Tea Time in Egypt
Rose Tyler was drinking tea and eating biscuits during tea time, which, on the whole of things wasn’t that ridiculously outrageous, other than the fact that they were also in the middle of the desert.
In Egypt.
Any buildings that might have given her a vague awareness of when or where in the country they had landed had either disintegrated into sand (as if the desert needed more of it) or simply didn’t exist. She was betting plenty on the latter.
So, Rose Tyler was having tea in the middle of the desert without a clue to exactly when or where she was, with a bloody Time Lord right beside to her. That thought, in itself, was pretty ridiculous. There should be some universal law against it.
Rose snorted to herself. As if any law would stop the Doctor from doing anything. On the contrary, it would probably give him even more incentive to do it.
Rose propped her chin into her hand, and threw a look of contempt at the man lying beside her, his mind very obviously free from any forms of irritation.
While the Doctor did not feel the need to give her any indication to their whereabouts, he did, however, feel the need for a good cup of tea, despite the fact that all the liquid in her mug was dissolving at a frighteningly quick pace. This and his own empty cup were all perched on a dilapidated table that was so old that the paint had nearly completely worn off, giving the impression that the metal was its intended color and not the bland white it had once been painted. The Doctor had obviously dug the poor item up from somewhere deep in the bowels of the TARDIS. On the brighter side, she couldn’t see a sign of rust anywhere.
She gave a long withering sigh and drummed her fingernails on the metal, wondering why she had agreed to this in the first place. It was Egypt. He’d said so. Hot blazing suns, lots and lots of sand, nothing but scorpions around for miles. The scorpions in particular did not sound very inviting, as scorpions rarely do.
In her defense, when he’d said ‘Egypt’, she’d thought that he meant somewhere along the lines of pyramids, old dusty tombs, mummies, curses and hieroglyphics. Then they’d probably find out that some alien was making the mummies come alive and they’d both have to leg it back to the TARDIS, after making several things that were in no way inflammable explode.
That sounded more or less like what she had imagined happening. Her mind was rarely plagued by thoughts of tranquil trips to planets nowadays; hanging out with the locals usually caused spears to swing at their direction and worshipping (both ways) nearly got them poisoned. After they had fled from a planet inhabited exclusively by mosquitoes that hadn’t come across any blood for a long time, Rose came to the painfully obvious conclusion that she should have realized a decade before she met him.
Things with the Doctor were not peaceful.
Not that this place was particularly exciting either.
“Doctor?”
“Hmmmm?” He hummed, not moving a muscle.
“Why are we here?”
From the sun chair that he apparently had produced from nowhere (why he would even have a sun chair when they never actually relaxed was what got her), he lazily cracked open an eye from under the sunglasses he wore and regarded her calmly for a moment. Annoyingly calmly.
During his usual superior Time Lord biology lecture that had taken place a few minutes before, he had informed her, in his usual pompous way, that with his cooler body temperature, he had no trouble at all dealing with the sweltering heat, despite the fact that he was wearing his normal clothes, which Rose had no doubt had at least a few layers. Her only response to his self-glorifying lecture was to shoot him disdainful glares in her sky blue tank top which was still too much clothing to keep cool.
She shot him one of those glares now, while he could see it.
“Why, don’t you like the sun?” he asked nonchalantly, closing the eye again.
“Ever heard the saying ‘too much of a good thing’?”
He nodded. “Met the man who made that up. If he knew how much people would be using nowadays, he would have slapped himself in the face.”
“Interesting. But doesn’t exactly to my question.”
“I think it’s nice! Besides, you’re always complaining about how often we get chased around.”
“Yeah, I remember that. But in the middle of the desert, nothing’s alive enough to chase us around.”
“Then I don’t see the problem.”
Rose gripped her fingers around the now evaporated cup of tea and resisted the urge to throw at his head. Purely for the scientific purpose of seeing if his head was that thick, of course.
“Doctor, it’s practically 120 degrees outside.”
“I’m fine.” He said matter of factly, resting his hands behind his head.
“Well that’s you and your sodding superior biology, isn’t it?” she snapped.
He grinned, acting so excruciatingly normal that she simply wanted to hurt him for it. “My, my, aren’t we getting a bit touchy.”
Deep breaths, Rose. Besides, he’ll only regenerate. “Just… this isn’t the best place for tea, yeah?”
“You’re right!” he chirped suddenly, after a few minutes of contemplation that most likely did not have anything to do with the situation.
Rose blinked. “What?”
“You’re right.” He repeated. “This isn’t the best place for tea. Considering with all the sun, all that liquid would just evaporate anyway. Although, I don’t know… I rather prefer the smell of tea. It can make me do plenty of things. Free radicals and tannin; all the good stuff. Your mother makes a spiffing cup of tea in that aspect. It’s too bad the rest of her doesn’t follow the suit.” The last sentence was half-mumbled, a hint of dislike thinly veiled over the words.
Rose had to snort at it.
“But as I said, you’re absolutely correct. This, by all means, is not the best place to be having tea.”
“Then why are we here?”
“I have no idea.”
She stared at him. “What?”
“The TARDIS landed us here, and I don’t know, I didn’t feel like moving.”
Rose slammed the cup of tea onto the table and stood up. “Right, that’s it.” Storming into the TARDIS, she slammed the door shut loudly as she went.
“Rose?” The Doctor called, slipping off his sunglasses, but otherwise refusing to move from his position. “Rose! I’m sorry!”
There wasn’t any answer.
He sighed. “Alright, suit yourself.” he mumbled, settling back into the chair to bask in the warm (or rather, blisteringly hot) Egyptian sun.
He didn’t see why she had such a problem with coming here. Of all the places in the world, this was probably the least likely location for an alien invasion.
Location for an alien invasion. He grinned. He liked that. It sounded like it would roll off the tongue quite nicely. Then, simply to test if this theory was true, he said it out loud, before realizing that probably hadn’t been a good idea, as talking to absolutely no one wasn’t something people liked to see or felt comfortable around. Especially when the words had little or nothing to do with anything.
But before he could come to a well thought out decision on whether he liked the phrase or not, the TARDIS doors creaked open again and he stifled a know-it-all smile.
That was probably Rose coming to apologize for being so snappish.
Even with his eyes closed, he could hear her soft steps in the grains of sand, shifting each tiny rock aside with a soft crunch. Well, it wasn’t really a crunch, more like a crriph… A very soft crriph that would usually go unnoticed by a human ear.
Then again, he wasn’t human. He could even hear the water sloshing impatiently against the sides of what container it happened to be in.
Wait. Water in a desert?
His eyes snapped open, but it was too late.
Letting out a yell, as one usually does with confronted head on with a healthy douse for freezing cold water, he shot out of the chair like a gunshot, snatching the bucket out of Rose’s hands before she could empty it completely, as if removing the offending item would change the fact that was completely soaked.
There were a few minutes of stunned silence.
Rose giggled softly, breaking the moment for a second, but otherwise maintaining a straight face.
Then she did it again, this time holding a hand to her mouth in a vain attempt to control the mirth bubbling from her lips.
Eventually she was keeling over, her legs struggling to support the force of her laughter, her hand pointed vaguely in the direction of the Doctor’s stunned face.
His hair now matted down with water and his pinstriped suit dripping with the same, his face held an expression of astonishment, embarrassment and anger, all of which combined made Rose think he looked rather like a Jack Russell terrier who had just been kicked out of his own home and had water dumped all over him.
Rose snorted loudly at the image the thought brought into her head, much too busy laughing to think about how embarrassing she sounded.
Grinding his teeth, the Doctor looked down at the bucket in his hand and promptly emptied the rest of the contents on the blonde’s head.
Rose shrieked, her laughing coming to a short stop.
The Doctor dropped the now empty bucket into the sand, an unbearably smug look now resting comfortably on his face.
She gaped at him for a moment before her own lips quirked upwards into an open mouthed grin. “Oh, I am so going to get you for that.”
“Get me?” he asked in mock astonishment. “You’re the one who started this! Now we’re-“
Cutting him short, she dove for his stomach, causing him to flinch momentarily before realizing what she was doing.
He raised his eyebrows at her. “Are you testing if I’m ticklish?” She didn’t answer. “Because I’m not.”
Refusing to listen, she continued to attack his abdomen, digging in mercilessly until he finally squirmed and let out a few strangled chuckles.
“Ha!” she smiled triumphantly, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. “I knew it.”
“Alright then, you little minx.” he growled, sticking a hand into a sensitive corner of her neck. Rose squealed, her shoulder shooting upwards in an instinctive attempt to make him remove his hand. “But I know that you’re ticklish.”
Rose started giggling before he even moved, her small laughter suddenly turning into an uncontrolled guffaw as he attacked her belly. Dropping to the ground, she attempted to move out of his reach and push his hands away from her, but he was too quick and the gesture only left more spots open.
“Say you’re sorry.”
She shook her head, writhing into the sand as she laughed. She could practically feel the little grains sift into her shirt and pockets; she was definitely to need a shower after this.
“What was that?” he asked, refusing to let up.
Realizing the futility of her position, she relented, although the loss wasn’t something she was terribly concerned about anymore. Right about now, she was more concerned about staying alive; she was surely going to die of laughter soon. “I’m… s-HAHA- I’m sorry!” she choked out finally, somehow managing to find words stuck between her never ending giggles. The tickling stopped almost immediately, but she continued to wrack out weak chuckles, her body so deprived of air that it didn’t have enough energy to make even a proper snort anymore. “I’m sorry.” She gasped once more, although she didn’t know why.
Noticing that she was on her side, she now rolled onto her back, fairly certain she looked like a right case, lying in the middle of the desert with a stupid grin on her face.
It took a full ten minutes for her to finally calm down completely, her laughter slowly ebbing away into silence and the sound of wind drifting across the sand.
Exhaling a shuddering breath, she let her eyes drift sleepily open, a sloppy smile still glued to her features.
Considering she had been lying on her back facing the sun, she had expected to open her eyes at the clear blue sky, assuming incorrectly that the Doctor had returned to his chair to relax, or had at least gone into the TARDIS to dry off and get a new set of clothes. But when her eyes blinked open, she quickly discovered that the Doctor had not, in fact, moved at all and was now leaning over her with an oddly intense look on his face.
Rose’s smile slowly faded away and she instead opted for the completely astonished and maybe-a-bit-slightly-embarrassed look, deciding that it worked better for the situation.
There were several moments of silence as she shifted uncomfortably, looking in every direction but his face.
Say something. Anything.
“Nice day out.” she blurted, catching the absurdity of the statement moments after it left the confines of her mouth. She winced. Saying stupid things would not help the situation.
The Doctor raised an amused eyebrow, his lips curling into an equally amused smirk. She swallowed, feeling even more uncomfortable than she had been before.
Opening her mouth, she attempted to say something clever, perhaps to make up for the recent bout of stupidity, but all the words that entered her brain died on her tongue and she bit her lip, deciding that the best was to get out of this situation was to escape. Somehow.
“Yes, it is rather nice, isn’t it?” the Doctor mumbled suddenly, causing Rose’s attention to snap back to him. She was fairly certain that he hadn’t even looked at the sky to make this opinion and that way he was grinning at her was completely unnerving. She felt like a mouse trapped in a corner, with no where to hide and no where to run.
And… did… did he just move closer?
She should move. Yes, that seemed like a good idea. She should stop this before it went too far and figure out what was wrong, because according to her brain, there was less chance of the Doctor kissing her in his normal state of mind than she had of walking over one of those sand dunes and finding a magic lamp.
Rose swallowed again. Or maybe she was hallucinating.
Of course. It wasn’t completely out of the question, after all, they were in a desert. People had hallucinations in the desert. Right?
Maybe there’d been something in the water. The TARDIS had left it in the control room on the captain’s seat where she was sure to find it and Rose had picked it up without thinking, determined to teach the Doctor a good lesson about where and when one should have a good cup of tea. The TARDIS wouldn’t have put anything in the water that would have harmed him, surely. Perhaps she was playing a trick. Well, very funny. Ha ha, her sides were splitting, really.
“Rose?”
She blinked up at him, realizing with a jolt that during her frantic state of mind, she hadn’t noticed him drift even closer.
“You might as well accept that there’s nothing wrong with me, because there isn’t.” he said clearly in his usual ‘lecture’ voice before dropping down and brushing his lips over hers.
And like that, all thoughts of wondering how he’d known what she’d been thinking suddenly shot out of her head with all the efficiency of a missile in a nuclear war cannon.
She felt him draw back a bit, pausing thoughtfully for a moment before leaning down again, this time moving his mouth over hers more forcefully.
Rose didn’t move, preferring, instead, to stay frozen to the spot as her cheeks flushed red. She wasn’t sure she should move, she wasn’t even sure if this was right. She was still half convinced that the Doctor was ill or was possessed by something or another and the other half had recently taken a vacation, leaving a vague note about how it would be back once the Doctor moved away enough for her brain to start functioning properly. Unfortunately, even with the reasonable part of her mind working (bloody damn thing that was), the current invasion of personal space rendered all her limbs effectively useless.
She couldn’t believe this was happening.
She was going to wake up any second and realize that this was all some odd deluded dream. Not that her dreams were frequented by men in pinstriped suits, of course.
When the Doctor had finally moved away, she had frankly, not noticed. And she would have continued this daze of ultimate confusion and turmoil had the man on top of her gotten sick of waiting and promptly licked her nose.
She immediately clapped a hand over the damp surface of skin and wiped it off, throwing him a look of disgust. “What was that for?”
“I was bored.” He admitted casually, his shoulders shrugging up in a carefree way.
She wrinkled her nose at him. “You’re disgusting.”
“On the contrary, I’m extremely handsome and irresistibly charming.” He grinned as Rose rolled her eyes skeptically. “And apparently I am such a great kisser that one is rendered immobile for in indefinite amount of time after it.”
No, that was most definitely the Doctor. Only someone like him would be making some arrogant comment about this. And maybe Jack.
No, not maybe. If Jack hadn’t boasted about something like this at one point in his life, then Rose would have grown two heads and five thumbs. Jack would not be able to not boast about something like this.
Rose glanced up and wondered if Jack had rubbed off on him before he’d regenerated.
Opening her mouth, she once again said the first thing that came to mind. While it had obviously not done her well in previous situations, her mouth apparently decided that it was better than nothing.
“Am I hallucinating?”
The Doctor’s face turned into an expression of complete confusion and shock. “What? No!”
She let out a short laugh, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Alright, I’m sorry. Just a bit of a shock.”
He raised a smug eyebrow. “That good, eh?”
“Nope. Just didn’t expect it.”
The Doctor pouted, looking more than slightly miffed.
She grinned and tapped his shoulder, recalling his attention. “Tell you what, I’ll give you another try… on one condition.”
“What condition might that be?”
“That you never… EVER bring me here for something stupid as a cup of tea.”
He gasped. “Rose Tyler, I am appalled! There is nothing stupid about a cup of tea!”
“It is when you land us in the middle of a desert to- mmf!”
So apparently they had a deal then.