Loving Desperation (1/1)
Title: Loving Desperation
Characters: Sam/Gabriel
Rating: T
Warning: au, angst, dark, mentions of torture
Words: 584
Summary: Gabriel buried his head in shame. My own brothers, who I gave up and was ready forget, while they are screaming for mercy.
I will try not to burden you
I can hold these inside. I will hold my breath
Until all these shivers subside,
Just look in my eyes
"Why to you pity them?", Gabriel asked. "They don't deserve it."
"Probably", Sam answered and suppressed a violent shiver as he remembered the cage. Michael's tormented screams. Lucifer's endless whimpers. "But it kept me human. Without the knowledge that Michael and Lucifer were just as helpless and undeserving of this place as I was, I would lost any ability to feel. I would have turned into a demon far worse than anything else hell has produced so far."
"You wouldn't have," Gabriel insisted carefully, "turned into a demon."
He raised his hand and grasped Sam around the neck to pull him closer until Gabriel was able to rest their foreheads against each other. It turned his wings into knots, to think he could have lost Sam in the worst possible way there was. Not to Death, but twisted cruelty.
"Never. Not you," Gabriel whispered and graced Sam's lips with his own mouth, trying not to remember he had said the same thing about Lucifer once.
Sam touched Gabriel's soft lips and claimed them intimately. The kiss deepened, when an electric touch sparked between them. Slowly Sam's dread ad Gabriel's anxiety burned away under their warm, erratic breaths.
"Still," Sam said, when they broke apart, "I would have been a demon, hadn't you saved me in time. Not much longer and I would have hated to world, which couldn't save me after I had saved it."
Raw emotions clawed into Sam's heart and Gabriel could see the pain inside Sam's soul. His memories of hell opened window for the archangel and Sam's eyes reflected the torment of every single soul in hell.
Every soul ... Gabriel grasped Sam's shirt and dragged him closer.
Sam tried to express his troubled feelings towards two beings, he confide in, but everyone else condemned.
"Gabriel, they are..." ... able to understand.
"Shh", Gabriel silenced Sam's doubts. He held his love, whispering when the hunter shivered. "It's okay, Sam. I understand. I was wrong to believe hell wouldn't effect my brothers. That they would be above pain and love. Or that they didn't pay for their sins already, far worse than the world believes they deserve."
Gabriel hoped he had finally lifted the worst of Sam's burden. Slowly he pressed his lover on his back and said: "Please don't try to hate someone, when you wish to meet him with mercy and forgiveness."
Sam finally relaxed and Gabriel watches slip his lover back into sleep. This time without feeling guilty for not defending two people he had come to love in the darkest of all hours.
My brothers. Gabriel buried his head in shame. My own brothers, who I gave up and was ready forget, while they are screaming for mercy.
For a moment Gabriel forgot to breath, when his control over his grace slipped and it pulsed violently, rejecting the thought of deliberate cruelty. He didn't know, he told himself. He didn't know the cage was design to torture its prisoners in a way that even archangels would break under it.
I didn't know, he wanted to scream at Michael and Lucifer, who he had actually seen in Sam's memories for the first in a very long time. Truly them, not hidden behind the mask of a vessel. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I never wanted you to suffer like this. I'm sorry
Silently, with Sam peacefully sleeping next to him, Gabriel lost himself in love and desperation, because he missed his beloved brothers and wasn't able to save them.