Observation Days
So, Monday is the start of my observation days. Luckily I got a school that seems 2 b fairly close 2 where we live. That was my first worry, so that was a relief. My second worry was about finding the office when I got there. Apparently, according 2 p pl who've been there b 4, the office right in front of the main door. Another worry taken care of. I also bought a new shirt 2 wear, so I look professional.
But, as always, my main worry is just the whole day in general. I'm really not cut out 2 b a teacher. The more and more I think about it, it seems that this is just not the thing 4 me. The whole thing scares me 2 death. Robin keeps saying don't let p pl intimidate me, but ever since I gained weight, I have a confidence of zero. I'm even starting 2 b scared by crowds (I get really nervous and twitchy and start 2 breathe differently in crowds if I'm not with a bunch of p pl I know). This sucks, 4 as u all know, schools in St. John's have crazy amounts of p pl. Lots and lots of mean, bratty kids. Oh god, I wish I were doing elementary school. The only thing that keeps me in this program, other than my inability 2 quit n e thing, is the fact that I wanna teach art techniques.
Its not even about the art itself n e more. I love photo so much, and its mostly about the process. I love the process. Nothing gets me more excited than examining a print and figuring out how it was made. I need a masters in photo. And apparently some places that u can teach at up north will pay 4 your masters if u promise 2 stay there...so someday it may happen. I miss Betty and Bertha so much. And yes, even Beatrice, even tho she seemed 2 not like me sometimes...well I don't think she really liked n e 1. Most of u probably won't know who or what (*hint*) I'm talking about. I loved them so much. That's the only reason that job was enjoyable sometimes. They were my babies that I talked 2 everyday when nobody was looking (sometimes when they were looking, but they just thought I was joking). Ah, I really do want 2 visit them again sometime...
And so...observation day. I shouldn't have 2 do much. Tech won't b fun tho I imagine. The tech teacher is possibly (if he went back 2 that school) Wade. The guy that taught the course this summer than I never knew the name of. He's also the guy nobody liked. But I think he's a good tech prof. He was boring 4 us, but when he talked about teaching his class he was different. U could tell he enjoyed that job... U can just tell sometimes. Its the way their whole mood changes and they look at things differently. Hopefully I'll learn something from it all. We only have 5 observation days at least.
Hopefully 4 my internship I'll b able 2 get a school close 2 here. I even offered 2 go 2 a Junior High, so it shouldn't b 2 hard 2 place me (most p pl, as in 90% of the interns it seems, request High Schools b cause they're scared of Junior High). I don't really care 4 the internship. I'd prefer teaching High School, but 4 the intership I'll just b happy 2 get somewhere. And I'm gonna b scared shitless either way, so who cares.
Blah...this teaching buisness is taking a toll on my mental well-being...
But, as always, my main worry is just the whole day in general. I'm really not cut out 2 b a teacher. The more and more I think about it, it seems that this is just not the thing 4 me. The whole thing scares me 2 death. Robin keeps saying don't let p pl intimidate me, but ever since I gained weight, I have a confidence of zero. I'm even starting 2 b scared by crowds (I get really nervous and twitchy and start 2 breathe differently in crowds if I'm not with a bunch of p pl I know). This sucks, 4 as u all know, schools in St. John's have crazy amounts of p pl. Lots and lots of mean, bratty kids. Oh god, I wish I were doing elementary school. The only thing that keeps me in this program, other than my inability 2 quit n e thing, is the fact that I wanna teach art techniques.
Its not even about the art itself n e more. I love photo so much, and its mostly about the process. I love the process. Nothing gets me more excited than examining a print and figuring out how it was made. I need a masters in photo. And apparently some places that u can teach at up north will pay 4 your masters if u promise 2 stay there...so someday it may happen. I miss Betty and Bertha so much. And yes, even Beatrice, even tho she seemed 2 not like me sometimes...well I don't think she really liked n e 1. Most of u probably won't know who or what (*hint*) I'm talking about. I loved them so much. That's the only reason that job was enjoyable sometimes. They were my babies that I talked 2 everyday when nobody was looking (sometimes when they were looking, but they just thought I was joking). Ah, I really do want 2 visit them again sometime...
And so...observation day. I shouldn't have 2 do much. Tech won't b fun tho I imagine. The tech teacher is possibly (if he went back 2 that school) Wade. The guy that taught the course this summer than I never knew the name of. He's also the guy nobody liked. But I think he's a good tech prof. He was boring 4 us, but when he talked about teaching his class he was different. U could tell he enjoyed that job... U can just tell sometimes. Its the way their whole mood changes and they look at things differently. Hopefully I'll learn something from it all. We only have 5 observation days at least.
Hopefully 4 my internship I'll b able 2 get a school close 2 here. I even offered 2 go 2 a Junior High, so it shouldn't b 2 hard 2 place me (most p pl, as in 90% of the interns it seems, request High Schools b cause they're scared of Junior High). I don't really care 4 the internship. I'd prefer teaching High School, but 4 the intership I'll just b happy 2 get somewhere. And I'm gonna b scared shitless either way, so who cares.
Blah...this teaching buisness is taking a toll on my mental well-being...