Gah. Screw you, life.
Sooo... I haven't posted or kept up with this in ages. And now for my angsty post of the week/month/semester/whatever.
I really don't understand what's going on. Everything was going SO well earlier this week... Monday was amazing. I was unhappy that I had to go to class and such on my birthday, especially since it's a federal holiday, but you know, whatev. I can deal. And the day ended up being really good after all. Practice cheered me up, and we got out of 451 20 minutes early, so all of us physics kids sat in the lounge together for half an hour and chatted about stuff. It was so very cozy. I finally feel like I know them well enough to enjoy the fact that we have had/have so many classes together... and then I'll be leaving in a few months. I guess it all comes down to the amount of time it takes to get to know someone, like really get to know them. There should be an equation for it. Time taken to get to know someone is inversely proportional to time spent actually spent with someone, classes taken together, the number of ordeals gone through together, etc.
My German chapter test that day ended up going well too... I've gotten back 3 tests between Monday and Wednesday, and I've done well on all of them. That, at least, is going my way.
I don't know what I did to get such bad karma right now or whatever. If I've done something to you or something awful that you can think of, would you please let me know so I can make it right and stop this horribleness?
I'm so frustrated with both my clubs right now, physics and hawaii club. Physics club is just frustrating because we can't seem to get anything done, even though we have the means to do it. I don't feel that I can depend on the other officers for anything, and goodness knows that they're the only ones who are ever around to help plan things. Which is fine, if they actually were useful, but they just kinda aren't. I feel like if I don't do things, they won't get done because Adam and Caitlin are completely flaky, illogical, and don't think before they talk and act.
Hawaii Club... my officers are great. Really amazing. But we didn't get our GAB grant in on time. And now they've run out of money. Which means that we don't get to take any fun trips this semester. I am under the suspicion that the money went to the International Affairs Symposium, and I'm sure their grant was well written and fairly reasonable, but I feel like it's unfair to use up the GAB funds on something that could have fallen under "Academic" things and could have applied to SAAB. Clubs can't apply to SAAB, and so we're just SOL. And it's not even March yet. Plus, the IA symp is an annual event. They shouldn't go THAT far over budget.
AAAAAAAAAAAAERFAGSETSRTHERGTFWAERRRG.
Plus, I was really happy the other day because there was this boy thing that actually seemed like it might work. But now... probably not. And I don't even know why. The story sounds sketchier than it actually is... involving Craigslist and such... so I'm not going to really tell it... but... le sigh. Maybe he'll still email back sometime. Maybe PSU's webmail is on the crap again and won't accept emails like that one summer when I kept emailing people and they weren't getting mine and I wasn't getting theirs. I thought that maybe it was our webmail and theirs fighting... but maybe gmail just isn't working with it either. Although that is highly unlikely. More likely, he realized what a ginormous weirdo I am, even through the shortish email I wrote him. And is no longer interested, just like that. And like Jessie says... why do I care what boys think of me? I shouldn't, but somehow, I do.
And then there's that guy that I wish I had an excuse to see more of, because I think we would get along really well if we had a chance to... and I would enjoy it because he's "gut aussehend" und josefiau! and smart and really nice. On the downside, he smokes pot more than I'd like, and is probably just a little too young for me. Not like, cradle-robber-he's-only-as-old-as-my-little-brother-style...[relax, my brother is a college sophomore... which isn't even THAT much younger.] just a little. Le SIGH.
And the guy that I really wanted to find a way to set up with a good friend of mine... has a girlfriend. And of course she's perfect and beautiful and amazing, and just right for him. Dammit. There goes THAT great plan. [Sorry Jess, I really do just fail at life].
SIGH. I just don't know what to do. I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix any of this... especially since most of it really isn't that bad. I mean, it's silly kid's stuff, especially compared to the drama that was last semester, what with not doing so hot in Number Theory, trying to stay afloat in Quantum, my grandfather dying, all that. But I'm so unhappy about it because I feel like it's stuff I should be able to do something about.
Oh, plus another great thing, I don't have any money right now. That just makes me feel completely unsafe. Like, I can't spend any more money until my paycheck goes in and I deposit my birthday checks and such. Which is hard, because I am taking photo, a really kindof expensive art class.
BLLLLLLARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG.
And I don't want to go cook dinner with friends at 8, because I will have to pretend that I'm not cranky. Because otherwise, they'll tell me I'm cranky, blame it on the fact that I'm rowing again, and tell me that they're going to start avoiding me.
okay. I guess I can stop feeling sorry for myself. Or at least stop wasting your time talking about it. I really hope nobody actually spends time reading all the way until this part. You'll never get those 20 min of your life back, I'm sorry to tell you.
The end.
P.S.
I'm renewing my search for good lookingish boys with strong hands to trade massages with. I'm pretty good, but it's pretty hard to give myself one. If you know anyone who fits the description -slash- isn't a creepo, send them my way.
I really don't understand what's going on. Everything was going SO well earlier this week... Monday was amazing. I was unhappy that I had to go to class and such on my birthday, especially since it's a federal holiday, but you know, whatev. I can deal. And the day ended up being really good after all. Practice cheered me up, and we got out of 451 20 minutes early, so all of us physics kids sat in the lounge together for half an hour and chatted about stuff. It was so very cozy. I finally feel like I know them well enough to enjoy the fact that we have had/have so many classes together... and then I'll be leaving in a few months. I guess it all comes down to the amount of time it takes to get to know someone, like really get to know them. There should be an equation for it. Time taken to get to know someone is inversely proportional to time spent actually spent with someone, classes taken together, the number of ordeals gone through together, etc.
My German chapter test that day ended up going well too... I've gotten back 3 tests between Monday and Wednesday, and I've done well on all of them. That, at least, is going my way.
I don't know what I did to get such bad karma right now or whatever. If I've done something to you or something awful that you can think of, would you please let me know so I can make it right and stop this horribleness?
I'm so frustrated with both my clubs right now, physics and hawaii club. Physics club is just frustrating because we can't seem to get anything done, even though we have the means to do it. I don't feel that I can depend on the other officers for anything, and goodness knows that they're the only ones who are ever around to help plan things. Which is fine, if they actually were useful, but they just kinda aren't. I feel like if I don't do things, they won't get done because Adam and Caitlin are completely flaky, illogical, and don't think before they talk and act.
Hawaii Club... my officers are great. Really amazing. But we didn't get our GAB grant in on time. And now they've run out of money. Which means that we don't get to take any fun trips this semester. I am under the suspicion that the money went to the International Affairs Symposium, and I'm sure their grant was well written and fairly reasonable, but I feel like it's unfair to use up the GAB funds on something that could have fallen under "Academic" things and could have applied to SAAB. Clubs can't apply to SAAB, and so we're just SOL. And it's not even March yet. Plus, the IA symp is an annual event. They shouldn't go THAT far over budget.
AAAAAAAAAAAAERFAGSETSRTHERGTFWAERRRG.
Plus, I was really happy the other day because there was this boy thing that actually seemed like it might work. But now... probably not. And I don't even know why. The story sounds sketchier than it actually is... involving Craigslist and such... so I'm not going to really tell it... but... le sigh. Maybe he'll still email back sometime. Maybe PSU's webmail is on the crap again and won't accept emails like that one summer when I kept emailing people and they weren't getting mine and I wasn't getting theirs. I thought that maybe it was our webmail and theirs fighting... but maybe gmail just isn't working with it either. Although that is highly unlikely. More likely, he realized what a ginormous weirdo I am, even through the shortish email I wrote him. And is no longer interested, just like that. And like Jessie says... why do I care what boys think of me? I shouldn't, but somehow, I do.
And then there's that guy that I wish I had an excuse to see more of, because I think we would get along really well if we had a chance to... and I would enjoy it because he's "gut aussehend" und josefiau! and smart and really nice. On the downside, he smokes pot more than I'd like, and is probably just a little too young for me. Not like, cradle-robber-he's-only-as-old-as-my-little-brother-style...[relax, my brother is a college sophomore... which isn't even THAT much younger.] just a little. Le SIGH.
And the guy that I really wanted to find a way to set up with a good friend of mine... has a girlfriend. And of course she's perfect and beautiful and amazing, and just right for him. Dammit. There goes THAT great plan. [Sorry Jess, I really do just fail at life].
SIGH. I just don't know what to do. I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix any of this... especially since most of it really isn't that bad. I mean, it's silly kid's stuff, especially compared to the drama that was last semester, what with not doing so hot in Number Theory, trying to stay afloat in Quantum, my grandfather dying, all that. But I'm so unhappy about it because I feel like it's stuff I should be able to do something about.
Oh, plus another great thing, I don't have any money right now. That just makes me feel completely unsafe. Like, I can't spend any more money until my paycheck goes in and I deposit my birthday checks and such. Which is hard, because I am taking photo, a really kindof expensive art class.
BLLLLLLARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG.
And I don't want to go cook dinner with friends at 8, because I will have to pretend that I'm not cranky. Because otherwise, they'll tell me I'm cranky, blame it on the fact that I'm rowing again, and tell me that they're going to start avoiding me.
okay. I guess I can stop feeling sorry for myself. Or at least stop wasting your time talking about it. I really hope nobody actually spends time reading all the way until this part. You'll never get those 20 min of your life back, I'm sorry to tell you.
The end.
P.S.
I'm renewing my search for good lookingish boys with strong hands to trade massages with. I'm pretty good, but it's pretty hard to give myself one. If you know anyone who fits the description -slash- isn't a creepo, send them my way.