I'm still alive.. yeah =X
Wow, exactly a year since my last post. Amazing eh? Having too many thoughts inside my head, there's 2 things i'll ramble about in this post. Dividing them into 2 sessions so it won't give people headaches trying to read them. =P After i finished typing "My Life" i decided not to continue with the 2nd thing. Maybe i'll type it out someday. Peace ^_^v
It's hard to believe that my life would be taken over by a mere game. Since i started mapling, which is somewhere around August 2004, my life changed drastically. I became even quieter and even more blur when it comes to socialising with people outside my game.
It wasn't really that bad since i had school and exams last year occupying 1/2 of my time. But when it hits January 2005, that's where i lost all my social skills. From January to (mid) May 2005, i wake up mapling and slept thinking of maple. The least time i spent on maple was 14 hours and the most time playing consecutively was 32 hours. It feels sick, doesn't it? For the past 3 weeks, i've been thinking about many aspects of my life that made me felt as if i wasted many months of it doing absolutely nothing. That i could've found a part-time job gaining new experiences and friends.
This week, so to say, was the first week in the past 5 months that i've ever interacted SO physically with friends. That's right, my school has finally started. FYI i'm taking form 6 now, reputably the hardest examination in Malaysia and 2nd in the world (my guess for the hardest is the Japanese entrance exams).
This time, i'm ready and all-out to take the challenge, my last chance, to make myself excell in studies. My SPM results was pretty dissapointing (although my parents is satisfied with it). Gaining only 3A1s and 4A2s with 3Cs. But still, there seems to be no aims in my life at all. Wandering abouts in and out of my future that seems so near yet so far. All the "what ifs". What if i fail my STPM? What if i couldn't cope with form 6? What if i couldn't give up maple? What if my seemingly-confusing relationship affects my studies? What if i'll be friendless for the next 1.5 years? What if this... that... this... *sigh* How i wish life is a lot easier for me.
Even sometimes, i wish i could live my life as a slacker forever. Mapling is, well was, a backdoor to escaping life as it is. Seemingly it seems as if i have 2 lives now. My life in reality and life in game. These 2 weeks, i tried my best to let go of my life in maple. It's pretty tough actually. Without the game, life is just plain dull and boring. Maybe THAT's why some people is so engrossed in games and died playing them. Well, i'm a practical (and somewhat ambitious as well) person. I KNOW that my life isn't well-fitted to game forever. So i decided to stop, yes STOP once and for all.
It's a pretty tough thing to do. It's a MMORPG such that makes timid or quieter people (like me of course) socialize well and makes loads of friends while feeling comfortable with themselves. There's all this buddies that will level up with you, party you and hunt together with you. It's as if i've really been living and feeling happy with it never wanting to let go. Reality check, it's just pixels. No matter how you look or feel it, it's still pixels. I do admit i met a few mutual friends there, real good ones. Not taking it for granted, i do keep in touch of them. But still... it's still pixels. Nothing will ever come as close as a physical contact with your peers. Laughing couldn't be replaced with a mere "LOL" or "LMAO" online.
On a second thought, it's never too late to realize it. Since i "resumed" my life for a week. Not too bad i guess. Still trying to get myself off the game. Probably not soon that i can neglect it 100%, but i'm trying.... >.<
It's hard to believe that my life would be taken over by a mere game. Since i started mapling, which is somewhere around August 2004, my life changed drastically. I became even quieter and even more blur when it comes to socialising with people outside my game.
It wasn't really that bad since i had school and exams last year occupying 1/2 of my time. But when it hits January 2005, that's where i lost all my social skills. From January to (mid) May 2005, i wake up mapling and slept thinking of maple. The least time i spent on maple was 14 hours and the most time playing consecutively was 32 hours. It feels sick, doesn't it? For the past 3 weeks, i've been thinking about many aspects of my life that made me felt as if i wasted many months of it doing absolutely nothing. That i could've found a part-time job gaining new experiences and friends.
This week, so to say, was the first week in the past 5 months that i've ever interacted SO physically with friends. That's right, my school has finally started. FYI i'm taking form 6 now, reputably the hardest examination in Malaysia and 2nd in the world (my guess for the hardest is the Japanese entrance exams).
This time, i'm ready and all-out to take the challenge, my last chance, to make myself excell in studies. My SPM results was pretty dissapointing (although my parents is satisfied with it). Gaining only 3A1s and 4A2s with 3Cs. But still, there seems to be no aims in my life at all. Wandering abouts in and out of my future that seems so near yet so far. All the "what ifs". What if i fail my STPM? What if i couldn't cope with form 6? What if i couldn't give up maple? What if my seemingly-confusing relationship affects my studies? What if i'll be friendless for the next 1.5 years? What if this... that... this... *sigh* How i wish life is a lot easier for me.
Even sometimes, i wish i could live my life as a slacker forever. Mapling is, well was, a backdoor to escaping life as it is. Seemingly it seems as if i have 2 lives now. My life in reality and life in game. These 2 weeks, i tried my best to let go of my life in maple. It's pretty tough actually. Without the game, life is just plain dull and boring. Maybe THAT's why some people is so engrossed in games and died playing them. Well, i'm a practical (and somewhat ambitious as well) person. I KNOW that my life isn't well-fitted to game forever. So i decided to stop, yes STOP once and for all.
It's a pretty tough thing to do. It's a MMORPG such that makes timid or quieter people (like me of course) socialize well and makes loads of friends while feeling comfortable with themselves. There's all this buddies that will level up with you, party you and hunt together with you. It's as if i've really been living and feeling happy with it never wanting to let go. Reality check, it's just pixels. No matter how you look or feel it, it's still pixels. I do admit i met a few mutual friends there, real good ones. Not taking it for granted, i do keep in touch of them. But still... it's still pixels. Nothing will ever come as close as a physical contact with your peers. Laughing couldn't be replaced with a mere "LOL" or "LMAO" online.
On a second thought, it's never too late to realize it. Since i "resumed" my life for a week. Not too bad i guess. Still trying to get myself off the game. Probably not soon that i can neglect it 100%, but i'm trying.... >.<