i don't know why i care, but i care more than you breathe ♥
right off the bat, prepare yourself for a really long entry.
normally, i would take this time to update you on every little
mundane detail of my boring, lame life, and call it a day.
but today, i'm feeling a little more.. deep than that.
and, incidentally, i have a shit ton of emotions. blah blah blah.
so, it isn't going to so much be about what i've been doing,
but who i've been doing things with, and whatnot. i guess?
my life has definitely twisted around a lot since the end of summer.
before i came to school, there was adam. things went well with him,
and then suddenly fell apart soon after i came to school - mostly
because i was a giant faggot, and he was even more of a giant faggot.
it was sad, though, because adam and i really clicked. we could talk
for hours, and not get sick of eachother - we could spend hours just
laying around watching movies, laughing, and being stupid with eachother.
and i stupidly tricked myself into thinking that i wanted something more
than that, when in reality, i was so perfectly happy with the way things
were, that i pushed him away. further and further away.
i then decided i needed to do something to forgot about him.
so, i did austin.
then, the beginning of october, i met david. and boy, did i try hard
not to fall for him. needless to say, i failed miserably at that.
things with david were definitely, interesting. we had that joking kind
of relationship with eachother; you know, the one where you're always
sarcastic, and always laughing and jokingly making fun of eachother.
well, as i was letting my guard down and developing a cute lil' middle
school crush on david, david was falling in love with kathering. and god,
i was so jealous. i had a typical girl moment, and was insanely jealous.
but now, i see that it was stupid of me to be jealous of someone else
for being so ridiculously happy. i know, it sounds retarded, but i'm
happy for him and katherine. even if he never talks to me anymore, i
can still find a lil' bit of happiness :) aw, happy lil' david george.
but, once again, i needed something to take my mind off of david.
so, i did austin.
as you can see, there's somewhat of a pattern here. i find a guy, i get
a little middle school crush, and then it fails, and i run to austin.
don't get me wrong, i'm perfectly content with the relationship i have
with austin - because that's all it's ever been. friends with benefits.
sure, i had feelings for him at one point, back when we were exclusive
little sex partners for the summer, but that's beside the point. we've
definitely both established that we're only that, and i'm fine with that.
but, i think it's time to stop clinging to that when i need someone. i
don't need something meaningless to hold onto when everything meaningful
falls apart. i guess what i'm trying to say, is what i tell my friends
all the time. i'm ready. i'm so ready to fall for someone. for someone
to fall for me. to get my heart broken. to be happy for a change. :)
to get giddy when my phone rings and i see that it's him. to get
butterflies when i think about him. i know, i'm retarded. but, i'm ready.
so, god, whenever you want to give him to me, i'll be here. but, until
then, i'll be happily single, and enjoy the abundance of cute boys in the
world that i can look at :) and one to cuddle with once in a while
certainly wouldn't be a completely bad thing. ;D
oh, i almost forgot. there was this boy brett. he's a delta chi here at
kent, and he was/is a very nice boy. i met him when i was at the house
one random night, and saw him at a couple parties. then, the fateful
night occurred - i did about 15 shots of 151 before going out, and trin
and i headed to the delta chi house. mind you, i was mainly set on going
there to see this boy, brett. he tickled my fancy. ;D but, you see,
i was really, really, ridiculously wasted. now, brett took care of me, and
made sure i didn't die. and kissed me, and stupidly let me into the house
in the first place. but, you see. brett has stopped talking to me. now, i
don't know this boy very well, but i know enough to know he's a sweetheart,
and i'm an idiot. brett pretty much hates me, because of a stupid, stupid
drunk night. he feels like he was irresponsible for letting me into the
house in the first place, and i was irresponsible for a, drinking that much,
and b, leaving my room after doing so. but, needless to say, i've done my
best to let him know that i'm sorry, and wish he would just acknowledge me,
even if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. but, i've pretty much failed
miserably at that one. i don't know. it's times like those when i realize
how much of an idiot i am. and how stupid i am with my life sometimes.
seriously, the things i do amaze me sometimes. :(
rawr, this is way too long for anyone to be reading. and i don't really expect
people to read it - i just really needed to get some of that out. if you did
read all of it, i'm very, very proud of you. :) leave comments, remind me of
how much of a retard i am, and maybe i'll work on changing that truth. ♥
normally, i would take this time to update you on every little
mundane detail of my boring, lame life, and call it a day.
but today, i'm feeling a little more.. deep than that.
and, incidentally, i have a shit ton of emotions. blah blah blah.
so, it isn't going to so much be about what i've been doing,
but who i've been doing things with, and whatnot. i guess?
my life has definitely twisted around a lot since the end of summer.
before i came to school, there was adam. things went well with him,
and then suddenly fell apart soon after i came to school - mostly
because i was a giant faggot, and he was even more of a giant faggot.
it was sad, though, because adam and i really clicked. we could talk
for hours, and not get sick of eachother - we could spend hours just
laying around watching movies, laughing, and being stupid with eachother.
and i stupidly tricked myself into thinking that i wanted something more
than that, when in reality, i was so perfectly happy with the way things
were, that i pushed him away. further and further away.
i then decided i needed to do something to forgot about him.
so, i did austin.
then, the beginning of october, i met david. and boy, did i try hard
not to fall for him. needless to say, i failed miserably at that.
things with david were definitely, interesting. we had that joking kind
of relationship with eachother; you know, the one where you're always
sarcastic, and always laughing and jokingly making fun of eachother.
well, as i was letting my guard down and developing a cute lil' middle
school crush on david, david was falling in love with kathering. and god,
i was so jealous. i had a typical girl moment, and was insanely jealous.
but now, i see that it was stupid of me to be jealous of someone else
for being so ridiculously happy. i know, it sounds retarded, but i'm
happy for him and katherine. even if he never talks to me anymore, i
can still find a lil' bit of happiness :) aw, happy lil' david george.
but, once again, i needed something to take my mind off of david.
so, i did austin.
as you can see, there's somewhat of a pattern here. i find a guy, i get
a little middle school crush, and then it fails, and i run to austin.
don't get me wrong, i'm perfectly content with the relationship i have
with austin - because that's all it's ever been. friends with benefits.
sure, i had feelings for him at one point, back when we were exclusive
little sex partners for the summer, but that's beside the point. we've
definitely both established that we're only that, and i'm fine with that.
but, i think it's time to stop clinging to that when i need someone. i
don't need something meaningless to hold onto when everything meaningful
falls apart. i guess what i'm trying to say, is what i tell my friends
all the time. i'm ready. i'm so ready to fall for someone. for someone
to fall for me. to get my heart broken. to be happy for a change. :)
to get giddy when my phone rings and i see that it's him. to get
butterflies when i think about him. i know, i'm retarded. but, i'm ready.
so, god, whenever you want to give him to me, i'll be here. but, until
then, i'll be happily single, and enjoy the abundance of cute boys in the
world that i can look at :) and one to cuddle with once in a while
certainly wouldn't be a completely bad thing. ;D
oh, i almost forgot. there was this boy brett. he's a delta chi here at
kent, and he was/is a very nice boy. i met him when i was at the house
one random night, and saw him at a couple parties. then, the fateful
night occurred - i did about 15 shots of 151 before going out, and trin
and i headed to the delta chi house. mind you, i was mainly set on going
there to see this boy, brett. he tickled my fancy. ;D but, you see,
i was really, really, ridiculously wasted. now, brett took care of me, and
made sure i didn't die. and kissed me, and stupidly let me into the house
in the first place. but, you see. brett has stopped talking to me. now, i
don't know this boy very well, but i know enough to know he's a sweetheart,
and i'm an idiot. brett pretty much hates me, because of a stupid, stupid
drunk night. he feels like he was irresponsible for letting me into the
house in the first place, and i was irresponsible for a, drinking that much,
and b, leaving my room after doing so. but, needless to say, i've done my
best to let him know that i'm sorry, and wish he would just acknowledge me,
even if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. but, i've pretty much failed
miserably at that one. i don't know. it's times like those when i realize
how much of an idiot i am. and how stupid i am with my life sometimes.
seriously, the things i do amaze me sometimes. :(
rawr, this is way too long for anyone to be reading. and i don't really expect
people to read it - i just really needed to get some of that out. if you did
read all of it, i'm very, very proud of you. :) leave comments, remind me of
how much of a retard i am, and maybe i'll work on changing that truth. ♥