Taking my time
Every day i take a little longer getting up, getting ready, getting on with my life. I'm trying to do something that even the most intelligent scientist cannot do...I'm trying to slow down time...I don't want to stop it, but i do want it to slow a little. Perhaps my reasons for such an occurance is shallow, but i don't care. Because the slower things go the more time i have to take them...breathe them in, then spit them out. I won't say that i took this year for granted, but lets just say i never thought it would be ending so quickly. I had a slightly irrational moment last night...I walked into a room filled with a group of people i care very much for...and i almost started crying. Yes there was a reason but i still say that my quick mood swing was quite unexpected and nevertheless irrational. I wanted to weap because i knew that i wouldn't see most of them for 4 months. 4 months i have quickly concluded, that will kill me slowly in the most painstaking way. Leaving me vulnerable to the things around me, when i was protected from them for so long. Left to fend for myself when i start to sprial into the black hole of no return, for i'm certain that hole and i will be quite close this summer. My closest friend is going back to BFE which means our communication will either be shot to hell completely or very very scarce and limited. Either way i'm not used to that, and i'm not going to enjoy it at all. I like who i appear to be at college, and i fear that that person won't be going home this summer, that they will merely be left behind so that in 4 months they can be wound up again for a whole new year. Its funny how this works. The beginning of the year i was terrified of leaving the ones i care about at home behind, and now i'm afraid of going back. Its like i've created 2 parallel universes...and i must say the college one is treating me far better than my home. I never thought that i would make the friends that i did, i never thought i would care so much...or maybe i was hoping i wouldn't care so much, because then it would be easier.