Convocation: The Update
Alrighty, so, went to Con this past weekend (almost a week ago, actually- damn!). And it was really thoroughly enjoyable. I remembered as soon as I got there why I'd been looking forward to it so much. Besides the chance to get to know GS better in general. It's because it's the only place I've ever been where I really felt like I was a part of the group, like I belonged there and no one was going to question that. I've always been one to stick out and not quite blend, for one reason or another, my whole life. And it's just nice to feel like part of something rather than just an individual sometimes. It's what I miss about band, actually...knowing that while the individual sound of my instrument was important, it was its contribution to the whole that was really noticed.
The best part was the late nights of talking and watching, though. I have a better feel for how Green Spiral fits together now and how I fit into it. Which is always important.
Strange how it turned out to be a "Green Spiral Survivor" weekend. Started with twelve signed up, and six of them were left come Saturday afternoon.
Stalked the hell out of the OTO, though I feel bad I missed two of their things just because I needed time to sleep. And the ritual, because I'm generally not comfortable doing ritual with people I don't know from Jack. I'd love to get to one of the Gnostic masses...but I'd have to time it with a weekend I was visiting Chris anyway or something. Can't justify that long of a trip for mere curiosity's sake. I could if it didn't shake me so badly to drive, but as I am, not happening. Of course, if someone else wanted to drive, hell yes I'd go.
Which reminds me...one of the little things that made me happy this weekend was that Teresa talked to me. I know, this sounds ridiculous and strange to people not in my head, and I can't really explain it well, so ridiculous it will remain, I suppose. I get the general feeling we're very much alike, but don't really have much if any evidence for it.
And Chris was there the whole weekend, too. It was great to see him relaxed and happy for most of it. He hasn't been well at all since the ASMSU crap started, and it's only going downhill as he distances himself from his resignation. I don't understand why he can't just accept that it's over and start to pick up the pieces. It's been more than a week.
That's not entirely true- I do understand. It's because he needs to analyze everything, to pore over it until it fits into some sort of pattern in his head or makes some kind of sense, and in this case, it doesn't, so he can't let go. Or just isn't letting go.
I know it meant a lot to him...I do. Probably better than anyone, save Chris himself. But over and over I keep putting myself in his shoes, and over and over I get the same result: putting it behind me to continue on with the rest of my life.
*sigh* It'd help if I had someplace to talk about it, too. Nobody seems to really realize how much I've been suffering beside him. And few have bothered to sincerely ask. I think maybe one, actually. When I care about a person, their pains are my own.
Ugh...being sick is messing with my thought pattern. I can't seem to concentrate long enough to stay on Con. Whatever.
The best part was the late nights of talking and watching, though. I have a better feel for how Green Spiral fits together now and how I fit into it. Which is always important.
Strange how it turned out to be a "Green Spiral Survivor" weekend. Started with twelve signed up, and six of them were left come Saturday afternoon.
Stalked the hell out of the OTO, though I feel bad I missed two of their things just because I needed time to sleep. And the ritual, because I'm generally not comfortable doing ritual with people I don't know from Jack. I'd love to get to one of the Gnostic masses...but I'd have to time it with a weekend I was visiting Chris anyway or something. Can't justify that long of a trip for mere curiosity's sake. I could if it didn't shake me so badly to drive, but as I am, not happening. Of course, if someone else wanted to drive, hell yes I'd go.
Which reminds me...one of the little things that made me happy this weekend was that Teresa talked to me. I know, this sounds ridiculous and strange to people not in my head, and I can't really explain it well, so ridiculous it will remain, I suppose. I get the general feeling we're very much alike, but don't really have much if any evidence for it.
And Chris was there the whole weekend, too. It was great to see him relaxed and happy for most of it. He hasn't been well at all since the ASMSU crap started, and it's only going downhill as he distances himself from his resignation. I don't understand why he can't just accept that it's over and start to pick up the pieces. It's been more than a week.
That's not entirely true- I do understand. It's because he needs to analyze everything, to pore over it until it fits into some sort of pattern in his head or makes some kind of sense, and in this case, it doesn't, so he can't let go. Or just isn't letting go.
I know it meant a lot to him...I do. Probably better than anyone, save Chris himself. But over and over I keep putting myself in his shoes, and over and over I get the same result: putting it behind me to continue on with the rest of my life.
*sigh* It'd help if I had someplace to talk about it, too. Nobody seems to really realize how much I've been suffering beside him. And few have bothered to sincerely ask. I think maybe one, actually. When I care about a person, their pains are my own.
Ugh...being sick is messing with my thought pattern. I can't seem to concentrate long enough to stay on Con. Whatever.