with that. but i'll be fine.

truly yours,
xX. the girl.