Wow, I Can't Stop Crying.
I'm in a very weird mood. Today was a great day, shitty day, the best day, the worst day, all for a billion fucking reasons. I'm just so emotional right now, and I guess listening to emotional music isn't helping the situation. Think of this as my own kind of public service announcement.
Seriously? Just drop all the drama and bullshit. I can't stress enough how stupid, petty and retarded most of it is. That shit doesn't even matter. Today, I went with Christina and Nat to Fiesta Texas, for the second time this week to have fun with Christina and spend a day with Nat before he left back to Thailand. Hah, I can't stop crying about everything today. I'm actually crying as I type this. I love all of the experiences I've been lucky enough to have in my lifetime. I feel like the luckiest person alive to have the family that I have and the friends that I have. We had fun of course at the amusement park, but Nat and I argued and fought the whole time. Nothing really bad, but it's just what we do. I think that's why we love each other so much. He's truly the best gay friend I have (boy). It started to rain at the park, so we ended up leaving about 5. Nat and I were in the car singing Spice Girls, Christina Aguilera, and Cyndi Lauper. Well, we all went to CiCi's Pizza at the Forum, and we all ate and joked around. We were all tired, but I think it was fun to sit around and eat together for the last time.
We stopped by my house on the way to drop Nat off because Jessica left him his money, and he said goodbye to my mom for the last time. I was dreading the ride back. All I could think about was not being able to see him or call him and what not anymore. It makes me cry, because I truly connected with him on a human level. We understand each other, and I feel like I've known him for more than many months. He really is like my 'sister', and we agreed that we must have been friends or even siblings in another life. When we finally got to his house, I was really sad. I went with him to the door were we hugged, and I told him to believe in himself and stay true to his dreams and that I loved him. He started crying and told me I was his first best friend, and that I was his Nicole. lol. That made me laugh. As we were talking, a really big airplane with beautiful white lights came near the sky over his house and I told him that it was a sign. He wasn't meant to live in Thailand for the rest of his life, and that I expected him to come back because he was really supposed to be an American. He laughed, and I told him to look at the stars. I told him that when he saw them at home to remember me, and that we had to look at them together again in New York. And that one day, we would be stars too. So I walked back to the car, but he told me he wanted to watch me go, and he wanted to make a video with his digicam, so he made one and I him to believe in himself again, and his dreams in the video, and that I loved him very much because he was my sister. I made him start crying becaue I told him I believed in him. He even got Christina to say goodbye in his video, haha. Well, we started driving away, and I started crying really bad. I don't think I've ever cried like that in front of one of my friends. Christina was like... aww. Haha, she didn't know what to say.
So now I'm home, and I'm very emotional. I was talking to Romina, and I just realize that you can't hold on to people or the things you love, because nothing is forever. Nothing will be forever, and everything ends or goes away or disappears eventually. All you ever really have are the memories and feelings. I can't say how much my life has changed. I finished high school, my closest friends are moving on with their lives, and I think I'm ready to do the same. I guess this is just a period of retrospection where I look back on all the things I loved and I will miss, and appreciate them for what they were.
I don't regret a single turn or a single thing that I have taken or done in my life. Everything has been a complete blessing, and for that, I can say that I'm incredibly fucking lucky.
Seriously? Just drop all the drama and bullshit. I can't stress enough how stupid, petty and retarded most of it is. That shit doesn't even matter. Today, I went with Christina and Nat to Fiesta Texas, for the second time this week to have fun with Christina and spend a day with Nat before he left back to Thailand. Hah, I can't stop crying about everything today. I'm actually crying as I type this. I love all of the experiences I've been lucky enough to have in my lifetime. I feel like the luckiest person alive to have the family that I have and the friends that I have. We had fun of course at the amusement park, but Nat and I argued and fought the whole time. Nothing really bad, but it's just what we do. I think that's why we love each other so much. He's truly the best gay friend I have (boy). It started to rain at the park, so we ended up leaving about 5. Nat and I were in the car singing Spice Girls, Christina Aguilera, and Cyndi Lauper. Well, we all went to CiCi's Pizza at the Forum, and we all ate and joked around. We were all tired, but I think it was fun to sit around and eat together for the last time.
We stopped by my house on the way to drop Nat off because Jessica left him his money, and he said goodbye to my mom for the last time. I was dreading the ride back. All I could think about was not being able to see him or call him and what not anymore. It makes me cry, because I truly connected with him on a human level. We understand each other, and I feel like I've known him for more than many months. He really is like my 'sister', and we agreed that we must have been friends or even siblings in another life. When we finally got to his house, I was really sad. I went with him to the door were we hugged, and I told him to believe in himself and stay true to his dreams and that I loved him. He started crying and told me I was his first best friend, and that I was his Nicole. lol. That made me laugh. As we were talking, a really big airplane with beautiful white lights came near the sky over his house and I told him that it was a sign. He wasn't meant to live in Thailand for the rest of his life, and that I expected him to come back because he was really supposed to be an American. He laughed, and I told him to look at the stars. I told him that when he saw them at home to remember me, and that we had to look at them together again in New York. And that one day, we would be stars too. So I walked back to the car, but he told me he wanted to watch me go, and he wanted to make a video with his digicam, so he made one and I him to believe in himself again, and his dreams in the video, and that I loved him very much because he was my sister. I made him start crying becaue I told him I believed in him. He even got Christina to say goodbye in his video, haha. Well, we started driving away, and I started crying really bad. I don't think I've ever cried like that in front of one of my friends. Christina was like... aww. Haha, she didn't know what to say.
So now I'm home, and I'm very emotional. I was talking to Romina, and I just realize that you can't hold on to people or the things you love, because nothing is forever. Nothing will be forever, and everything ends or goes away or disappears eventually. All you ever really have are the memories and feelings. I can't say how much my life has changed. I finished high school, my closest friends are moving on with their lives, and I think I'm ready to do the same. I guess this is just a period of retrospection where I look back on all the things I loved and I will miss, and appreciate them for what they were.
I don't regret a single turn or a single thing that I have taken or done in my life. Everything has been a complete blessing, and for that, I can say that I'm incredibly fucking lucky.