(no subject)
Well after years and years of bitching how I wanted a normal life, I have succeeded in acquiring one. Even without realizing it at first. I got a job, a car, I went to school, I made lots of friends that I have lots in common with, that I hang out with. I became more outgoing and personable. But then I realized, that kind of life wasn't all it was cracked up to be. It's funny how you can want something so much for so long and then when you get it you find out that's not what's for you,
It's also funny how much I flip flop on my life. "I don't wanna do this, I don't wanna do that." Well what the hell do I wanna do then? Sometimes I feel stranded in the hands of fate. Not knowing what will happen to me. At this point now though, I've grown to hate my normal life. I want an escape. I always want an escape to go back to how things used to be. But you can never regain your past I've learned. It's never the same. No matter what I do I can never get that back. So I decided I should stop trying. I need to move forward, But I can't unless I leave the past behind. My current plan is to quit my job, get away from that lifestyle. I made the mistake in going back there in December hoping I could regain the past and good times. It wasn't the same. Things are in a constant state of change. I guess all I can do is move forward and leave all that behind me. Not forgetting those good times, but treating them as a part of my past that I enjoyed instead of living in the past forever and corrupting those good times with the present bad ones.
For instance you guys saved my life when I was 15. I had no one, coming online into Wizard Press and being a part of your group was so beneficial to my life. That aspect of my life doesn't exist anymore. Sometimes I come online and wish I could talk to you all. But I know that can't and won't happen anymore. But I still cherish all that time. I have to come to terms with things like that and move forward. Do what I know I should have been doing. Stop flip flopping on bullshit issues that don't really matter in the end. Do something worthwhile before I lose the opportunity to do so. I hope you all can do the same.
It's also funny how much I flip flop on my life. "I don't wanna do this, I don't wanna do that." Well what the hell do I wanna do then? Sometimes I feel stranded in the hands of fate. Not knowing what will happen to me. At this point now though, I've grown to hate my normal life. I want an escape. I always want an escape to go back to how things used to be. But you can never regain your past I've learned. It's never the same. No matter what I do I can never get that back. So I decided I should stop trying. I need to move forward, But I can't unless I leave the past behind. My current plan is to quit my job, get away from that lifestyle. I made the mistake in going back there in December hoping I could regain the past and good times. It wasn't the same. Things are in a constant state of change. I guess all I can do is move forward and leave all that behind me. Not forgetting those good times, but treating them as a part of my past that I enjoyed instead of living in the past forever and corrupting those good times with the present bad ones.
For instance you guys saved my life when I was 15. I had no one, coming online into Wizard Press and being a part of your group was so beneficial to my life. That aspect of my life doesn't exist anymore. Sometimes I come online and wish I could talk to you all. But I know that can't and won't happen anymore. But I still cherish all that time. I have to come to terms with things like that and move forward. Do what I know I should have been doing. Stop flip flopping on bullshit issues that don't really matter in the end. Do something worthwhile before I lose the opportunity to do so. I hope you all can do the same.