crying my heart outt
So today I said good-bye to Blake for the last time as a couple. He leaves to MA tomorro... GOd, am i so fucking sad... i didnt want to cry in front of him so i kept trying to hold it all in, but when i went on the train i just broke down and started sobbing in my bag so that no 1 cood see me. (im shy) then i cried when i was at chrissys house, again and again and again. i started to cry when i was talking to blake on the phone...so i said i had to go. i dont know why im so sad now. im crying now as im typing. OMG sum1 help me im so depressed right now. i dont think ive ever cried this much for a guy. but i care so much about him, and i loved the speical connection we as a couple had. i dont want to let him go.. but then again it is good that this is the way it ends, not cuz we got bored of eachother or because sum1 fucked up. i know ill get over it, but not right now. im still gonna chill at his house with his sissa and mommy, but im afraid that im going to break down crying in that house,- like i am now,- sleeping on his bed, standing in his room, or just sitting on their couch. i didnt really take advantage of the time we spent together, and i wished i did. last night and today i saw him in a completly different way. i dont know how... but i did. and whenever he calls me "baby" by accident he goes "i mean...jasmine" so its like...OK, THNX... i dont know, im just hurting now. i dont know what im talking about. he taught me out to skip stones hick-style. heheh- we had fun together, ide like to think. ive always been somewhat jelous of his other frends because he has more fun with them, and acts like himself. he told me himself that he doesnt act like himself all the time with me, and he has to censor himself wen he talks to me... ? well, now i noe he will since im like..one of his frends noe. how dus he make enough time for his frends-he has so many. we have a lot of unfinished business we can prolly du as frends now. ill try to hold back my tears. i dont want to look like a pussy, now do i?
im gonna miss him so much.
im gonna miss him so much.