make me pretty.
i haven't eaten in three days. it feels good to have my stomach empty. i remember now why i used to fast in high school so often. i should do this more often. my fasting now combined with the fact that i've been purging basically every meal i've eaten in weeks prompted paul to say that he thinks i have ed-nos. i do NOT have an eating disorder. i have control issues, yes. but i do not have an eating disorder. i just like being empty. & i do NOT like food. besides, he most certainly has ed-nos & he won't admit it. but he's losing about 2 pounds a day. he says he just wants to get down to 118. & then he'll be done. but it never works that way & i'm worried about him.
i don't want to eat tonight. but i promised paul that i would, so that he would promise me that he would.
day before yesterday i had 100 calories. yesterday i had between 40-50 calories. today so far i have had between 30-40.
when i go to dinner with everyone, i'm just going to get a salad. with lots of negative calorie veggies. i promised him i would eat, & i will. but i'm staying under 200 calories. because today is the day in the cycle that i stay under 200. tomorrow that bumps up to 500 just so that i don't slow my metabolism down too much. but i probably won't hit even close to 500 because if i eat tonight, i won't want to tomorrow.
i hope paul is actually going to eat, like he promised. & i hope he'll keep it down, like he promised.
i need a nap. & i need to clean. & weigh myself again.
life = tiring.
truly yours,
xX. the girl.
i don't want to eat tonight. but i promised paul that i would, so that he would promise me that he would.
day before yesterday i had 100 calories. yesterday i had between 40-50 calories. today so far i have had between 30-40.
when i go to dinner with everyone, i'm just going to get a salad. with lots of negative calorie veggies. i promised him i would eat, & i will. but i'm staying under 200 calories. because today is the day in the cycle that i stay under 200. tomorrow that bumps up to 500 just so that i don't slow my metabolism down too much. but i probably won't hit even close to 500 because if i eat tonight, i won't want to tomorrow.
i hope paul is actually going to eat, like he promised. & i hope he'll keep it down, like he promised.
i need a nap. & i need to clean. & weigh myself again.
life = tiring.
truly yours,
xX. the girl.