It stirs.
Exciting news for the whole Mandos staff. Dad's decided to cut our funding, ostensibly because his cable bill went up, but I'm sure everyone's heard about the incident with the mini-dwarves in his corned beef by now. Until he gets over it, bi-weekly paychecks will now only be redeemable at 7-11 for a dozen donuts and select varieties of Snapple. Most of you fuckers are Maiar now anyway, it's not as if you really need to eat. I've heard enough bitching about this from the janitorial staff, so the next person who complains will be moving in mysterious ways for a week, I fucking swear.
This also means that the auto-release form system will be down for a while, and you know what that means... that's right... brace yourselves...
New paperwork, to fit the backup system. Toss out any copies of the old form you get. Or reincarnate them as radishes. Either way.
Mandos Release Form 3B
NAME:
QUEST:
AVERAGE AIR-SPEED VELOCITY OF AN UNLADEN SWALLOW (AFRICAN):
LAST KNOWN GENDER:
[ ] MALE
[ ] FEMALE
[ ] WHATEVER
CAUSE OF DEATH (SELECT ONE):
[ ] SEVERE SMITING
[ ] BATTLE WOUNDS
[ ] VENEREAL DISEASE
[ ] ALCOHOL POISONING
[ ] CONVENTIONAL SUICIDE
[ ] SEPPUKU
[ ] HOMICIDE
[ ] OTHER...ICIDE
[ ] BALROG
[ ] SEXUAL EXHAUSTION
[ ] BUNNIES
[ ] NATURAL CAUSES / APOCALYPSE
OCCUPATION/LIFE PURSUIT AMONG THE LIVING (SELECT ALL THAT APPLY):
[ ] SOVEREIGN/POLITICAL LEADER
[ ] RETAIL
[ ] MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
[ ] WARMONGER
[ ] HORSEFUCKER
[ ] PROSTITUTE/PAMPERED SLUT
[ ] EVIL
[ ] BOREDOM
[ ] ITALICS
[ ] ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY (ADULT OR OTHERWISE)
[ ] INANIMATE OBJECT
[ ] PARENT/PROVIDER/HOMEMAKER
[ ] GENERAL WANDERING
JUSTIFY YOUR WORTHLESS EXISTENCE, USELESS PEON (REASON FOR RESURRECTION):
WOULD YOU OBJECT TO BEING REINCARNATED AS A RADISH?: Y/N
DO ANY OF YOUR INTACT PHYSICAL REMAINS EXIST ANYWHERE WITHIN 3 PLAINS OF EXISTENCE?: Y/N
DO YOU MORPH INTO ANYTHING FREAKY, LIKE EVER?: Y/N
IF YES, DESCRIBE:
REQUESTED ALTERATIONS OF LAST PHYSICAL STATE:
[ ] RETURN TO ORIGINAL (UNALTERED NATURAL) BODY
[ ] LIMB REATTACHMENT/GENERAL REASSEMBLY
[ ] SECOND HEAD
[ ] TAIL
[ ] LOS DOS RONDOS ASS ENHANCEMENT™ (V10,000/$50,000 GONDORIAN)
[ ] CELECOCK™ ENHANCEMENT (V15,000/FIVE CASES OF JACK DANIELS)
[ ] ISILDUR TITS™ (V20,000/INDENTURED SERVITUDE)
[ ] NONE
[ ] OTHER:
QUOTE AT LEAST THREE LINES OF A SONG WRITTEN OR PERFORMED BY ANY PUPPET'S ICON (INCLUDE PUPPET'S NAME):
ARE YOU STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN?: Y/N
--------------DO NOT WRITE BELOW THIS LINE--------------
FOR PROCESSOR ONLY:
[ ] ACCEPT
[ ] REJECT
NOTES:
This also means that the auto-release form system will be down for a while, and you know what that means... that's right... brace yourselves...
New paperwork, to fit the backup system. Toss out any copies of the old form you get. Or reincarnate them as radishes. Either way.
Mandos Release Form 3B
NAME:
QUEST:
AVERAGE AIR-SPEED VELOCITY OF AN UNLADEN SWALLOW (AFRICAN):
LAST KNOWN GENDER:
[ ] MALE
[ ] FEMALE
[ ] WHATEVER
CAUSE OF DEATH (SELECT ONE):
[ ] SEVERE SMITING
[ ] BATTLE WOUNDS
[ ] VENEREAL DISEASE
[ ] ALCOHOL POISONING
[ ] CONVENTIONAL SUICIDE
[ ] SEPPUKU
[ ] HOMICIDE
[ ] OTHER...ICIDE
[ ] BALROG
[ ] SEXUAL EXHAUSTION
[ ] BUNNIES
[ ] NATURAL CAUSES / APOCALYPSE
OCCUPATION/LIFE PURSUIT AMONG THE LIVING (SELECT ALL THAT APPLY):
[ ] SOVEREIGN/POLITICAL LEADER
[ ] RETAIL
[ ] MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
[ ] WARMONGER
[ ] HORSEFUCKER
[ ] PROSTITUTE/PAMPERED SLUT
[ ] EVIL
[ ] BOREDOM
[ ] ITALICS
[ ] ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY (ADULT OR OTHERWISE)
[ ] INANIMATE OBJECT
[ ] PARENT/PROVIDER/HOMEMAKER
[ ] GENERAL WANDERING
JUSTIFY YOUR WORTHLESS EXISTENCE, USELESS PEON (REASON FOR RESURRECTION):
WOULD YOU OBJECT TO BEING REINCARNATED AS A RADISH?: Y/N
DO ANY OF YOUR INTACT PHYSICAL REMAINS EXIST ANYWHERE WITHIN 3 PLAINS OF EXISTENCE?: Y/N
DO YOU MORPH INTO ANYTHING FREAKY, LIKE EVER?: Y/N
IF YES, DESCRIBE:
REQUESTED ALTERATIONS OF LAST PHYSICAL STATE:
[ ] RETURN TO ORIGINAL (UNALTERED NATURAL) BODY
[ ] LIMB REATTACHMENT/GENERAL REASSEMBLY
[ ] SECOND HEAD
[ ] TAIL
[ ] LOS DOS RONDOS ASS ENHANCEMENT™ (V10,000/$50,000 GONDORIAN)
[ ] CELECOCK™ ENHANCEMENT (V15,000/FIVE CASES OF JACK DANIELS)
[ ] ISILDUR TITS™ (V20,000/INDENTURED SERVITUDE)
[ ] NONE
[ ] OTHER:
QUOTE AT LEAST THREE LINES OF A SONG WRITTEN OR PERFORMED BY ANY PUPPET'S ICON (INCLUDE PUPPET'S NAME):
ARE YOU STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN?: Y/N
--------------DO NOT WRITE BELOW THIS LINE--------------
FOR PROCESSOR ONLY:
[ ] ACCEPT
[ ] REJECT
NOTES: