A self-reminder to embrace the before
I’m uncomfortable with the concept of Before and After pictures. There’s an implication that the Before is somehow wrong and bad, something to be embarrassed about, something that you are better for having changed.
I have matching pictures of me holding my baby niece on this year‘s birthday trip and on last year’s. We're standing in the same position, in the same place, under the same birthday banner. But we both look very different than we did a year ago, and that should be a neutral thing, but it isn’t. I’ve lost thirty pounds and I have been widely praised for it--even by my boss while I was at work, which felt jarring and unwelcome. Wren, of course, has gone from being a little newborn bread loaf to a sturdy one-year-old on the brink of walking. No one would think to shame an infant for having gained weight, but she’ll be inundated with that message as she gets older. Studies have shown that girls learn to start judging themselves for their weight as young as seven. I remember looking down at my thighs in second grade gym class and thinking sadly that they were far too big. Seven years old. My older niece, Reese, is turning seven soon. I don’t want her and Wren to have to worry about such nonsense as they grow up. I want them to focus on conquering the patriarchy.
Anyway, this is just to say that I’m quite fond of last year’s larger Mandy, and that she wasn’t something that needed to change.
I have matching pictures of me holding my baby niece on this year‘s birthday trip and on last year’s. We're standing in the same position, in the same place, under the same birthday banner. But we both look very different than we did a year ago, and that should be a neutral thing, but it isn’t. I’ve lost thirty pounds and I have been widely praised for it--even by my boss while I was at work, which felt jarring and unwelcome. Wren, of course, has gone from being a little newborn bread loaf to a sturdy one-year-old on the brink of walking. No one would think to shame an infant for having gained weight, but she’ll be inundated with that message as she gets older. Studies have shown that girls learn to start judging themselves for their weight as young as seven. I remember looking down at my thighs in second grade gym class and thinking sadly that they were far too big. Seven years old. My older niece, Reese, is turning seven soon. I don’t want her and Wren to have to worry about such nonsense as they grow up. I want them to focus on conquering the patriarchy.
Anyway, this is just to say that I’m quite fond of last year’s larger Mandy, and that she wasn’t something that needed to change.