things could still work out for me as long as i'm not dead

Jun 10, 2008 13:36

Dear Mother Nature,

OK, let me get this straight: Cigarettes will kill me, alcohol will kill me, the air I breathe will kill me, my cell phone will kill me, and now motherfucking TOMATOES will kill me?! You guys. I don't think I can live in this world. Are we all going to have to commission John Travolta-style bubbles to live in, or what?! Next thing you know someone's going to tell me that cheese is going to get me, and if that happens I swear I will take myself out. I can't live in a world without dairy. But Jesus, if tomatoes are on the hit list then I can only assume that's next. After that I imagine it will be something like, "Scientists have proven that a kiss from a tiny pink baby will render the same effect as taking cyanide pills." COME ON.

Sincerely,
I'm Gonna Get You Sucka
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