distance.
Why does the distance not affect him like it affects me? I want to be able to deal with it better. I want to be able to focus completely on my school work and not think about him too. (well you know what i mean) I don't understand. Maybe it's because I keep thinking about a future with him. I know that he's graduating this semeseter, and plans to find his own place before too long. He's going to be starting his life on his own, starting a career. I want to be a part of that, but I have this drowning feeling of being in school forever. I know it will be over too soon (school, that is) but right now it's not where I want to be. I want to be a part of his life, not away from him at school for so long. It doesn't help that he is handling the distance so well, because I end up reading that he doesn't care that much. I know that's not true. At least I really hope it's not. But it's still so frustrating. I feel like the needy, dependent one in the relationship, instead of an equal. I don't like it, but try as I might I haven't been able to fix it. He means the world to me, and I want to be with him not because I need him, but because I am in love with him. That sounds contradictory - you would think that if I was that much in love that I'd be able to handle any distance thrown at me (and I did deal with it in Ecuador) but I guess I'm not quite that strong. I don't know, you tell me.... Am I being ridiculous by getting so depressed every night? I will get to see him on Friday. Maybe that will help. It will have been three weeks since I've seen him last. I know it's not that long a time, but it's still getting to me. I hope he's as excited to see me as I will be to see him.
Don't get me wrong, I love the girls here at school and I like most of my classes, but I wish there were not grades attached, no transcript to be thinking of. I wish that you could still learn for learning's sake instead of for a letter on a piece of paper. My art classes are more like that - maybe that's why I prefer them over other classes. Anyway, this didn't help as much as I hoped it would. I had better get back to work though... I've got those grades to think of, after all...
Don't get me wrong, I love the girls here at school and I like most of my classes, but I wish there were not grades attached, no transcript to be thinking of. I wish that you could still learn for learning's sake instead of for a letter on a piece of paper. My art classes are more like that - maybe that's why I prefer them over other classes. Anyway, this didn't help as much as I hoped it would. I had better get back to work though... I've got those grades to think of, after all...