As Promised...

[mangoprophetess]

Appy and I have decided that Major League Soccer (heretofore: MLS) is going about their marketing strategy in totally the wrong way. Since its inception in 1993, MLS has be courting the Typical American Sports Fan (heretofore: TASF): 12-55 year old white straight men. Now, granted, that makes a certain amount of sense; start with the audience that already likes sports. Essentially, their thinking was, "Well, yes, TASFs already have baseball, football, basketball, and hockey (as well as golf, NASCAR, horse-racing, etc., etc., etc.), but these men should have room in their hearts for soccer, too, right?"

Wrong.

MLS has not caught on. Soccer, in general, just does not capture the attention of the TASF. Speculate all you want as to why (too European, too whiney, not enough scoring, "boring", they don't understand it, whatever), it's just not doing as well as it could. This is where Appy and I come in.

The key is to change the target audience. One of the main strategies of marketing is to find a niche demographic. Take television programming for example; gone (for the most part) are the days of creating programs that will appeal to as many people as possible. Instead, producers try to create programs that will get a very loyal audience that will keep the show on for a long time. When you have 500 channels on cable, it's no wonder this is now the case, but the same thing happens in radio as well (especially now with satellite). Along those lines, as well, comes the concept of counter-programming, putting on a program that will reach the audience alienated by a competitor's program (hence why Lifetime will play a bunch of romantic movies all day while the Superbowl is on, for example).

So, putting together the concept of finding a niche demographic and counterprogramming, we have concluded that the MLS should not try to court TASFs. Instead, they should go after two groups to whom major sports are currently not catered: Straight Women and Gay Men.

This is a good idea for many reasons. First of all, their current strategy is not working nearly as well as it could. I'm sorry to say, but MLS just doesn't strike the same chord over here that the English Premier League does in the U.K., and it probably never will. Unless the outlook is changed. By targeting MLS to women and gay men, you're going after about 50% of the population (as staight woman are about 45% and gay men are 10% of all men, therefore 5% of the whole population) right off the bat. While there are many gay men and straight woman who enjoy spectator sports (myself included), they are still dominated by TASFs. MLS could be their sport.

Now, why soccer? First of all, it's a great game, and it's not hard to understand. Unlike American football with it's many, many rules and regulations, soccer has only a few. Even those who haven't really ever watched the sport before can pick it up pretty quickly. But the more important reason lies in the fact that soccer players are damn hot. Granted, not all, but there are a hell of a lot who really, really are. Of course, there is the requisite David Beckham [England] (who has a rabid following in the gay community), but there's also Fredrik Ljungberg [Sweden] (who moonlights as a Calvin Kline underwear model), Michael Owen [England], my personal soccer crush Michael Ballack [Germany], Thierry Henry [France], Tim Cahill [Australia], Landon Donovan [USA], and so many others. And even if they don't have pretty faces, they all have amazing bodies. It is a prerequisite for the sport to have a gorgeous hard-body.

Which brings me to how to market this. Obviously, use your current resources. Advertise in women's (especially stuff like Women's Health and other more athletic oriented magazines) and gay magazines (The Advocate, Out, etc.) and on Lifetime and Logo. They might even consider showing games on Lifetime or Logo (MLS Match of the Week or something). But besides that, change the uniforms, namely by cutting them in half. Have the hot soccer players play with just their shorts on! They already take jerseys off at the end of the match to trade with their opponents; why not keep that up the whole match through like in beach volleyball (weather permitting, of course)? Sex sells, people, and the objectification of men does not happen at nearly the same frequency as that of women. Use body paint to designate teams, numbers, and names on players' backs.

Now, you might say, "But, won't the players object to being, more-or-less, pieces of meat, especially if they are being targetting to gay men?" Possibly, but, remember, we're targetting women, too. Seeing as most of the people I know who like soccer are women anyway, I think the lure of hot half-naked men will get a good number of X chromosomes in there, too (thus, lots of soccer groupies). Besides, if this works, their paychecks will be quite improved, so at least they'll be able to buy a new car/boat/small Bahaman island to soothe their wounded manhood.

And, if that doesn't work, Hispanics are now the largest minority group in the United States, and they don't all like baseball, either. ;)

Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, but because it is awesome - Celebrity Deathmatch: Bono v. Chris Martin