random statements with a couple rants thrown in
The Mona Lisa has no jewelry. She has no distinguishing clothes. And yet she's still beautiful, intriguing, and memorable.
Ann mentioned the Alciato emblems in class yesterday, reminded me of my obsession with them two springs ago. If only for Envy which was a huge obsession of mine at the time... wonder why.
Got a lot of shit to write about... at least some ideas came to me in class.
One was for a screenplay, of course I've lost it by now, but it was good at the time.
I LOVE MOTRIN! It kills the pain but doesn't make me as out of it as vicodin does... not that I don't like vicodin... but I need to be lucid.
Hippie Johnny's a fucking bastard. I walk back listening to "Hypnotise" and "My Old Man" comes on next, I really don't feel like Joni so I skip it... hello "Ex-Girlfriend." Just cracks me up how that was what I woke up to everyday while I was home 'cause I left Return of Saturn in my stereo.
Hey! Listen to me! I'm on the stereo, stereo-ho...
I need to get into the city this weekend. Not even want, it's a need. I don't care what part, I don't care where. I could hit up Dylan's or Chat n Chew or Relish... note all the food... maybe I'll try to go in the early afternoon Friday with someone like me who's five and try to get on the ferris wheel at Toys R Us.
Oh man, sixth grade English class with Mrs. Mann... "Toys are we! We are toys!"
Yep, nothing like hearing a bunch of twelve-year-old girls running out of class in their little uniforms screaming that at the top of their lungs.
But yeah, I'm a materialistic hag. Oh... there was something about presenting myself that came to me. I guess through clothing and ornamentation. Like my rings, which mean less now. My school ring's gone. Weird. The ones on my left hand still mean something. My right hand's more abstract. I'm so getting myself a right hand ring when I have enough money.
Joe: She was holding a unicorn.
Duchess' notebook: Pyramid Collection?
Cap'n's notebook: Did the horn vibrate?
I mean I'm very hung up on how I present myself to everyone else, I hate misconceptions, I hate being misunderstood. The past week or so I've been thinking about things people have said to/about me and just going "No, that's not right." And feeling so completely powerless to try to correct them. Because there's this sad part of me that feels like in some cases if I say they're wrong, I feel like they're suddenly right. What choice have I but to accept this? And I mean it's things that I could shrug off a month... three months ago... two weeks ago... and then you begin to wonder - is it that important that I set these people straight? If I feel like I have to say "You've been wrong about me for this reason" doesn't that defeat the purpose of me just being... me? I mean, if I feel that they are so wrong about something I am or do -- doesn't that just mean they don't really know me as well as I thought? I still maintain no one can know you better than you know yourself. And you have to know yourself before you can know anyone else. I mean ah fuck, you know what I mean.
The zipper broke on my favorite pink jacket.
No, that's not what I meant.
It's really sad, that whole "Well, I read a lot of Gaiman," bit... because whenever I get these pangs I just keep thinking of the Kindly Ones and the whole resentment of the term "Fury."
One call, Little Fury, if I don't black out! Hold what you've got...
I feel like there are never multiple springs. All of them are just this one huge thing.
-Lying upside down on my couch waiting for Joe to come over and watch movies and walk around my neighborhood... screaming Shakespearean dialogue on a windy night or driving around listening to Elephant when it was new.
-Wandering outside to sit with Molly and Michelle listening to Radiohead on the lawn, or hearing someone play "Dear Prudence" during Filmmaking.
-It's being barefoot everywhere on campus.
-It's that mad craving for bad Lemon Ice, that you have to eat with some little bit of wood... it's not even a spoon.
-It's waiting oustide St. Thomas the Apostle in the dress my mom's friend made me, standing there with at least a hundred other kids from my grade and from my school, all the girls in their little white dresses, feeling jealous of the twins who came in a limo.
-It's cramming so that I don't look like an idiot in front of the bishop and countless of weeks of saying "No, not Patricia, Patrick. It's a family name."
-It's throwing the blender out the window.
-It's hugs on Franklin Street from Mickey and Liam and Joe.
-It's being set up to go to the Soph Hop.
-It's screaming at the Sallies guys in the busses, flipping them off and hearing "OH! You wish, don't you? YOU WISH!"
-It's leaving early and playing "Telephone Call From Istanbul" or "Song 2" as loud as possible.
-It's hanging out at the bus stop talking to Jeff wondering if Taylor's school had off.
-It's being able to wear socks again.
-It's throwing yourself down Taylor's hill.
-Hiding under the bleachers at BYC and stealing from the Snack Shack.
-It's that anxious fidgiting you can't explain in grade school.
-It's square dancing better than you'd like to, and having a partner who you had a major crush on when your original one got sick. *swoon*
-It's stopping by the Friends School to get ice cream from Jack & Jill.
-It's the first time ice cream man comes through your neighborhood and everyone runs outside.
-Or the time the truck broke down and he stayed and everyone started a huge soccer game with him in cul-de-sac.
-It's Little League and playing Third Base, getting the red aluminum bat, the perfect weight for you, and naming it "Excalibat." I sucked at softball.
-Piling in a car and convincing people you're claustrophobic.
-Wearing glow necklaces to the movies so you can find your friends.
-Getting a solo for the Eighth Grade play, making up stupid nicknames for your friends and becoming the Empress, with your best friend as the Sultan.
-The solar system - Tahra as the Earth, Jesse the moon, Lindsay the sun.
-Convincing K-S to let you have class outside.
-Setting up for the art show to get out of Gym.
-Ted's yellow sunglasses.
-The blue sunglasses he bought me.
-"I'm Batman, Father Mullin."
-Introducing everyone to TGS.
-Taping Rachel to the sofa.
-Pet Sounds, Let it Bleed, Let it Be.
-"Half Fling."
-Being called a gem.
-The best kinds of weird awkward crushes.
-"Damn, you really are short!"
-Being thrown in the ocean by Mark & Sarah for my birthday.
-"IIII wanna plaaaay Titaaaaaaaaanic..."
-"19-2000"
-"Courtney, you have to mourn."
-slutty outfits at Urban.
-Young Designers Market and uncomfortable shoes.
-"You look like Christie Todd Whitman," which reminds me, this year? SO taking the subway.
-Running around Philadelphia with my dad trying to get into Jefferson to see the Gross Clinic.
-Acceptance letters!
-AP Exams
-Kemer knew my name and asked me for coffee. I don't think I need to say anything else. *swoon*
-Getting that fucking *swoon* feeling every five seconds.
-Prom... the dresses and corsages and renting limos and everything.
-Pretty dresses in general.
There is only one spring. It's the same feeling every god damn year. How wonderful.
Ann mentioned the Alciato emblems in class yesterday, reminded me of my obsession with them two springs ago. If only for Envy which was a huge obsession of mine at the time... wonder why.
Got a lot of shit to write about... at least some ideas came to me in class.
One was for a screenplay, of course I've lost it by now, but it was good at the time.
I LOVE MOTRIN! It kills the pain but doesn't make me as out of it as vicodin does... not that I don't like vicodin... but I need to be lucid.
Hippie Johnny's a fucking bastard. I walk back listening to "Hypnotise" and "My Old Man" comes on next, I really don't feel like Joni so I skip it... hello "Ex-Girlfriend." Just cracks me up how that was what I woke up to everyday while I was home 'cause I left Return of Saturn in my stereo.
Hey! Listen to me! I'm on the stereo, stereo-ho...
I need to get into the city this weekend. Not even want, it's a need. I don't care what part, I don't care where. I could hit up Dylan's or Chat n Chew or Relish... note all the food... maybe I'll try to go in the early afternoon Friday with someone like me who's five and try to get on the ferris wheel at Toys R Us.
Oh man, sixth grade English class with Mrs. Mann... "Toys are we! We are toys!"
Yep, nothing like hearing a bunch of twelve-year-old girls running out of class in their little uniforms screaming that at the top of their lungs.
But yeah, I'm a materialistic hag. Oh... there was something about presenting myself that came to me. I guess through clothing and ornamentation. Like my rings, which mean less now. My school ring's gone. Weird. The ones on my left hand still mean something. My right hand's more abstract. I'm so getting myself a right hand ring when I have enough money.
Joe: She was holding a unicorn.
Duchess' notebook: Pyramid Collection?
Cap'n's notebook: Did the horn vibrate?
I mean I'm very hung up on how I present myself to everyone else, I hate misconceptions, I hate being misunderstood. The past week or so I've been thinking about things people have said to/about me and just going "No, that's not right." And feeling so completely powerless to try to correct them. Because there's this sad part of me that feels like in some cases if I say they're wrong, I feel like they're suddenly right. What choice have I but to accept this? And I mean it's things that I could shrug off a month... three months ago... two weeks ago... and then you begin to wonder - is it that important that I set these people straight? If I feel like I have to say "You've been wrong about me for this reason" doesn't that defeat the purpose of me just being... me? I mean, if I feel that they are so wrong about something I am or do -- doesn't that just mean they don't really know me as well as I thought? I still maintain no one can know you better than you know yourself. And you have to know yourself before you can know anyone else. I mean ah fuck, you know what I mean.
The zipper broke on my favorite pink jacket.
No, that's not what I meant.
It's really sad, that whole "Well, I read a lot of Gaiman," bit... because whenever I get these pangs I just keep thinking of the Kindly Ones and the whole resentment of the term "Fury."
One call, Little Fury, if I don't black out! Hold what you've got...
I feel like there are never multiple springs. All of them are just this one huge thing.
-Lying upside down on my couch waiting for Joe to come over and watch movies and walk around my neighborhood... screaming Shakespearean dialogue on a windy night or driving around listening to Elephant when it was new.
-Wandering outside to sit with Molly and Michelle listening to Radiohead on the lawn, or hearing someone play "Dear Prudence" during Filmmaking.
-It's being barefoot everywhere on campus.
-It's that mad craving for bad Lemon Ice, that you have to eat with some little bit of wood... it's not even a spoon.
-It's waiting oustide St. Thomas the Apostle in the dress my mom's friend made me, standing there with at least a hundred other kids from my grade and from my school, all the girls in their little white dresses, feeling jealous of the twins who came in a limo.
-It's cramming so that I don't look like an idiot in front of the bishop and countless of weeks of saying "No, not Patricia, Patrick. It's a family name."
-It's throwing the blender out the window.
-It's hugs on Franklin Street from Mickey and Liam and Joe.
-It's being set up to go to the Soph Hop.
-It's screaming at the Sallies guys in the busses, flipping them off and hearing "OH! You wish, don't you? YOU WISH!"
-It's leaving early and playing "Telephone Call From Istanbul" or "Song 2" as loud as possible.
-It's hanging out at the bus stop talking to Jeff wondering if Taylor's school had off.
-It's being able to wear socks again.
-It's throwing yourself down Taylor's hill.
-Hiding under the bleachers at BYC and stealing from the Snack Shack.
-It's that anxious fidgiting you can't explain in grade school.
-It's square dancing better than you'd like to, and having a partner who you had a major crush on when your original one got sick. *swoon*
-It's stopping by the Friends School to get ice cream from Jack & Jill.
-It's the first time ice cream man comes through your neighborhood and everyone runs outside.
-Or the time the truck broke down and he stayed and everyone started a huge soccer game with him in cul-de-sac.
-It's Little League and playing Third Base, getting the red aluminum bat, the perfect weight for you, and naming it "Excalibat." I sucked at softball.
-Piling in a car and convincing people you're claustrophobic.
-Wearing glow necklaces to the movies so you can find your friends.
-Getting a solo for the Eighth Grade play, making up stupid nicknames for your friends and becoming the Empress, with your best friend as the Sultan.
-The solar system - Tahra as the Earth, Jesse the moon, Lindsay the sun.
-Convincing K-S to let you have class outside.
-Setting up for the art show to get out of Gym.
-Ted's yellow sunglasses.
-The blue sunglasses he bought me.
-"I'm Batman, Father Mullin."
-Introducing everyone to TGS.
-Taping Rachel to the sofa.
-Pet Sounds, Let it Bleed, Let it Be.
-"Half Fling."
-Being called a gem.
-The best kinds of weird awkward crushes.
-"Damn, you really are short!"
-Being thrown in the ocean by Mark & Sarah for my birthday.
-"IIII wanna plaaaay Titaaaaaaaaanic..."
-"19-2000"
-"Courtney, you have to mourn."
-slutty outfits at Urban.
-Young Designers Market and uncomfortable shoes.
-"You look like Christie Todd Whitman," which reminds me, this year? SO taking the subway.
-Running around Philadelphia with my dad trying to get into Jefferson to see the Gross Clinic.
-Acceptance letters!
-AP Exams
-Kemer knew my name and asked me for coffee. I don't think I need to say anything else. *swoon*
-Getting that fucking *swoon* feeling every five seconds.
-Prom... the dresses and corsages and renting limos and everything.
-Pretty dresses in general.
There is only one spring. It's the same feeling every god damn year. How wonderful.