Memories...
For the past 20 mins. I have been reading old entries, and all I can say is wow, I look back on this summer and so many thoughts have crossed my mind... I had some good times, haha, but I noticed reading those how incomplete everything seemed, and how everything was so care free! I must say I had a great summer with my girls sierra and olivia! But through all the fun times I always felt like something was wrong something wasnt there, but I pushed it aside to just have a good time. Then I kept reading from the random crushes and I think what the hell was I doing? but I guess you have to experience things and new people to know where you should be. But once again I kept reading and I got back to me and Joshs relationship last year @ this time, and everything between us was amazing and perfect and I felt so complete, then everything went down hilL for us, why? i dunno? why we even said goodbye I dunno? Readin those entries made me feel like I just walked out of heaven, I know me and him have both made some mistakes while we were broke up, but for some reason my heart won't let go of those things no matter how hard I try, but I think its because I have built a huge walL from the previous relationship before Josh. I built a huge wall and told myself I would never go back to those feelings and I will never let myself put myself in those situations again, I cant say that I have done that again but I do remember this from somewhere, and it scares me to death. At the same time, those mistakes and those funfilled nights was something I wanted, and being apart from Josh during that time and looking him in the eyes now I realize he was everything I was missing and he is everything that makes me complete. I love him more than anything and things between us are amazing untiL my heart thinks about that walL and all the pain and I just want to run away from him and hide my heart from the him. I know we all make mistakes and I know we all do retarted things and Love always seem to concern those problems, but I just dont know how to put that wall back down! Dont get me wrong this is exactly where I want to be, but these thoughts keep coming in my mind and I dont know to fight them and just let everything be, and let me and him be *me&him* and forget everything that has happened, but its so much harder to do than to say! I can honestly say im trying but maybe im going the wrong way about it... All I know is I Love Him more than anything and I will do anything to get things back to the way they were!