Our Little Secret
The twins were playing dress-up in their playroom upstairs. They were being uncommonly quiet so I decided to go have a look. Closing my Physics book, I got off the couch and made my way up the carpeted steps to the second floor. As I turned the corner, a door at the opposite end of the hall opened and Mr. Kim stood against the frame.
“Sorry. They aren’t disturbing you, are they? I’ll put in a movie so they’ll take a nap and you can have some peace and quiet.”
He smiled thoughtfully.
“It's fine. I’m just taking a break.”
Bowing politely, I continued down the hall away from him until I reached the girls’ room. Opening the door a crack, I peeked inside. The room was a mess. Play clothes were everywhere. A plastic hamburger and a hot pink toy skillet lay at my feet. The toy box was turned over again. Its contents scattered across the room in wild abandon. If I hadn’t been baby sitting for the Kim family for the past two years, I would’ve been horrified at the mass destruction of the once organized play area. The girls were always making messes like this. Sidestepping discarded toys and pieces of clothing, I searched the room for the two mischievous girls I was looking after. A couple of minutes later, I found them fast asleep behind an overturned play kitchen. They were both wearing matching costumes and each holding a hand of the same doll. Smiling fondly, I grabbed a blanket off the window seat and covered them. I sighed with resignation at the thought of having to pick up this room for the fifth time this week and it wasn’t even Friday yet. Closing the door quietly, I made my way back down the hall to the stairs.
“Min-ah.”
I stopped at the first step, my hand on the banister.
“Yes, Sir?”
“How many times do I have to ask you to call me Kibum?”
“Oh.. Yes. Did you need something?”
“Not really. I just wanted to ask your opinion about something I’m working on.”
“Oh, okay. I don’t know how much help I’ll be but I’ll try.”
Walking into the room in front of him, he closed the door behind us and flipped the switch. I still wasn’t used to being in the dark room so when everything turned red it startled me for a moment. He chuckled behind me at my skittishness.
“What is it that you’re working on, Mr. Ki-uh, Kibum?”
“I’m having trouble deciding on which picture to use and since you are the only other person here with the capacity to think about something other than playtime or sparkly things, I figured you were the most qualified.”
“I might be older,” I said peering up at the clothesline of a dozen photos, “but I still like sparkly things.”
Laughing, he crossed his arms and sat on the edge of his desk. The pictures I noticed were from the trip to Jeju last month when we all went to visit Mrs. Kim for the weekend. She had a house there as well since she made so many trips a month. “It was more economical,” Mr. Kim told me once. I could tell he didn’t like it but he couldn’t tell her to quit her job either. She wasn’t much of the mothering type so it fell to me to look after the girls when Mr. Kim was busy with his own work. It was fine because I was getting ready to leave for college soon and I would need the money. I tried not to think about the day I would have to say goodbye to those babies and this family but I had my own dreams to obtain. Shaking my head, I turned back to the photos.
“What’s it for,” I asked as I plucked a picture from its clip.
“I’m going to put it on my desk so that when I become tired I can regain strength from it.”
Looking back at the line of pictures, I noticed they were all the same picture but developed at difference angles and sizes. It was the day I took the girls to play by the creek behind the guest house. I hadn’t realized Mr. Kim was taking pictures but I held the proof in my hands. Byul was crouching by the creek with a stick poking around at something she had found, while I was swinging Bae around by her arms. It was a fun day and the sun was shining particularly bright. It was my first time going to Jeju. I had never known how beautiful nature could be until then. The picture was breathtaking. The angle of light and even the colors were exactly how I remembered them.
“If I didn’t know any better, Kibum, I would think you were a stalker.”
“I wasn’t planning on taking any pictures at the time, but when I saw you three playing out there, I thought, ‘Ah, so this is what it feels like’ and I couldn’t resist. I hope you’ll forgive me for not asking permission but the girls looked so happy.” He stood up from his desk and walked across the room to look down over my shoulder at the picture I held. “That one’s my favorite too.”
Turning around to face him, I stared down at the perfect moment frozen in time.
“The girls were happy, weren’t they? They smiled so much that weekend. They must have missed Mrs. Kim terribly.” I frowned, looking down at the picture. It was so unfair for the girls to be separated from their mother for so long. I really wished Mr. Kim would move his family to Jeju so the girls could have a real family. When he pressed his finger against my forehead, I looked up at him with a question on the tip of my tongue.
“Don’t frown so much. You’ll get wrinkles. Trust me. I know.”
“You don’t have wrinkles. Your skin is perfect...” I hadn’t meant to say that. I pressed my hand against my cheek to cool the heat of my skin. He laughed at my embarrassment.
“While I appreciate your flattery, I think your eyesight has gone bad.”
Smiling at his joke, I handed him the picture. While it felt weird thinking of him gaining strength from a picture that I was also in, it was a great picture of his girls so I gave him my honest opinion.
“This one is my favorite. You should use it.”
Taking the picture, he reached forward to hang the picture up on the line. Stepping back out of his way, my legs met his work table cutting off my retreat. He was close enough that I could smell the faint scent of his cologne. I was becoming slightly uncomfortable at the close proximity but also excited. I had always thought that Mr. Kim was attractive but that was just my eighteen-year-old mind creating fantasies that I knew would never come true. When his hand reached under my chin to tilt my head up towards him, I swallowed hard. His fingers were warm and soft against my skin as he pushed my hair behind my ear.
“Have I told you lately how much I appreciate everything you do for me?”
I could feel the pounding of my heart in my chest as he leaned down slowly towards me. He was giving me an out or a chance to push him away but for the life of me I couldn’t seem to do it. I knew it was wrong but I wanted it. I wanted to know what it felt like to be touched by a man even if he wasn’t mine.
His lips were firm and unrelenting. I could barely catch a breath before his mouth covered mine again. Lifting me up against him, I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me over to his desk, pushing papers and pictures to the floor before laying me down gently. I could feel him between my legs through the flimsy fabric of my dress as he bent over me. His hand was making its way slowly up my thigh towards my panties but I couldn’t stop long enough to think about what we were doing. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was going to complicate my life, but when I heard his belt buckle hit the floor, I lost my chance to tell him no as entered me without warning.
The first time I had sex was on a desk with a married man while his daughters slept down the hall. I was mortified. Not because of what we did but because I enjoyed the feeling of his skin against mine, our combined scents filling the air. Aside from it hurting like hell at first, I had never felt more alive in my life. He wiped my tears when I cried from the pain and whispered words of encouragement when he began to move above me.
After it was all over, he pulled up his pants and righted his hair. Holding a hand out to me, he pulled me up and wrapped me in a tight hug very much like the ones my father used to give before he died. Resting my head against his chest, I closed my eyes willing myself not to cry.
“Are you ok,” he asked in a voice that was barely audible.
“Yes, I'm fine.”
“This’ll be our little secret, okay?”
“Sure.”
Lifting my hair out of the way, he kissed my neck softly. It was gentle and sweet and it made my heart swell. Whether it was a growing love or guilt, I couldn’t tell. Suddenly there was a knocking on the door and we broke apart like glass shattering on a tile floor. Making sure our clothing was in proper order, Mr. Kim barely had time to switch the lights from red to normal before a whirlwind of twin girls covered in lace and random marker drawings flew into the room. Catching Byul under the arms as she ran towards me, I swept her up against my chest.
“What are you doing awake so soon?”
“I done sleeping already,” she replied.
Looking over at Bae who was hanging onto her dad’s leg for dear life, I asked, “Who’s hungry?”
A chorus of ‘Me, me, me’ followed. Setting Byul on her feet, I grasped the hands of both girls and walked towards the door. Throwing a look over my shoulder, I noticed that Mr. Kim was staring fondly in our direction.
“I made kimchi stew and extra sticky rice for dinner if you’re hungry.”
“Let me finish up here and I’ll be right down.”
Dinner was a chore. Trying to get two finicky girls to eat a balanced diet was tough even without the dull ache that had settled between my legs from previous activities. Luckily, one look from their father made them stop throwing bits of rice at each other and instead put it in their mouths. After dinner, they were sent into the living room to watch a movie as I cleared away the table. Mr. Kim placed the leftover stew in the fridge for later. As I was washing the dishes, my mother called to say she was on her way to pick me up.
“Mr-Kibum.. my mom is on her way. I’ll leave you to finish up, okay?”
“Alright. I appreciate you coming over to watch the girls today. I haven’t been able to concentrate lately so I was a little behind on my work.”
“No problem,” I replied, remembering what happened earlier. My face felt warm and I needed a minute to calm myself. Walking into the living room, I grabbed my Physics book that I left on the couch and walked back into the kitchen. Sitting at the bar across from Mr. Kim, I tried to finish up my reading assignment. Ever so often he would look up and stare at me for a few seconds. I didn’t dare return his glances but I could see him out of my peripheral vision. As I finished up my homework, I heard a horn blowing outside to signal my mother’s arrival. Scrambling to shove everything in my backpack, I ran to say goodbye to the girls.
They stood at the door as I left, waving one last time before I got into my mom’s car. Looking in the rearview mirror, I saw the girls run back inside to finish the movie, but Mr. Kim stood there watching us drive away. His face showed his apprehension or maybe I was too far away to see clearly. Did he think I would tell? Surely not. I’ve never given him a reason to doubt my word.
“Did you have a good time,” my mother asked, noticing the silence between us.
“Yep. I learned a lot.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re studying hard for your entrance exams.”
I felt bad lying to my mother but telling her the truth would hurt her and I couldn’t do that.
That night I stayed up late trying to make up for the studying I didn’t get done that afternoon. My head was nodding and I could barely keep my eyes open. Making up my mind to go to bed and try again tomorrow, I pulled out my phone to set my alarm. I noticed the red light indicating I had a new text message. Opening the file, I couldn’t help smiling.
09:36p.m. Ajusshi: “I miss your smile.”
--------
A/N: This was a one-shot I did for my friend's suju_het com. I'm not much of a Suju fan anymore but I figured what the hell. So I figured I would share it while I'm in the process of working on the next chapter for Sarange. I'm having to go back & read all the chapters over again so that I can make sure the story stays on the right track. Originally, the father was supposed to be Donghae but when I told my friends they were against it. They wanted it to be Kangin because they could see him doing something like that after the whole hit & run thing but I didn't want them to hate him so I went with Kibum. Anyways, back to what I'm supposed to be doing.
“Sorry. They aren’t disturbing you, are they? I’ll put in a movie so they’ll take a nap and you can have some peace and quiet.”
He smiled thoughtfully.
“It's fine. I’m just taking a break.”
Bowing politely, I continued down the hall away from him until I reached the girls’ room. Opening the door a crack, I peeked inside. The room was a mess. Play clothes were everywhere. A plastic hamburger and a hot pink toy skillet lay at my feet. The toy box was turned over again. Its contents scattered across the room in wild abandon. If I hadn’t been baby sitting for the Kim family for the past two years, I would’ve been horrified at the mass destruction of the once organized play area. The girls were always making messes like this. Sidestepping discarded toys and pieces of clothing, I searched the room for the two mischievous girls I was looking after. A couple of minutes later, I found them fast asleep behind an overturned play kitchen. They were both wearing matching costumes and each holding a hand of the same doll. Smiling fondly, I grabbed a blanket off the window seat and covered them. I sighed with resignation at the thought of having to pick up this room for the fifth time this week and it wasn’t even Friday yet. Closing the door quietly, I made my way back down the hall to the stairs.
“Min-ah.”
I stopped at the first step, my hand on the banister.
“Yes, Sir?”
“How many times do I have to ask you to call me Kibum?”
“Oh.. Yes. Did you need something?”
“Not really. I just wanted to ask your opinion about something I’m working on.”
“Oh, okay. I don’t know how much help I’ll be but I’ll try.”
Walking into the room in front of him, he closed the door behind us and flipped the switch. I still wasn’t used to being in the dark room so when everything turned red it startled me for a moment. He chuckled behind me at my skittishness.
“What is it that you’re working on, Mr. Ki-uh, Kibum?”
“I’m having trouble deciding on which picture to use and since you are the only other person here with the capacity to think about something other than playtime or sparkly things, I figured you were the most qualified.”
“I might be older,” I said peering up at the clothesline of a dozen photos, “but I still like sparkly things.”
Laughing, he crossed his arms and sat on the edge of his desk. The pictures I noticed were from the trip to Jeju last month when we all went to visit Mrs. Kim for the weekend. She had a house there as well since she made so many trips a month. “It was more economical,” Mr. Kim told me once. I could tell he didn’t like it but he couldn’t tell her to quit her job either. She wasn’t much of the mothering type so it fell to me to look after the girls when Mr. Kim was busy with his own work. It was fine because I was getting ready to leave for college soon and I would need the money. I tried not to think about the day I would have to say goodbye to those babies and this family but I had my own dreams to obtain. Shaking my head, I turned back to the photos.
“What’s it for,” I asked as I plucked a picture from its clip.
“I’m going to put it on my desk so that when I become tired I can regain strength from it.”
Looking back at the line of pictures, I noticed they were all the same picture but developed at difference angles and sizes. It was the day I took the girls to play by the creek behind the guest house. I hadn’t realized Mr. Kim was taking pictures but I held the proof in my hands. Byul was crouching by the creek with a stick poking around at something she had found, while I was swinging Bae around by her arms. It was a fun day and the sun was shining particularly bright. It was my first time going to Jeju. I had never known how beautiful nature could be until then. The picture was breathtaking. The angle of light and even the colors were exactly how I remembered them.
“If I didn’t know any better, Kibum, I would think you were a stalker.”
“I wasn’t planning on taking any pictures at the time, but when I saw you three playing out there, I thought, ‘Ah, so this is what it feels like’ and I couldn’t resist. I hope you’ll forgive me for not asking permission but the girls looked so happy.” He stood up from his desk and walked across the room to look down over my shoulder at the picture I held. “That one’s my favorite too.”
Turning around to face him, I stared down at the perfect moment frozen in time.
“The girls were happy, weren’t they? They smiled so much that weekend. They must have missed Mrs. Kim terribly.” I frowned, looking down at the picture. It was so unfair for the girls to be separated from their mother for so long. I really wished Mr. Kim would move his family to Jeju so the girls could have a real family. When he pressed his finger against my forehead, I looked up at him with a question on the tip of my tongue.
“Don’t frown so much. You’ll get wrinkles. Trust me. I know.”
“You don’t have wrinkles. Your skin is perfect...” I hadn’t meant to say that. I pressed my hand against my cheek to cool the heat of my skin. He laughed at my embarrassment.
“While I appreciate your flattery, I think your eyesight has gone bad.”
Smiling at his joke, I handed him the picture. While it felt weird thinking of him gaining strength from a picture that I was also in, it was a great picture of his girls so I gave him my honest opinion.
“This one is my favorite. You should use it.”
Taking the picture, he reached forward to hang the picture up on the line. Stepping back out of his way, my legs met his work table cutting off my retreat. He was close enough that I could smell the faint scent of his cologne. I was becoming slightly uncomfortable at the close proximity but also excited. I had always thought that Mr. Kim was attractive but that was just my eighteen-year-old mind creating fantasies that I knew would never come true. When his hand reached under my chin to tilt my head up towards him, I swallowed hard. His fingers were warm and soft against my skin as he pushed my hair behind my ear.
“Have I told you lately how much I appreciate everything you do for me?”
I could feel the pounding of my heart in my chest as he leaned down slowly towards me. He was giving me an out or a chance to push him away but for the life of me I couldn’t seem to do it. I knew it was wrong but I wanted it. I wanted to know what it felt like to be touched by a man even if he wasn’t mine.
His lips were firm and unrelenting. I could barely catch a breath before his mouth covered mine again. Lifting me up against him, I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me over to his desk, pushing papers and pictures to the floor before laying me down gently. I could feel him between my legs through the flimsy fabric of my dress as he bent over me. His hand was making its way slowly up my thigh towards my panties but I couldn’t stop long enough to think about what we were doing. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was going to complicate my life, but when I heard his belt buckle hit the floor, I lost my chance to tell him no as entered me without warning.
The first time I had sex was on a desk with a married man while his daughters slept down the hall. I was mortified. Not because of what we did but because I enjoyed the feeling of his skin against mine, our combined scents filling the air. Aside from it hurting like hell at first, I had never felt more alive in my life. He wiped my tears when I cried from the pain and whispered words of encouragement when he began to move above me.
After it was all over, he pulled up his pants and righted his hair. Holding a hand out to me, he pulled me up and wrapped me in a tight hug very much like the ones my father used to give before he died. Resting my head against his chest, I closed my eyes willing myself not to cry.
“Are you ok,” he asked in a voice that was barely audible.
“Yes, I'm fine.”
“This’ll be our little secret, okay?”
“Sure.”
Lifting my hair out of the way, he kissed my neck softly. It was gentle and sweet and it made my heart swell. Whether it was a growing love or guilt, I couldn’t tell. Suddenly there was a knocking on the door and we broke apart like glass shattering on a tile floor. Making sure our clothing was in proper order, Mr. Kim barely had time to switch the lights from red to normal before a whirlwind of twin girls covered in lace and random marker drawings flew into the room. Catching Byul under the arms as she ran towards me, I swept her up against my chest.
“What are you doing awake so soon?”
“I done sleeping already,” she replied.
Looking over at Bae who was hanging onto her dad’s leg for dear life, I asked, “Who’s hungry?”
A chorus of ‘Me, me, me’ followed. Setting Byul on her feet, I grasped the hands of both girls and walked towards the door. Throwing a look over my shoulder, I noticed that Mr. Kim was staring fondly in our direction.
“I made kimchi stew and extra sticky rice for dinner if you’re hungry.”
“Let me finish up here and I’ll be right down.”
Dinner was a chore. Trying to get two finicky girls to eat a balanced diet was tough even without the dull ache that had settled between my legs from previous activities. Luckily, one look from their father made them stop throwing bits of rice at each other and instead put it in their mouths. After dinner, they were sent into the living room to watch a movie as I cleared away the table. Mr. Kim placed the leftover stew in the fridge for later. As I was washing the dishes, my mother called to say she was on her way to pick me up.
“Mr-Kibum.. my mom is on her way. I’ll leave you to finish up, okay?”
“Alright. I appreciate you coming over to watch the girls today. I haven’t been able to concentrate lately so I was a little behind on my work.”
“No problem,” I replied, remembering what happened earlier. My face felt warm and I needed a minute to calm myself. Walking into the living room, I grabbed my Physics book that I left on the couch and walked back into the kitchen. Sitting at the bar across from Mr. Kim, I tried to finish up my reading assignment. Ever so often he would look up and stare at me for a few seconds. I didn’t dare return his glances but I could see him out of my peripheral vision. As I finished up my homework, I heard a horn blowing outside to signal my mother’s arrival. Scrambling to shove everything in my backpack, I ran to say goodbye to the girls.
They stood at the door as I left, waving one last time before I got into my mom’s car. Looking in the rearview mirror, I saw the girls run back inside to finish the movie, but Mr. Kim stood there watching us drive away. His face showed his apprehension or maybe I was too far away to see clearly. Did he think I would tell? Surely not. I’ve never given him a reason to doubt my word.
“Did you have a good time,” my mother asked, noticing the silence between us.
“Yep. I learned a lot.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re studying hard for your entrance exams.”
I felt bad lying to my mother but telling her the truth would hurt her and I couldn’t do that.
That night I stayed up late trying to make up for the studying I didn’t get done that afternoon. My head was nodding and I could barely keep my eyes open. Making up my mind to go to bed and try again tomorrow, I pulled out my phone to set my alarm. I noticed the red light indicating I had a new text message. Opening the file, I couldn’t help smiling.
09:36p.m. Ajusshi: “I miss your smile.”
--------
A/N: This was a one-shot I did for my friend's suju_het com. I'm not much of a Suju fan anymore but I figured what the hell. So I figured I would share it while I'm in the process of working on the next chapter for Sarange. I'm having to go back & read all the chapters over again so that I can make sure the story stays on the right track. Originally, the father was supposed to be Donghae but when I told my friends they were against it. They wanted it to be Kangin because they could see him doing something like that after the whole hit & run thing but I didn't want them to hate him so I went with Kibum. Anyways, back to what I'm supposed to be doing.