A bit of Clarification.
Well, I realized that my long post last night could be taken the wrong way so...
Despite what it may seem like, I really do appreciate my friends. We relax, have fun and have enough interests in common that we tend not to annoy each other TOO much. I enjoy their humor, and occasional advice. I enjoy spending time with them, and, for instance when I busted my leg, extended periods of time with out a dose of them makes me feel like I'm missing a limb. So perhaps, what bothers me the most, is the fact that I very much care for my friends - after all, friends are the family we choose, right? And since I care for them, that means I'm vulnerable. It's a choice I have made. Like opening yourself up to every other kind of love, opening up to friendship means people can hurt you, and thats a risk I'm willing to take.
I'm quite willing to admit that I am far from perfect. In fact, my lack of perfection is what prompts posts like that one. Still, I try hard not to push my friends and am willing to back off if it seems I've gone a step to far. Now, as another note, and as I mentioned in a response to a comment on that post - the boundaries that I am respecting and biting my tongue over are not just mine. I repect other peoples as well. Besides, blurting out something rude, unkind and brutal - just because it's true - is still wrong. At least to me. People have their walls up, and, frankly, it's not my job to break them down. I'll offer the hand, but the other must take it, you know? I have enough problems dealing with my own issues. Not that I'm not willing to help people, but if they don't see it, I'm not going to point something out that might just traumatize them or something. Besides, if their in denial, it will just spark a fight and I don't fight.
Now, I know my friends have issues. We all do. The fact that I happen to think each and every one of them (men and women) are witty, charming and fully hot has no effect on thier own opinions of themselves. Having fought enough with my own self image, I can understand this, as well. This would be why I try very hard to keep my jokes and barbs to such that they will not actually bother a somewhat wobbly self image. On that note, please stop poking holes in MY self image. You don't have to be born with increadable tact to learn how to use some. Honesty is wonderful, and I applaude it, however, you do not need to drop it on a persons head like a 2 tonne weight.
*Sigh* This post isn't going the way I thought it would. The point is, I guess, that despite their faults, I care for my friends, and would do everything in my power to help them should they ever ask it of me. I appreciate all the little gestures that friends do for each other without really noticing it. And if I have nothing else to offer, I will offer a thank you. They do offer support, in what fashion they can, and all things considered, I can't blame them if they have problems opening up to people, or trusting others. I guess I just sometimes wish I wasn't so often feeling like one of the others.
Now, I'm going to go do, like, stuff. We're supposed to play Civ this weekend, I seem to remember, but I'm also hoping we might get a few hours of RP. If not, I'd be content to RP! (Although I have promised my Mom I will do my best to reaquire Jim Hensens The Storyteller so she and Ross can finish watching it with me on Sunday. ^_^)
Well I'm not feeling perfect, I am feeling better. Wandering through my soul and head does that for me and lets me tackle what issues I have. Everyone's sould needs a good dusting now and then. ;)
Despite what it may seem like, I really do appreciate my friends. We relax, have fun and have enough interests in common that we tend not to annoy each other TOO much. I enjoy their humor, and occasional advice. I enjoy spending time with them, and, for instance when I busted my leg, extended periods of time with out a dose of them makes me feel like I'm missing a limb. So perhaps, what bothers me the most, is the fact that I very much care for my friends - after all, friends are the family we choose, right? And since I care for them, that means I'm vulnerable. It's a choice I have made. Like opening yourself up to every other kind of love, opening up to friendship means people can hurt you, and thats a risk I'm willing to take.
I'm quite willing to admit that I am far from perfect. In fact, my lack of perfection is what prompts posts like that one. Still, I try hard not to push my friends and am willing to back off if it seems I've gone a step to far. Now, as another note, and as I mentioned in a response to a comment on that post - the boundaries that I am respecting and biting my tongue over are not just mine. I repect other peoples as well. Besides, blurting out something rude, unkind and brutal - just because it's true - is still wrong. At least to me. People have their walls up, and, frankly, it's not my job to break them down. I'll offer the hand, but the other must take it, you know? I have enough problems dealing with my own issues. Not that I'm not willing to help people, but if they don't see it, I'm not going to point something out that might just traumatize them or something. Besides, if their in denial, it will just spark a fight and I don't fight.
Now, I know my friends have issues. We all do. The fact that I happen to think each and every one of them (men and women) are witty, charming and fully hot has no effect on thier own opinions of themselves. Having fought enough with my own self image, I can understand this, as well. This would be why I try very hard to keep my jokes and barbs to such that they will not actually bother a somewhat wobbly self image. On that note, please stop poking holes in MY self image. You don't have to be born with increadable tact to learn how to use some. Honesty is wonderful, and I applaude it, however, you do not need to drop it on a persons head like a 2 tonne weight.
*Sigh* This post isn't going the way I thought it would. The point is, I guess, that despite their faults, I care for my friends, and would do everything in my power to help them should they ever ask it of me. I appreciate all the little gestures that friends do for each other without really noticing it. And if I have nothing else to offer, I will offer a thank you. They do offer support, in what fashion they can, and all things considered, I can't blame them if they have problems opening up to people, or trusting others. I guess I just sometimes wish I wasn't so often feeling like one of the others.
Now, I'm going to go do, like, stuff. We're supposed to play Civ this weekend, I seem to remember, but I'm also hoping we might get a few hours of RP. If not, I'd be content to RP! (Although I have promised my Mom I will do my best to reaquire Jim Hensens The Storyteller so she and Ross can finish watching it with me on Sunday. ^_^)
Well I'm not feeling perfect, I am feeling better. Wandering through my soul and head does that for me and lets me tackle what issues I have. Everyone's sould needs a good dusting now and then. ;)