Sarange Ch. 30
Chapter 30.
Ow, ow, ow.
I woke out of a dead sleep with the sudden urge to piss like a race horse. The glaring red "3:00 am" from the clock beside the bed, burned into my eyelids. I sat up slowly, rubbing my back from the pain. I was still having bullshit contractions, but per my doctor, unless they got stronger or closer together, they weren't anything to worry about. Dragging my feet to the bathroom, I did my business and washed my hands. As I leaned over to flush, I noticed this blob floating in the water. Immediately, I knew what it was and ran to get my phone. I dialed Vickie's number, but I had to leave a message. I wanted to scream into the phone because she didn't answer, but all I could do was tell her that I was pretty much going into labor and to call me back before I had to charge a taxi ride to her credit card. After hanging up, I sent Nae a message on Kakao telling her the same thing. Her reply was immediate.
3:12am Nae "Are you sure this time?"
"yea, im positive.. is it too late to change my mind?" 3:21am
3:22am Nae "Is Vickie taking you to the hospital?"
"if she'll ever call back. im just gonna get a taxi" 3:25am
3:25am Nae "Absolutely not. Call Sean."
"i dont wanna bother him" 3:28am
3:26am Nae "FUCKIN DO IT!"
"fine but i hate you" 3:29am
3:30am Nae "I'm booking my flight. I'll be there asap."
Gritting my teeth, I looked up Sean's number in my phone and pressed call. Laying back on the bed, I gripped my stomach and tried to breath calmly as the phone rang. Suddenly loud music and people laughing burst through the phone. Groaning in frustration, I hung up and called the front desk from the room phone to hail a cab. Getting dressed, I placed a watch on my wrist to time the contractions, pulled my hair up in a ponytail and grabbed my hospital suitcase, that I had packed last week, on the way downstairs to the lobby. The desk clerk had me sit in his chair while I waited to be picked up. A few seconds later, who else, but Sean, came bursting through the door with his jacket half on and panting like an idiot.
I didn't even get a hello. "What's wrong," he demanded.
"Nothing. What are you doing here?"
"You called me and didn't say anything and then I heard you groan before you hung up. Since you didn't pick up when I called back, I figured something was wrong."
"I'm fine. Go back to your party." I bit my lip to keep from verbalizing the pain I was in so that he would leave when the clerk said that my taxi was ready to take me to the hospital.
"Are you going into labor? Where's your aunt? And why are you taking a taxi?"
Rolling my eyes, I slowly got to my feet, picking up my luggage only to have it ripped from my hand and my wrist grabbed before Sean pulled me after him out the door.
"What are you doing? Let go of me. My taxi is here." When he refused to turn around and look at me, I stopped walking and almost fell down before he stopped. Turning to look at me, I could tell he was angry. Taking a step back, I leaned against the wall to put some distance between us, but also for support as I felt a sharp pain stab through my stomach. I cried out and doubled over, trying to rub away the sting. I was terrified. I didn't know if this was normal and I looked up at him, begging him to do something. With a strength that I didn't know he had, he picked me up and carried me two blocks to where his car was parked.
When we got to the hospital, I was in the middle of a rather strong contraction. It hurt but not to the point that I couldn’t concentrate. Thankfully, I hadn't experienced any more like the one before. I knew from talking to my doctor and random women on the street who could smell the first-time-mother fear on me that I was going to wanna rip my skin open and tear the kid out myself before it was over. Funny, but I always thought they were joking. Thankfully, they also gave me tips to ease the pain. Looking down at the watch, I noted that it lasted about fifty-two seconds. If my timing was right, I had about five minutes before it would start again.
I was soon wheeled off down the hall to a labor and delivery room while they mistook Sean for my husband and gave him some forms to fill out. The nurse’s assistant told me to put on the typical hospital gown and get comfortable while they filled out my chart. Yea, like that was gonna happen. Wanting to prolong my vajayjay’s debut as much as possible, I went to the bathroom to get all gussied up in my gown. I had been to the ob/gyn too many times to count so I felt comfortable with her. But these people were totally new to me and I was about to get spread-eagle in front of them all. I couldn’t help but cringe at the thought. Feeling another contraction coming, I had to sit down and grip my stomach to count it out. It was a few seconds afterward before I got to my feet and cover my goods.
As soon as I came out, I had to answer non-stop questions: when I last ate or drank anything; did I have a birth plan or plan to use any medications. By the time my aunt finally got there, I was ready to walk out and have my baby at home in the bathtub. I felt like a pin cushion. They checked my blood pressure and temperature, took a blood sample, hooked me up to an IV and put an internal heart rate monitor up my yahoo to get a more accurate reading of the baby’s stress level because they couldn't get a good reading on the external monitor. As if I weren’t uncomfortable enough having a 6lb bowling ball continuously feeling like it’s about to fall out of my uterus. I said a sarcastic thank you to technology for raping my dignity with its ill-placed gadgets.
Vickie was unpacking a couple of things from my bag to make the room seem more comfortable when I noticed she had a camera in her hand.
“Do you want to film something before you turn into a birthing mother and self-combust,” Vickie asked me with a smile, waving the new camcorder she had purchased for my discomfort.
“Ah, is the daddy not going to be able to make it,” one of the trainees asked me. I was hesitant to answer. Vickie, being the ever-perceptive aunt that she is, averted the question.
“Yes, well it’s complicated. Let’s get you in bed, Shevaun, so you’ll be more comfortable and we’ll get this part over with.”
I got up from the chair and waddled over to the bed. After I was situated and presentable, my aunt stepped back and pointed the camera at me.
“Annnd.. action.” I rolled my eyes at her for being completely lame.
Clearing my throat, I tried to think of something witty. "Changmin-ah. It’s me. The mother of your extremely big-headed child that has decided today is the day to come out and join the world. At this point, I’m very sick of hospitals and doctors and people that have no concept of personal space that enjoy molesting my stomach like it belongs to them. I’m very glad that this will all be over after today and I can rejoice that my body will once again belong to me-”
Vickie cut me off, “Are you going to be a smart-ass the whole time or are you going to give him something real?”
“I’m having his fucking kid; that’s real enough, isn’t it?.. Don’t look at me like that; you know I hate talking about this stuff.. Fine!” Why does she always have to call me out like that? As if my life wasn’t hard enough, I had to deal with her constant nagging about being a grown up and doing the right thing all the time. I got it, Lady, now get off my back! It took me a minute to collect my thoughts, not to mention breathe through another contraction. I didn’t really know what I wanted to say so I said the first thing that came to mind. “Well the sex was great. I’m not feeling so good about it right now though.. Look, I know that you not being here right now was my own choice.. I know that. If things had been different, I bet you would have been over the moon right now. Honestly, you’re the only person that I actually want here, but I’m stuck with this person holding a camera in my face. I’m not gonna lie. I’m.. pretty scared at the moment. I just feel like something will go wrong. I’m really sorry that I had to leave like I did. It was definitely not my coolest moment but I didn’t know what else to do at the time. I should have come to you and told you what was going on, but I didn’t wanna trap you. You had so much left to do and I knew that if you found out, you would’ve felt obligated to be by my side. Not that you wouldn’t have done it and been a fantastic dad, but later on, you probably would have regretted it and that would kill me so I did the only thing I could think of. I want you to know I’m gonna love him everyday, unconditionally, and I’ll tell him everything about you when he’s old enough to understand. My hope is that by the time he comes to look for you, I will have had time to explain everything and you can forgive me enough to accept him, but maybe that’s too much to ask; I don’t know," sighing deeply, I looked at Vickie, "Can you turn it off now? I don’t wanna talk anymore.”
“Sure, but when the action starts I’m turning it back on.”
“Why do you hate me?”
A few hours later, I wasn’t as dilated as I should be so I took to walking the delivery wing. Wearing two gowns, one covering the front and one covering the back, I pushed the mobile IV up and down the hall. The walking eased the pain, and was supposed to progress the labor along. Fine by me; I just wanted this to be over with. Between the dull, rolling ache from my back to my abdomen and the constant feeling of having to pee, I was going insane. I held my nails up towards the florescent lights and cursed their dull edges. Making my way back to my room, I passed the nursery. There were a few babies inside, ones that needed special care or were not able to be with their mothers for one reason or another. Most babies were kept in the room with the mother at this particular hospital so I couldn’t help but wonder and worry why they were there.
Vickie had gone down to the cafeteria to get some coffee a while ago. She was probably on a phone conference with all of her friends explaining my “progress” or lack thereof. Crawling into bed, I tried to get comfortable. I was tired already and I hadn’t even gotten to the hard part. My iPod was sitting on the night table next to my bed. I picked it up and searched for a song that would relax me enough to get some sleep. I smiled when I located a song that I had almost forgotten about, putting it on repeat as o closed my eyes to the voice of Changmin singing Eunhasoo.
I was laying on my side trying to get some sleep when I gripped the metal railing of the bed to keep from crying out. Shutting my eyes tightly to the point of seeing spots on the back of my eyelids, I tried to remember the breathing techniques that were supposed to help ease the pain.
“Owww, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!” Contractions are no fuckin’ joke. I would take my period cramps times a hundred any day over this.
“That was a good one, Shevaun. They are coming closer together now. It won’t be long before you can start pushing. Aren’t you excited?! You’re about to meet your little boy!”
Oh please. Like this is fun. I wanted to punch her. Why are delivery nurses so damn happy? Oh right, because they aren’t the ones trying to squeeze a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon. My relaxation practices were becoming ineffective and I wanted something to stop the pain for a while. When I told her without a doubt in my mind that I needed drugs, she smiled at me and said she would take care of it. Granted, I had to wait for her to check to make sure I was dilated enough to get one; I accepted the fact that this was a prerequisite for relief.
When the anaesthesiologist came with his tray-o-goodies, I couldn’t quite contain my excitement. I was about to be pain-free. That was until I saw the size of the needle he was about to stab me in the back with. I was scared shitless until I felt another contraction and said to hell with it. Vickie came running through the door with her camera in hand ready to shoot. When she noticed everyone staring at her, she put it away and walked over to take the place of the nurse in front of me. I probably should have called her instead of having the hospital page her, but it was a lot more fun seeing her freak out. Leaning over the mound of pillows in my lap, I squeezed her hands as he inserted the needle in my back to place the tiny tube and tape it in place. A small pinch my ass. It fuckin' hurt! It didn’t take long for the medication to take the edge off. After talking to the anaesthesiologist about my options, I decided to go with a walking epidural so that I could still move around on my own.
I was going crazy. I had been at the hospital for eight hours already and I wasn’t even pushing yet. My OB had already broken my water a few hours ago and gave me Pitocin to speed things up but it seemed Lil B was stalling. I was about to ask Vickie to get me some ice when one of the machines starting going off next to me. I could feel my stomach contracting but I couldn’t tell if anything was wrong because of the medication. The nurse came in and checked the print out from the baby monitor before paging my doctor. When she came in, I couldn't help but bombard her with questions.
“What’s going on? Is there something wrong with the baby? Why can't I start pushing yet?”
“Shevaun, the baby’s heart rate has dropped. That coupled with the fact that your labor is stalled doesn’t look good. If his heart rate doesn’t go back up in the next few minutes, we’re going to need to do a Cesarean. I know that’s not what we talked about, but if we wait, it could be dangerous for you both. The nurse is going to bring you a form to sign, okay?”
“Will he be okay?”
“Right now, we’re just going to wait and see. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you're both fine so try not to worry, okay?”
“Yea.. Right.”
Laying back, I watched as my aunt left with the doctor. Never a good sign when my aunt wants a private word. I tried taking deep breaths to slow my heart rate so that Baby would calm down. Vickie came back in a couple minutes later with the consent form for me to sign. I was confused. I felt disappointed that I couldn’t stick to my birth plan but there was nothing I could do about it. After a few minutes, a group of nurses came into the room unhooking monitors and raising the bars beside the bed. As I was being wheeled down the hall to an operating room, it hit me. I was going to be a mother. I was going to have to hold and take care of a person that would rely solely on me. I flipped my shit.
“Vickie.. Vickie?!”
“I’m right here.” She reached out to hold my hand, but I pulled away from her.
“Vickie, I don’t wanna do this. I’m not ready. Can you have them take me back? I wanna go back to my room. I don’t want them to cut me open! I’m not ready for any of this. I just want Changmin.. Please.. I just wanna go home.” I started to pull at the IV in my arm when one of the nurses held me down so I wouldn’t hurt myself. There is nothing scarier than being restrained and all I could do was scream and thrash from side to side to get him off me. Suddenly, I felt very heavy. Like I was being held down by the weight of my own body. I tried to lift my arm, but it wouldn't budge and my eyes wouldn't stay open.
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A/N: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! She finally had the baby! :o This chapter is so freaking long.. jeezusss. I wrote most of it forever ago so I had to go back and work everything in so that it flows somewhat naturally. I was excited to get this chapter over with. I'm interested to see what kind of mother she'll turn out to be, aren't you? Anyways, hope you enjoy. I'll get to work on the next chapter after my Korean homework is done so maybe it won't take as long for the next one. :D
If you want to hear the song Shevaun listened to click here
I recently got back from NY Korean Festival where I finally got to see HoMin and it's made me think about this story a lot and what should happen next. Sort of a renewal of interest you might say. Even though I couldn't see DB5K, I can at least say that I've seen JYJ & TVX2.
Ow, ow, ow.
I woke out of a dead sleep with the sudden urge to piss like a race horse. The glaring red "3:00 am" from the clock beside the bed, burned into my eyelids. I sat up slowly, rubbing my back from the pain. I was still having bullshit contractions, but per my doctor, unless they got stronger or closer together, they weren't anything to worry about. Dragging my feet to the bathroom, I did my business and washed my hands. As I leaned over to flush, I noticed this blob floating in the water. Immediately, I knew what it was and ran to get my phone. I dialed Vickie's number, but I had to leave a message. I wanted to scream into the phone because she didn't answer, but all I could do was tell her that I was pretty much going into labor and to call me back before I had to charge a taxi ride to her credit card. After hanging up, I sent Nae a message on Kakao telling her the same thing. Her reply was immediate.
3:12am Nae "Are you sure this time?"
"yea, im positive.. is it too late to change my mind?" 3:21am
3:22am Nae "Is Vickie taking you to the hospital?"
"if she'll ever call back. im just gonna get a taxi" 3:25am
3:25am Nae "Absolutely not. Call Sean."
"i dont wanna bother him" 3:28am
3:26am Nae "FUCKIN DO IT!"
"fine but i hate you" 3:29am
3:30am Nae "I'm booking my flight. I'll be there asap."
Gritting my teeth, I looked up Sean's number in my phone and pressed call. Laying back on the bed, I gripped my stomach and tried to breath calmly as the phone rang. Suddenly loud music and people laughing burst through the phone. Groaning in frustration, I hung up and called the front desk from the room phone to hail a cab. Getting dressed, I placed a watch on my wrist to time the contractions, pulled my hair up in a ponytail and grabbed my hospital suitcase, that I had packed last week, on the way downstairs to the lobby. The desk clerk had me sit in his chair while I waited to be picked up. A few seconds later, who else, but Sean, came bursting through the door with his jacket half on and panting like an idiot.
I didn't even get a hello. "What's wrong," he demanded.
"Nothing. What are you doing here?"
"You called me and didn't say anything and then I heard you groan before you hung up. Since you didn't pick up when I called back, I figured something was wrong."
"I'm fine. Go back to your party." I bit my lip to keep from verbalizing the pain I was in so that he would leave when the clerk said that my taxi was ready to take me to the hospital.
"Are you going into labor? Where's your aunt? And why are you taking a taxi?"
Rolling my eyes, I slowly got to my feet, picking up my luggage only to have it ripped from my hand and my wrist grabbed before Sean pulled me after him out the door.
"What are you doing? Let go of me. My taxi is here." When he refused to turn around and look at me, I stopped walking and almost fell down before he stopped. Turning to look at me, I could tell he was angry. Taking a step back, I leaned against the wall to put some distance between us, but also for support as I felt a sharp pain stab through my stomach. I cried out and doubled over, trying to rub away the sting. I was terrified. I didn't know if this was normal and I looked up at him, begging him to do something. With a strength that I didn't know he had, he picked me up and carried me two blocks to where his car was parked.
When we got to the hospital, I was in the middle of a rather strong contraction. It hurt but not to the point that I couldn’t concentrate. Thankfully, I hadn't experienced any more like the one before. I knew from talking to my doctor and random women on the street who could smell the first-time-mother fear on me that I was going to wanna rip my skin open and tear the kid out myself before it was over. Funny, but I always thought they were joking. Thankfully, they also gave me tips to ease the pain. Looking down at the watch, I noted that it lasted about fifty-two seconds. If my timing was right, I had about five minutes before it would start again.
I was soon wheeled off down the hall to a labor and delivery room while they mistook Sean for my husband and gave him some forms to fill out. The nurse’s assistant told me to put on the typical hospital gown and get comfortable while they filled out my chart. Yea, like that was gonna happen. Wanting to prolong my vajayjay’s debut as much as possible, I went to the bathroom to get all gussied up in my gown. I had been to the ob/gyn too many times to count so I felt comfortable with her. But these people were totally new to me and I was about to get spread-eagle in front of them all. I couldn’t help but cringe at the thought. Feeling another contraction coming, I had to sit down and grip my stomach to count it out. It was a few seconds afterward before I got to my feet and cover my goods.
As soon as I came out, I had to answer non-stop questions: when I last ate or drank anything; did I have a birth plan or plan to use any medications. By the time my aunt finally got there, I was ready to walk out and have my baby at home in the bathtub. I felt like a pin cushion. They checked my blood pressure and temperature, took a blood sample, hooked me up to an IV and put an internal heart rate monitor up my yahoo to get a more accurate reading of the baby’s stress level because they couldn't get a good reading on the external monitor. As if I weren’t uncomfortable enough having a 6lb bowling ball continuously feeling like it’s about to fall out of my uterus. I said a sarcastic thank you to technology for raping my dignity with its ill-placed gadgets.
Vickie was unpacking a couple of things from my bag to make the room seem more comfortable when I noticed she had a camera in her hand.
“Do you want to film something before you turn into a birthing mother and self-combust,” Vickie asked me with a smile, waving the new camcorder she had purchased for my discomfort.
“Ah, is the daddy not going to be able to make it,” one of the trainees asked me. I was hesitant to answer. Vickie, being the ever-perceptive aunt that she is, averted the question.
“Yes, well it’s complicated. Let’s get you in bed, Shevaun, so you’ll be more comfortable and we’ll get this part over with.”
I got up from the chair and waddled over to the bed. After I was situated and presentable, my aunt stepped back and pointed the camera at me.
“Annnd.. action.” I rolled my eyes at her for being completely lame.
Clearing my throat, I tried to think of something witty. "Changmin-ah. It’s me. The mother of your extremely big-headed child that has decided today is the day to come out and join the world. At this point, I’m very sick of hospitals and doctors and people that have no concept of personal space that enjoy molesting my stomach like it belongs to them. I’m very glad that this will all be over after today and I can rejoice that my body will once again belong to me-”
Vickie cut me off, “Are you going to be a smart-ass the whole time or are you going to give him something real?”
“I’m having his fucking kid; that’s real enough, isn’t it?.. Don’t look at me like that; you know I hate talking about this stuff.. Fine!” Why does she always have to call me out like that? As if my life wasn’t hard enough, I had to deal with her constant nagging about being a grown up and doing the right thing all the time. I got it, Lady, now get off my back! It took me a minute to collect my thoughts, not to mention breathe through another contraction. I didn’t really know what I wanted to say so I said the first thing that came to mind. “Well the sex was great. I’m not feeling so good about it right now though.. Look, I know that you not being here right now was my own choice.. I know that. If things had been different, I bet you would have been over the moon right now. Honestly, you’re the only person that I actually want here, but I’m stuck with this person holding a camera in my face. I’m not gonna lie. I’m.. pretty scared at the moment. I just feel like something will go wrong. I’m really sorry that I had to leave like I did. It was definitely not my coolest moment but I didn’t know what else to do at the time. I should have come to you and told you what was going on, but I didn’t wanna trap you. You had so much left to do and I knew that if you found out, you would’ve felt obligated to be by my side. Not that you wouldn’t have done it and been a fantastic dad, but later on, you probably would have regretted it and that would kill me so I did the only thing I could think of. I want you to know I’m gonna love him everyday, unconditionally, and I’ll tell him everything about you when he’s old enough to understand. My hope is that by the time he comes to look for you, I will have had time to explain everything and you can forgive me enough to accept him, but maybe that’s too much to ask; I don’t know," sighing deeply, I looked at Vickie, "Can you turn it off now? I don’t wanna talk anymore.”
“Sure, but when the action starts I’m turning it back on.”
“Why do you hate me?”
A few hours later, I wasn’t as dilated as I should be so I took to walking the delivery wing. Wearing two gowns, one covering the front and one covering the back, I pushed the mobile IV up and down the hall. The walking eased the pain, and was supposed to progress the labor along. Fine by me; I just wanted this to be over with. Between the dull, rolling ache from my back to my abdomen and the constant feeling of having to pee, I was going insane. I held my nails up towards the florescent lights and cursed their dull edges. Making my way back to my room, I passed the nursery. There were a few babies inside, ones that needed special care or were not able to be with their mothers for one reason or another. Most babies were kept in the room with the mother at this particular hospital so I couldn’t help but wonder and worry why they were there.
Vickie had gone down to the cafeteria to get some coffee a while ago. She was probably on a phone conference with all of her friends explaining my “progress” or lack thereof. Crawling into bed, I tried to get comfortable. I was tired already and I hadn’t even gotten to the hard part. My iPod was sitting on the night table next to my bed. I picked it up and searched for a song that would relax me enough to get some sleep. I smiled when I located a song that I had almost forgotten about, putting it on repeat as o closed my eyes to the voice of Changmin singing Eunhasoo.
I was laying on my side trying to get some sleep when I gripped the metal railing of the bed to keep from crying out. Shutting my eyes tightly to the point of seeing spots on the back of my eyelids, I tried to remember the breathing techniques that were supposed to help ease the pain.
“Owww, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!” Contractions are no fuckin’ joke. I would take my period cramps times a hundred any day over this.
“That was a good one, Shevaun. They are coming closer together now. It won’t be long before you can start pushing. Aren’t you excited?! You’re about to meet your little boy!”
Oh please. Like this is fun. I wanted to punch her. Why are delivery nurses so damn happy? Oh right, because they aren’t the ones trying to squeeze a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon. My relaxation practices were becoming ineffective and I wanted something to stop the pain for a while. When I told her without a doubt in my mind that I needed drugs, she smiled at me and said she would take care of it. Granted, I had to wait for her to check to make sure I was dilated enough to get one; I accepted the fact that this was a prerequisite for relief.
When the anaesthesiologist came with his tray-o-goodies, I couldn’t quite contain my excitement. I was about to be pain-free. That was until I saw the size of the needle he was about to stab me in the back with. I was scared shitless until I felt another contraction and said to hell with it. Vickie came running through the door with her camera in hand ready to shoot. When she noticed everyone staring at her, she put it away and walked over to take the place of the nurse in front of me. I probably should have called her instead of having the hospital page her, but it was a lot more fun seeing her freak out. Leaning over the mound of pillows in my lap, I squeezed her hands as he inserted the needle in my back to place the tiny tube and tape it in place. A small pinch my ass. It fuckin' hurt! It didn’t take long for the medication to take the edge off. After talking to the anaesthesiologist about my options, I decided to go with a walking epidural so that I could still move around on my own.
I was going crazy. I had been at the hospital for eight hours already and I wasn’t even pushing yet. My OB had already broken my water a few hours ago and gave me Pitocin to speed things up but it seemed Lil B was stalling. I was about to ask Vickie to get me some ice when one of the machines starting going off next to me. I could feel my stomach contracting but I couldn’t tell if anything was wrong because of the medication. The nurse came in and checked the print out from the baby monitor before paging my doctor. When she came in, I couldn't help but bombard her with questions.
“What’s going on? Is there something wrong with the baby? Why can't I start pushing yet?”
“Shevaun, the baby’s heart rate has dropped. That coupled with the fact that your labor is stalled doesn’t look good. If his heart rate doesn’t go back up in the next few minutes, we’re going to need to do a Cesarean. I know that’s not what we talked about, but if we wait, it could be dangerous for you both. The nurse is going to bring you a form to sign, okay?”
“Will he be okay?”
“Right now, we’re just going to wait and see. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you're both fine so try not to worry, okay?”
“Yea.. Right.”
Laying back, I watched as my aunt left with the doctor. Never a good sign when my aunt wants a private word. I tried taking deep breaths to slow my heart rate so that Baby would calm down. Vickie came back in a couple minutes later with the consent form for me to sign. I was confused. I felt disappointed that I couldn’t stick to my birth plan but there was nothing I could do about it. After a few minutes, a group of nurses came into the room unhooking monitors and raising the bars beside the bed. As I was being wheeled down the hall to an operating room, it hit me. I was going to be a mother. I was going to have to hold and take care of a person that would rely solely on me. I flipped my shit.
“Vickie.. Vickie?!”
“I’m right here.” She reached out to hold my hand, but I pulled away from her.
“Vickie, I don’t wanna do this. I’m not ready. Can you have them take me back? I wanna go back to my room. I don’t want them to cut me open! I’m not ready for any of this. I just want Changmin.. Please.. I just wanna go home.” I started to pull at the IV in my arm when one of the nurses held me down so I wouldn’t hurt myself. There is nothing scarier than being restrained and all I could do was scream and thrash from side to side to get him off me. Suddenly, I felt very heavy. Like I was being held down by the weight of my own body. I tried to lift my arm, but it wouldn't budge and my eyes wouldn't stay open.
---------
A/N: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! She finally had the baby! :o This chapter is so freaking long.. jeezusss. I wrote most of it forever ago so I had to go back and work everything in so that it flows somewhat naturally. I was excited to get this chapter over with. I'm interested to see what kind of mother she'll turn out to be, aren't you? Anyways, hope you enjoy. I'll get to work on the next chapter after my Korean homework is done so maybe it won't take as long for the next one. :D
If you want to hear the song Shevaun listened to click here
I recently got back from NY Korean Festival where I finally got to see HoMin and it's made me think about this story a lot and what should happen next. Sort of a renewal of interest you might say. Even though I couldn't see DB5K, I can at least say that I've seen JYJ & TVX2.