*been thinkin*
It's finally October and I luv it! I'm not sure if the cider mills are still open, I want to go to one before its too late and theres snow on the damn ground. We're supposed to go to a haunted house tonight over by my house but I know its going to be like a 3 hour wait considering there aint shit to do out here !!!
I was watching the presidential debate yeseterday. I only got to see the ending when Bush was talking.Man bush is so fuckin retarded I can NOT stand him. He is a dumb hill billy that mispernounces words and can't fuckin speak.He's against abortions and he fucking knew about the whole terrorist issue on 9/11. What good is it to bomb and destroy a whole country and then rebuild it a few months after. He's just a complete moron and I hope that John kerry wins. If Bush ends up winning who knows what will happen with the economy again. He's just goin to sit there and watch more people die from shit he could have stopped from bein prevented in the first place! Enuff on this
My step brother is moving out today. I am kinda sad but in a way relieved.I don't have to deal with his pyscho ass bi- girlfriend nemore which is a biggggg relief! Sad part is that he can't buy alcohol for me.:-( I got my other sources so its still cool. I'm debatin on if I want to put my room down in the basement or keep it up here. I feel like my parents are always up in my shit because they hear everything I say or even do. At least down there I have more privacy and I won't have to see them all the time. Well not so much my dad.. it's Carol. Since like the whole thing with my mom, I've been pretty emotional and upset. She just keeps it going. She's the reason why I have to take the meds. I do. Last night she tried telling me that my mom never wanted to have me and all this other bull shit. Talk about a stab in the heart man. I don't understand how she knows EVERYTHING, she wasn't in my dads life at the time. Part of me wants to believe all the stuff they have told me but then again I think they're just trying to piss me off so that I end up absolutly hating her and it won't hurt as bad.Who knows,, I haven't seen my mom in over a year. Two years ago I didn't see my mom for 3 years straight. It's a constant battle when it comes to her. I'm usually fine, but when I am just sitting here thinkin u know I wonder what she is doin or if she ever thinks of me or if she is even proud that her youngest daughter is doin something with her life. I keep tellin myself that its just something I have to cope with and she will never be a mom. What do I get out of that, it don't do shit for me. Crying, and bein upset about it is only makin me look like an ass not her. But I am blessed for having my friends that I have now. We all have some fucked up things in our life and that how we connect so good. I learned to break off the friendships with my friends who I have known for awhile because they're stuck up and think they are the better than everyone oh, and to top it off the most beautiful girls when actually..... u reeally aren't. Appreciate the things u do have and the stuff you don't fuck it, it will come around soon enough