(no subject)
I haven't updated this thing in like..... twelve years. Not that i think anyone is reading it, which i suppose is good. i hate everything about school. I no longer have an ties to the high school or any people there. i'm tired always and i feel like its not worth it to try. i shouldve made friends with people in my class when i was a freshman, this all woulve been so uch easier if that was the case. i want graduation to come like now... i want to be happy and have everything in order
i love being given nice things.. and lately i have been given a good amount of nice things. i've adopted a lifestyle and taste that i cant currently afford. my attitude towards money has taken a complete left turn. i know im going to need a great job to support how i want to live in the future. at least i realize that right? as of right now i work as often as im asked, if i could work a 9-5 five days a week i would do it in a second. i love working because i love getting my paycheck at the end of the week. having you're shit together is the best feeling in the world. being able to buy what i want because i have the means to do so... feels amazing. but i havent been able to do that in forever. i drained my bank account this summer by not working and now that my jobs have started again the schedules are so random that i cant count on anything to be a stable source of income. im currently nonnie-sitting. making 11 dollars an hour.. sitting on this computer updating my livejournal while my neighbors mother sleeps soundly in the other room. i just want my stuff in order and my account bumping again so i can feel at ease. when volleyball ends i think i'll feel better because i'll be working more for suzette and i'll be working non stop for park and rec. thats when the checks will really start coming, but for now i need to chill with the spending. my cellphone is eligible for an upgrade and i'd buy it tomorrow but i dont have the money to pay for my insurance gas and a new expensive cell phone. i've never had so little money to my name before, its a horrible feeling. i think thats part of the reason why i dont want to go to college, i hate being in debt and i hate living like im in debt. i've always been really great with money and its horrible but the lower my bank account gets the more i convince myself i can still spend money. it makes NO sense. when i had the money i would cringe to spend it, but now that i dont im like "oh but im getting a check next week!" i do not. not not. want this to be my new attitude. i never want that to be my attitude. i think being able to pay for things on your own feels really good and im so glad my parents made sure thats how i feel otherwise who knows where i would be right now.
this entire entry is about money, hahah it plauges my mind. oh well its better than ignoring it all together. well its about time to go home now its been weird updating