Joke day!
Yello yello.. got more jokes for ya'll, and, all things considered, we could all use a little chuckle....
**The Viewing**
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My penis died today, and I am very sad.."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
Mr. Goldstein," she said, "you shouldn't be walking down the hall like this. Please put your penis back inside your pajamas."
But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my penis died! ."
Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.
Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing."
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A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.
When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."
"I've already said No, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."
"No! I've said NO!"
"My love... Don't be like that..."
At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"
**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
For those in the Ya-Ya sisterhood:
1) If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it.
2) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
4) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5) The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.
6) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
There's a bit of humor. And all my hopes today are that when 6pm my time comes, there isn't a war. ******@§-`-,-peace-,-`-§@******
**The Viewing**
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My penis died today, and I am very sad.."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
Mr. Goldstein," she said, "you shouldn't be walking down the hall like this. Please put your penis back inside your pajamas."
But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my penis died! ."
Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.
Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing."
********************************************************************************************************************************************************************
A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.
When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."
"I've already said No, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."
"No! I've said NO!"
"My love... Don't be like that..."
At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"
**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
For those in the Ya-Ya sisterhood:
1) If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it.
2) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
4) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5) The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.
6) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
There's a bit of humor. And all my hopes today are that when 6pm my time comes, there isn't a war. ******@§-`-,-peace-,-`-§@******