Breath and come back again (1/1)
Title: Breath and come back again
Author: mangacrack
Pairings: Castiel/Sam
Rating: PG
Spoilers: after 5x22, none for season 6
Warning: Angst, Sam returns!fic, future fic, unbetated
Count: 1542 words
A./N.: Written for sassy_otp “little abominations” … just with a bit less Sam/Castiel than I intended … but since this could be the first of a series, it might as well still change. Depends on if you like this stuff or not.
Summary: “Fly with me then”, Castiel answered and offered Sam the one hand, which wasn't resting still on his shoulder.
The air was cold and damp, when Sam draw his first breath in a very long time. For a moment he just stayed where he was, feeling the dark heavy earth under him and the wet grass between his fingers.
Slowly he curled them, with his eyes still closed, just to be sure it was real and not a dream.
But it was less likely that it was. Drizzling rain touched his face, the wind made him shiver to a point it reminded him that this place was uncomfortable and he could hear leaves of the nearby trees rustling in his ears.
Sam opened his eyes and when he stared into the grey sky, overcast with storm clouds, he knew he was back.
Back on earth.
Not in hell with it's ever burning flames surrounded by demons and monsters, in the dark empty void which not even to fighting archangels could fill or in the shady intangible realms between life and death.
I'm back, Sam realised when he tried to sit up and was reminded of the earth unique sensation called gravity. I'm back on earth.
“Indeed, Samuel Winchester. You are”, a voice said right next to him.
Sam turned his head and was already half way into a proper defence stance despite his long hiatus to the laws of physic, which ruled life and reality on earth more than anything else could claim it did. But familiar blue eyes let him relax instantly and Sam lowered his hand. The angel named Castiel was cowering on a root, which descended from a huge tree was currently Sam's meagre protection against the storm which was raging around them.
Sam's in hell honed intuition told him not all of it had a natural cause. He could still feel lingering grace in the air and how the elements were rearranging themselves, after they had been disturbed in a huge manner. It felt like a doorway was closing and Sam didn't have to look in order to know the crossing had been recent.
“It's a remnant of my latest action”, Castiel answered his silent wondering.
The Winchester looked at the angel, who's face was immovable like Sam remembered it, but the blazing blue eyes were a huge give away and he could sense the shifting grace in the vessel named Jimmy Novak and it told him much.
Castiel was enjoyed to see him.
On the edge of his vision Sam could see a pair of wings spread out in a greeting, protecting them also from unwanted eyes. The other four wings had wrapped themselves around Castiel and took form in the similar trenchcoat. In fact, it was almost more difficult to see the clothing than the wings themselves. It had something of a double vision since his eyes were readjusting to the solid side of reality.
A thought rushed trough his mind, but it was gone before Sam could grasp it.
“Castiel, I...”, he tried to say, but a steady hand on his shoulder kept him from falling.
It was unusual to feel the would spin around itself again and for a moment Sam wasn't sure if he could stand it.
“Easy, Sam”, the angels rough voice told him and when the hand on his shoulder squeezed him slightly, but gentle enough, Sam could feel how the feeling moved away again. “You've to get used to the world of living again.”
“I was born here”, Sam mumbled like it was a remembrance of something old and almost forgotten. “It shouldn't matter. I should be able to stand it.”
“Don't rush yourself”, Castiel said and Sam felt wings touching him, holding him and acting as a filter for reality. “You spent eternities in the side worlds. Wherever Lucifer went, you followed and he was able to go anywhere but here.”
Pictures were rushing in front of Sam's eyes.
Feelings of the archangel in his soul, sensations of other wings burrowing themselves into something what felt like his own grace after such a long time, emotions of joy and glee to discover the blasted cage had crumbled when he escaped from it, thoughts of that he could live with not being able to go back to world of living, if he remained free instead to go where it pleased him...
“I … I was … with him”, Sam tried to say and order his thoughts. “We weren't … trapped. Just myself at first and after a time it was just easier to go along with him. With every year I spent with him, it got easier. More pleasant.”
“I don't blame you”, Castiel said. “It will take time for you to able to separate yourself from Lucifer, but since I was met with less resistance when I acquired you then I anticipated in the first place, I suspected you'll be able to live in this world again.”
Memories were starting to resurface again, hindering Sam to see beyond the little piece of undisturbed nature where Castiel had brought them. His soul, his mind and his body seemed to be intact, but not balanced enough to deal with the world around him. Breathing alone was an effort since it had been ages since he had to do in order survive. Other things like thirst, hunger or coldness he couldn't even think about, yet it was a requirement to deal with them, when one was visiting (living! Sam corrected himself) in this world.
“How...?”, Sam tried to ask and he hoped Castiel understood, because pressure on his rips made it difficult for him to articulate.
“Don't try to put it in words, Sam”, Castiel advised the Winchester, he had brought back. “You won't be able to. The otherworlds are to be visited by thoughts, mind or soul. This one is tied your body. You're here, but you aren't entirely back yet.”
Yes, Sam thought. That's the phrase I was looking for. I'm here on earth again, but my mind is still partly tied to the realms beyond.
Not heaven, though. That one hadn't been visited the morningstar. Just touched it borders, when it had brought the protector back. It had been a long, pleasant journey of mending wounds and Sam briefly remembered saying farewell to Adam.
His brother.
Adam had long earned that name, after the centuries they had spent together. Yet there was something. Something else. Adam was not the only one with that name.
There was another one he called brother...
“Dean...”, Sam rasped and almost choked on the air he was breathing. “Dean!”
The word felt like a earthquake in his mind. It shook and rattled on everything, what he had kept to himself, what he had able to save when the morningstar took over and them both were entering another world, leaving the living behind forever.
Sam was sitting in the rain under the huge, dark tree on the sloppy grass and tried not to fall apart, when someone - Castiel - called him.
“Sam!”, the angel said and used the name like a summon. “Sam, come back. Breath and come back.”
With that lead telling him what he had to do, Sam inhaled and his lungs expanded under his rips and when he was breathing out, Dean had a place in his existence again, regardless of the possibility that Dean Winchester was probably long dead already. A few minutes Sam said nothing, just tried to do what felt right, because he didn't want to forget how to breath again.
Yet he was only able to it, because he felt Castiel's strong hand on his shoulder, grounding him. Castiel's presence in his mind acted like a compass, something he could use as pointer to arrange his thoughts and the things he felt and saw in way, which harmonized with the deep heartbeat of the living world.
A world Sam knew he longer belonged, but was able to walk in because he had been born here. Even if it had been a long, long time ago. Because the concept of time only existed on earth.
“Castiel...” The name touched his lips like sweet honey.
Sam looked at the angel, who had searched for him, found him even and set him free in a own body. The angel, who couldn't keep his mind out of Sam thoughts, when they were so close still and again. Still, since Castiel brought him back, carried Sam through the strong borders into the world of living after he had meticulous separated Sam Winchester from the morningstar with a long standing patience and again because Sam distinctly remembered how he had been defended by the angel, when the world came apart around them.
The world, which fell apart but survived and set itself back together, because Sam had jumped.
The word, which had allowed the angel to bring Sam Winchester back to make them both smile again.
“I would like to thank you”, Sam said and was truly at ease for the first in a very long time.
“Fly with me then”, Castiel answered and offered Sam the one hand, which wasn't resting still on his shaking shoulder.
Sam took the angels hand, knowing after spending such a long time with the morningstar that 'fly with me' either meant 'fight at my side' or was a offer to love and to be loved. But he wouldn't mind doing both as long as it involved Castiel.